Self Harm Struggle, Need Advice.

LegacyUser

I'm a registered user but decided to go unreg for this post.

Just a bit of back story first:

I've been self harming for 5 years on and off. Every time i seriously self harm i try to give up, i can usually last for up to 6 months without hurting myself but i can never seem to get past the 6 month mark. I tried to commit suicide 5 months ago but thankfully i didnt succeed but i have left myself with bad scars on both my wrists. I'm very paranoid about my scars and constantly wear wrist bands to cover them and i am trying to get rid of them. I also have a lot of scars on my legs. My family have always tried to help me as much as possible and i have a very supportive boyfriend.

I am due to sit my Leaving Cert exams in June and as the exams get closer i find myself wanting to cut myself more and more often to deal with the pressure, i know the leaving cert isnt something i should want to cut myself over but i am very bad at handling any kind of pressure or stress. All my family have their own stuff going on at the minute and i know if i tell them how I'm feeling it will only worry and stress them, and i've caused them enough grief about this over the last few years, plus my parents dont seem to understand that self harm is an addiction for me, they just tell me to stop doing it, and even though i try as hard as i can i cant seem to give it up for longer than 6 months.

I also dont feel i can talk to my boyfriend about how im feeling right now. Dont get me wrong, he's very supportive. He knows about my previous harming and he has helped me so much and he tells me he wants to help me. But he is a very sorted person and i feel ashamed when i tell him about cutting myself and i dont like to admit im feeling weak, and i also dont want to worry him.

I have seen numerous councellors over the years but i dont feel they have helped me very much so i dont think going back to councelling would help me now. I hate my scars and that can usually deter me from cutting for a while but when the pain gets too much then i dont care that i'm adding more scars by cutting myself again. I really want to stop cutting myself for good this time, i dont want to let myself, my family and my boyfriend down again.

Does anyone have any advice on how i could control my urges to self harm? Or a safe and non self destructive alternative to cutting myself? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Sherifu

You may find this thread helpful also.

LegacyUser

In a lot of in-patient work with people who have a compulsion to self-harm, staff try to encourage the person to resist as self-harming is very habit-forming and becomes quite an automatic response to emotional stress. Obviously though there are times when the compulsion becomes too strong to deal with, and in that case the person is encouraged to do something like forcing themselves to hold ice-cubes in bare hands until they melt. For many people this works as an alternative to cutting as the pain provides the emotional release they crave and yet, obviously it does not cause any harm. Its certainly worth a try as a way of weaning yourself out of the habit.

The Black Oil

Sorry to hear of your situation but am glad you've posted.

Some links that might help - NSHN http://www.nshn.co.uk/ has some material you might find useful, distraction list is available here: http://www.nshn.co.uk/upload/Distractions.pdf may not be for everyone but worth a try and their discussion forum is here http://www.nshn.co.uk/forum/index.php

Before your self harm ask yourself these questions http://www.rethink.org/living_with_mental_illness/coping_in_a_crisis/suicide_self_harm/self_harming/help_for_self.html

The 3 Cs which your family might find helpful:

I didn't cause it
I can't control it
I can't cure it.

http://www.nshn.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=12925.0

Bio oil can help to fade scars but obviously the wounds need to be healed and it will probably take quite a few months to work. Do you exercise regularly? That can be a good release for stress and tension.

LegacyUser

OP I've also been self harming for a long time, like you I've gone for periods of time without harming, the longest being 8 months.

I've fallen back off the wagon, so to speak, under similar circumstances to yours. I'm coming up to sitting my finals and I'm a few weeks away from the submission of my final year project. Nobody in my family has any idea what's going on, some of my friends do but I haven't found the courage to tell them this time - same reasons as you, not wanting to feel weak or admit to having a problem.

Going from your name, it says it all - Want to stop. You know yourself that it needs to come from within you, you need to find that stopper that stopped you the last time and focus on it. It could be something ridiculous that is the stopper, but don't let what you think other people think of your stopper influence your decisions. You're a strong person OP, you've come through this before and I've every faith in you that you can come through this again.

I find distractions can help. I've a list of songs on my ipod that I listen to that make me happy without fail. I've a colouring book and I colour in pictures when I feel down. I also draw to scale pictures (remember like in primary school drawing/tracing around your hand?) of the body part I intend on cutting and I draw the cuts on, sometimes I even cut the page instead. I also draw the cuts on myself so I can still see the mark. I sometimes put an elastic band around my wrist and snap it against myself when I need to feel the pain. I go for drives and walks. I drink the coldest water possible with a drop of peppermint oil - you'd be surprised the sensation I get from it.

When I get really bad I tell myself that I can cut myself in 15 minutes, then when 15 minutes is up if I haven't cut myself I'll say that I can do it in 30 minutes, then 45, then an hour. Before you know it 2 and a half hours and I'm probably asleep :-)

All of these have worked for me in the past, I hope they help you a little.

Don't be ashamed of your problem OP, we're only human afterall. So you slipped up - your family and boyfriend obviously love you and won't want to see you upset. You can turn to them for support, alternatively you can always talk to us here.

Go gently :-)

If you'd like to contact me to talk things through perhaps you could contact a Mod and if the mod posts here I can contact them?

Marksie

me too wrote: »

If you'd like to contact me to talk things through perhaps you could contact a Mod and if the mod posts here I can contact them?

mods i am afraid wont havev time to act as go betweens.
Bets for both of you to register and contact via PM

LegacyUser

I'd just like to say that, having living with someone who self-harmed, six months is good, so well done for going that long without doing it! Depression can be a dormant thing, and it doesn't take much to trigger a relapse. The leaving cert is probably the most over-hyped exam I have ever undertaken - conditions weren't ideal when I sat it and did fine. The important thing to remember is that your mental health coems first.

TPD

You could try playing video games or taking up a productive hobby as a distraction. Any time you feel down just try to get immersed in something you love doing.

You shouldn't feel ashamed to talk about self harming to your boyfriend, I'm sure he would be the last person to think badly of you for it. You should be seeking comfort and protection when you're feeling weak, not trying to hide how you're feeling for his sake.

Best of luck in your exams! Theyre really not much once you're in the exam hall - just like any other test.

LegacyUser

Thank you all so much for your replys, just reading then makes me feel like I'm not alone. And thanks also for the great adice and links, I'm going to try and use them the next time i feel the urge to harm myself.

The Black Oil wrote: »

Do you exercise regularly? That can be a good release for stress and tension.

I havent been exercising lately because i've been using all my time to study, and to be honest i have never exercised a lot. But i plan to start exercising on a regular basis after my exams as i've put on a lot of weight lately due to comfort eating. And now that i know it can also help me release some stress it will be more of an incentive.

Me too i'm sorry to hear your going through the same thing, but i completely understand what your going through and I wish you the best of luck, believe me i know its not easy. I'm already registered on boards (just going unreg for this) so if you set up an account I'll PM you from my existing account.

Thanks again for all your posts, I'm already feeling more optimistic that i can stop self harming for good this time thanks to everyones great advice and support.

Victor

WantToStop wrote: »

I'm already registered on boards (just going unreg for this) so if you set up an account I'll PM you from my existing account.

Please be wary of sharing intimate details with unknown strangers on the internet. It could be anyone.

If you need to, set up another account to protect your privacy.

Note: boards.ie tolerates second accounts provided they aren't misused.

The Black Oil

Victor is right there, self protection is really important. You can get into a very awkward dynamic on something like MSN, some people can be quite intense so please always look after number one.

Don't forget you can email or text the Samaritans too and confidentiality would be better assured. As far as I know they can't see your individual email address so you could use an assumed name.

Even if you don't find time to exercise what about getting out of the house/away from your study space for a bit? I know cabin fever can kick in for me and it's not much fun at all so it's nice to have a break. Maybe you could meet a friend on a Sunday morning or something like that.