Need some advices :o)

papillon66

Hi Everybody,:)

Hope you can give me some tips on this…I’m 33 and I feel like I’m my worst enemy at the moment. It’s the first time that happened to me. I had a bad broke up almost 2 years ago…the relationship was dragged down by too many things going on in the lives and the heads of both of us(well was more as the snow ball effect)…so obviously couldn’t end up worst than it did-Anyhow I tried to keep my head out of the water for a little while…end up in a another relationship which I know now I shouldn’t as I wasn’t ready but did want to give it a chance at that moment… and it became more and more difficult to keep myself together.
Now I feel drained, empty like I lost myself trying to keep on track and getting over 2 bad relationships. I don’t drink or take drugs…just smoke a lot. My brain feels overwhelmed very quick when I get an emotion and I just loose my temper…which is not me. I’m quiet and used to stand a lot before getting angry and mad. I’m losing my friends over this…At work, I keep being late even though I have 3 alarms clock and even some friends calling me in the morning…my brain just doesn’t care anymore…

It’s like I let down myself in the middle of this and don’t know what to do to get back where I was before all this. I don’t know maybe my self-esteem is buried somewhere but can’t reach it anymore. Well if someone knows maybe a good therapist, a group therapy…good advices are also very well welcome.

Thank you for taking time to read this )

Sherifu

Sounds like you could do with enjoying the single life again. Get back to doing what you enjoy; spending time with your friends, hobbies, things you want to do. Be selfish. Do what you want.

amylou

one question - maybe you mentioned it but are you male or female- the reason I ask is that if your male -your more likely to get angry when your unhappy - females - well we just cry!! sorry if I got it wrong.

Do you think your depressed maybe- hard to admit but v.common. it sounds v predictable but you could go talk to your doc first instead of flinging out lots of money on therapy. you sound as if you just want to talk things through and get things straight in your mind. you could try a few anti depressants - they wouldnt be long term - a couple of months would prob sort things out in your head and then youd be strong enough to make long term decissions. nobody has to know your on them.
Sometimes I think we are all just bobbing along - head above water!
good luck

papillon66

when I say I smoke a lot I mean cigarettes...just incase someone had a doubt:rolleyes:

papillon66

yep I'm a female forgot to mention that...:o

amylou

oops sorry - didnt mean to insult.

papillon66

Sounds like you could do with enjoying the single life again. Get back to doing what you enjoy; spending time with your friends, hobbies, things you want to do. Be selfish. Do what you want

I'm trying for 2 or 3 months now... but things just get out my mind for a little while and then come back again...and what I enjoyed becomes boring...I suppose I lost my focus too...and that it is what make me feels frustrated...I should be able to enjoy life and myself...but I get bored of both of them...kinda a no sense for me, I don't understand.

Fysh

It sounds to me like you have a large source of stress that's not being adequately addressed; your shortened temper, altered sleeping pattern and general malaise are all symptoms I recognise as having happened to me when I've had problems I haven't yet addressed.

My suggestion would be to check your diet and make sure you're eating healthily; try to keep your smoking under control and, if you're not already, make sure you get a certain amount of exercise (2-3 times a week). Try and make an opportunity to speak to your friends and explain that you're not feeling up to scratch due to the break-up, I'm sure they'll understand. Throw yourself into your hobbies, or find new ones if you grow tired of the old ones - if they involve social activities, so much the better.

Don't let yourself get anywhere near a relationship for a good while yet though; you need to let go of all the negative baggage that's weighing you down at the moment from the last 2 relationships you went through. (A friend of mine has a rule of thumb that for every year you're in a relationship you have to spend a year single before you're back to "normal" - while I don't necessarily agree, I do know that for myself it's taken at least a year to get back on my feet after a big break-up, and you should keep an eye on how you think about things to make sure you don't either fall into the trap of thinking that one of your exes was wonderful, or of falling for someone new before you're ready to be involved in a relationship again).

Best of luck; it might not seem like it right now but once you get started you'll have the chance to have a lot of fun being single

papillon66

No worry Amylou, you didn't insult me...:) I'm a woman too mcuh in touch with her feelings...and other feelings too...sometimes is good..sometimes is not:)

I Went to see my doctor once asking for some advice or help about it- I explained the situation but she didn't take me seriously and said I needed a week off from work...didn't want to give me any medication .
I always thought I would always be able to sort out things by myself without help from someone or something...but that day I was asking for help. Never got back as I believe that day the last little piece of pride in myself jsut fell out.

Marksie

actually OP despite you assertation that you are in touch with your feelings, its my personal belief you have disconnected at the moment and are just drifting so they are going where they will.

If you were in tuch you would really know the source of whats happening. there does appear to be a lack of focus in your whole life, something you are not able to anchor to and find balance. So consequently you are not grounded on anything.

THe being in the head are part of this, you find smething for a while and then lose interest and get back inot the head and the old behaviour patterns.

So look at the source within yourself that is causing this, continue to look at new activities, experiences that initially engage you and keep working on them.
See where they lead, if it drops away, move to another until you find a whole range you can fully experience at any given time.

Try to keep out of your head, difficult i know, but it can be done, when thoughts intrude, find out where they are coming from.

Keep trying to maintain the connection first with yourself and then externally to the world and people around you. If you keep drifting, then gradually you will find you will withdraw into yourself more and more.

diamondp

you should take some time out for yourself. maybe go on hols for a week or 2 if you can afford it. a week alone in the sun with time to think and clear your head and discover how nice it can be just enjoying your own company.you'd be surprised how good for you that can be.

amylou

sorry dont log on that often! It's easy for me and everyone else to give suggestions-like I can say - go a way for a week etc but sometimes thats just not possible and then if your not 100% - a week on your own could be the worst thing ever. -I can just tell you my experience- and your dead right - I went to a doc once, I was all over the place - everyone else around me seemed to be fine and I felt as if I was barely coping. anyway that doc told me to pull myself together and best foot forward! CRAP! I was lucky because after a while I moved city and then split up with my then guy so I was really low -went to a diff doc for something else - got talking and everything came out!! it was tough for me to admit but I wouldnt really go telling people that I was depressed. anyway after 6 months I was much stronger - and then things seem easier. one thing I think is that things wont always be this way for you. fair enough bad times might happen but good things are just around the corner. talk to your friend.... mine were great!

papillon66

I would like to thanks everybody for the great support and I believe some good advices too...hopefully I'll be able to follow some of them:

-can't go on holidays at the moment but I'm saving for it ..just started last week:rolleyes:
-I went shopping for some fruits,vegetables and fish on Saturday...
-Sunday I went for a drink and dinner with a good friend of mine...great time:)
-it's 16.14pm and I didn't smoke my first cigarette yet:D

I had some lacks not doing too much this weekend which caused some issues to sleep but I'll manage to find the way to fill them(already thought about horse riding and some others activities )

Thank you for giving me energy to change things and hopefully get back on track again...:)