The Sh*t List

stevoman

For all the lads out there!!!!! I think this is hilarious. And girls, before you all go ooohhhhhh, we all know you do it too! LOL:p

THE DEFINITIVE **** LIST

THE GHOST ****

The kind where you feel **** come out, see **** on the toilet paper, but there's no **** in the bowl.


THE CLEAN ****

The kind where you feel **** come out, see **** in the bowl, but there's no **** on the toilet paper.


THE WET ****

You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels un-wiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skidmarks.


THE SECOND WAVE ****

This **** happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to **** some more.


THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE ****

Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead ****." You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.


THE CORN ****

No explanation necessary.


THE LINCOLN LOG ****

The kind of **** that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.


THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER ****

The kind of **** you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.


THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD ****" ****

The kind where you want to ****, but even after straining your guts out, all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.


THE WET CHEEKS ****

Also known as the "Power Dump." The kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.


THE LIQUID ****

The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, burns your tender poop-chute.


THE MEXICAN FOOD ****

A class all its own.


THE CROWD PLEASER

A **** is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.


THE MOOD ENHANCER

Occurring after a lengthy period of constipation, this **** allows you to be your old self again.


THE RITUAL

This **** occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.


THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS ****

A **** so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.


THE AFTERSHOCK ****

This **** has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.


THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" ****

Any **** created in the presence of another person.


THE GROANER

A **** so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.


THE FLOATER

Characterized by its floatability, this **** has been known to resurface after many flushings.


THE RANGER

A **** that refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a piece of toilet paper.


THE PHANTOM ****

Appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.


THE PEEK-A-BOO ****

Now you see it, now you don't. This **** is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.


THE BOMBSHELL

A **** that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either Inappropriate to **** (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near ****ting facilities.


THE SNAKE CHARMER

A long skinny **** which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position... Usually harmless.


THE OLYMPIC ****

Occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's ****.


THE BACK-TO-NATURE ****

This **** may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.


THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN ****

An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't ****.


PREMEDITATED ****

Laxative induced. Doesn't count.


****ZOPHRENIA

Fear of ****ting. Can be fatal! [Editor's note: shouldn't it be "****zophobia"?]


ENERGIZER vs. DURACELL ****

Also known as a "Still Going" ****.


THE POWER DUMP ****

The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down and you're done.


THE LIQUID PLUMBER ****

This **** is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log ****.)


THE SPINAL TAP ****

The kind of **** that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.


THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" ****

Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap ****s. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.


THE PORRIDGE ****

The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.


THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" ****

When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.


THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" ****

When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.


THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" ****

Also sometimes known as The Toxic Dump. Of course, you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.


THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" ****

You sit there patiently, waiting for the last cling-on to fall because if you wipe now, it's just going to smear all over the place.

Kintarō Hattori

Bestest thread evarrrr.................... oh no wait. It's not.

Sorry but I have absolutely no time for these types of thread. Best kept to the thunderdome or the cuckoo's best.

CountingCrows

THE OP proves the point you should need a licence to access the internet :rolleyes:

stevoman

CountingCrows wrote: »

THE OP proves the point you should need a licence to access the internet :rolleyes:

no you proved a point , you should need a license to have kids;)

Mossy Monk

What is ****. It could be anything.

Kintarō Hattori

Mossy Monk wrote: »

What is ****. It could be anything.

heh heh...

6th

use [nofilter]shit[/nofilter] in future please.

stevoman

Mossy Monk wrote: »

What is ****. It could be anything.

Look at the thread title and think really really hard.......................................................................................................................................................................... has the penny dropped yet mr hawkings! LOL

Gran Hermano

Was almost funny when i first saw it on an email... back in 1995

stevoman

Gran Hermano wrote: »

Was almost funny when i first saw it on an email... back in 1995

you must be old are you? i didnt know they had email in 1995. was it fast back then????

maims3875

stevoman wrote: »

For all the lads out there!!!!! I think this is hilarious. And girls, before you all go ooohhhhhh, we all know you do it too! LOL:


Outstanding !

Gran Hermano

stevoman wrote: »

you must be old are you? i didnt know they had email in 1995. was it fast back then????

Fast enough - didnt have html mail or spam to worry about.
Ran on a VAX server in TCD, think I got my login in '92 or 93

Steve

stevoman wrote: »

Look at the thread title and think really really hard.......................................................................................................................................................................... has the penny dropped yet mr hawkings! LOL

I presume **** = shit

Why can't you just say what you mean instead of using **** ????

This thread is a load of shit

DubArk

I have never read such a pile of Sh*t in my whole life!

stevoman

Gran Hermano wrote: »

Fast enough - didnt have html mail or spam to worry about.
Ran on a VAX server in TCD, think I got my login in '92 or 93

crazy. i remeber first email in i think 1999 in my first job post. couldnt get picture email. Now im bombaarded in work with windows media files and links. my havnt we come along way!:pac:

stevoman

stevec wrote: »

I presume **** = shit

Why can't you just say what you mean instead of using **** ????

This thread is a load of shit

I copied and paste it and thats what happened the word was blocked. of course the thread is ****, its meant to be.

maims3875

Originally Posted by Gran Hermano
Fast enough - didnt have html mail or spam to worry about.
Ran on a VAX server in TCD, think I got my login in '92 or 93





I remember a "login" back in October, that brought a tear to my eye aswell!

Feelgood

Sh*t happens lads, sh*t happens.....

You Suck!

Wait, I've never shat asterisks!

Should I see a doctor?

DubArk

Feelgood wrote: »

Sh*t happens lads, sh*t happens.....

It's a pity you didn't say that a TURD time!

Feelgood

You Suck! wrote: »

Wait, I've never shat asterisks!

Should I see a doctor?

Your sh*tting me?. Sh*t, that sh*t happens to me all the time.

maims3875

Feelgood wrote: »

Your sh*tting me?. Sh*t, that sh*t happens to me all the time.

I've often seen small stars after a sh*t, would they count as asterisks?

Steve

stevoman wrote: »

I copied and paste it and thats what happened the word was blocked. of course the thread is ****, its meant to be.

as 6th said:

[nofilter]
THE DEFINITIVE SHIT LIST

THE GHOST SHIT

The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.
[/nofilter]

easy;)

Jigsaw

DubArk wrote: »

It's a pity you didn't say that a TURD time!

Now there's a great word right there - turd. Say it to yourself under your breath a few times. You will have a little chuckle to yourself. I know I just have. Turd, turd, turd.

stevoman

stevec wrote: »

as 6th said:

[nofilter]
THE DEFINITIVE SHIT LIST

THE GHOST SHIT

The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.
[/nofilter]

easy;)

There's no way i was "arsed" doing all that:)

Rb

I think this has ended the longest period that AH has gone without these type threads popping up.

Go join FlutterinBantam in the Thunderdome if you want to talk about shít.

Quality

I think we have just found out the name flutterinbantam goes by in his other boards account

stevoman

rb_ie wrote: »

Go join FlutterinBantam in the Thunderdome if you want to talk about shít.

No!

ScumLord

stevoman wrote: »

THE PORRIDGE ****

The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

Some of these only make sense in the states. I had a thunderous **** just after getting into my hotel room in Vegas. Not taking any notice of the shelf they have in their bogs. It where a nice big satisfying pile of poop. Went to wipe stuck my hand in the lot of it. The dirty thing wouldn't move of the self either. Whats the point in putting a stupid shelf in a toilet bowl??

You Suck!

Whats the point in putting a stupid shelf in a toilet bowl??

So if you lay a baby bono it doesn't drown.

http://www.southparkx.net/episodes/1109-more-crap

Feelgood

ScumLord wrote: »

Some of these only make sense in the states. I had a thunderous **** just after getting into my hotel room in Vegas. Not taking any notice of the shelf they have in their bogs. It where a nice big satisfying pile of poop. Went to wipe stuck my hand in the lot of it. The dirty thing wouldn't move of the self either. Whats the point in putting a stupid shelf in a toilet bowl??

Well it could be pretty handy if your a drugs mule.....

ScumLord

Feelgood wrote: »

Well it could be pretty handy if your a drugs mule.....

Na, that's takes all the fun out of ****ting on the floor and routing threw your poo.