Inferiority Complex

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I'm just looking for some advice on how to deal with an inferiority complex that I have.
I'm a guy in my mid twenties and everything is pretty good in my life at the moment except for a few things.

I am small in stature(5foot 6). I know this isn't too small and its not the worst affliction to have. The biggest issue I have with my height is that when I'm in pubs or clubs I feel that no woman would ever be interested in me when there are loads of taller guys they can choose from instead. Most of the time the first thing I do when I go to the pub or club with friends is to glance around and see all the taller people. I try to go out with the mind set that personality counts and that not all girls are into height and all that and I fully understand that that is where my problem lies. However, as soon as I step into that environment my plans go out the window. I then see my taller friends get chatted up by women the whole time and I base this on the fact that they are taller than me. I think amongst my friends that we all have a similar personality and we are all normal looking.

Any tips or advice would be great lads

TEH REAL CDP

Man, believe me height is not that much of an issue. You're probably not gonna like this - you're just gonna have to get over the height thing. There's no other phrasing imo. If you're conscious of it, you'll project that insecurity on to others and they'll pick it up so you've got to... get confident. You need to boost your self esteem. Stop wallowing in the negative. Some of the most influential people I know are your height and smaller. Its about how you carry yourself, not how tall you are. You don't have to have to be 6 foot to make an impression. Yeah sure, I'm sure its not a bad thing but getting the right type of attention is all about the presence you have. This gravitas is not attained lightly, its built up gradually over a period of time. So the first thing that has to change is your attitude.

In my experience, girls can always sense if a guy is "on the pull". So you've got to stop looking at nights out in that manner. Whatever happens on a night out or whenever, happens. The main objective for your nights and indeed any occasion - should be to have fun and not care about how you think people think you look. When you start relaxing, people will be comfortable around you and you'll begin to attract i.e. be perceived in a positive light. Let your personality come to the fore. The likelihood is that if you don't care about your height, others wont either. You're creating a problem out of nothing in my opinion. Image is not just aesthetics, you should know this. As I said, I know some guys that just dominate a room by presence and they're not short of 5' nothing. Authentic self confidence is the fabric of attraction. So start thinking about yourself in a positive light. Go the gym, make the most of what you've got. Don't be ungrateful - you have a pulse, its up to you to use it. You'll find that as you become more confident, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

Best of luck.

MLE

I feel for you op. Ive always been more attracted to shorter than average height guys than tall guys. But at the same time, Ive never met any other girl who feels that way.. not saying they dont exist, but a lot of girls do find taller men more attractive and alot of people I know think I have unusual tastes.

If your out on the pull and you intend on pulling a 'stranger' then its going to be harder as then people will be making quick judgements on who is attractive or not in those kind of situations, and so being that bit shorter it would be harder to 'stand out in the crowd' iykwim. In saying that if you got to know girls in another way like a club or society etc then it would be easier for them to see how attractive you are by your personality aswell as your physical stature.

Its hard when there is something which is affecting your confidence and most people do have some issue or other that effects their confidence. You cant do anything about your height but you can work on your confidence, maybe some hypnotherapy might help that?

Marksie

I am a tad under 5ft 8" Op.

I dont think its the height that will ake a difference it is probably the outlook. If you convince yourself that people wont be interested then they wont be, they will pick up on it.

Learn inner confidence about yourself first and it will come back to you. The "you are worth it" outlook"

Seraphina

i don't care about height, what i DO care about, is the 'short man syndrome' which is what you appear to have.

an inferiority complex is not attractive, and neither is bitterness and insults when you decide you would rather not date them any more for completely unrelated reasons.

the short guy i went out with seemed to be particularly insecure, which bred other unattractive qualities. dont let that happen to you!!!

Blisterman

I know plenty of short guys, with girlfriends much hotter than anyone I've gone out with, and I'm 6'2.
So if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it.

Mazeire

Hi OP. same situation as you but sort of in reverse. I am a woman and i'm 6ft tall. Most guys tend to go for shorter more petite girls and it used to really annoy me and get me down

Then I figured if they are going to be as shallow and so easily intimidated by something like my height then I dont really want to be bothered with them anyway.

Believe me, when some of them got to know me I gave them other stuff to complain about other than my height

So go out relax and enjoy yourself.

LegacyUser

I'm 5'7, and to be honest I got used to the idea of being my height when I was about 18 or so. I'm 24 now and its literally not even an issue anymore. As was stated before if you walk around with the attitude that your mates are getting chatted up because they're taller, you are gonna look like someone in a sulk, and subsequently not seem instantaneously attractive to the opposite sex. You don't have to be a above a certain height to be engaging and talkative, just get past the whole inferiority complex for god sake. I'm only an inch taller than you, but pull easier than any of my friends. Its not a cockiness/ confidence thing, its just a matter of accepting the hand you were dealt and making the best of it. Neurotic behaviour stands out a mile.

nmk

I'm female and while I personally like taller men, it's not going to be all that attracts me to someone. Two guys in my circle of friends are about your height and ridiculously popular with girls, to the point where the (mainly taller) guys take the p*ss out of them, wonder why that is? They're very comfortable in their own skin, physically active and easy to talk to, traits that are always going to be attractive regardless of height!

GhostInTheRuins

You're right, 5 foot 6 isn't that short. You'll just have to get used to your height because let's face it, there's nothing you can do about it. Perhaps there's other reason's why those girls seem more interested in your friends than you (They're shallow maybe?), I don't know. If you keep seeing your height as an issue then maybe that's a big part of your problem, you need to get out of that mindset. But seriously though, you're not that short at all, I'm 5 3 (And no, I don't have "short man syndrome" )

LegacyUser

Wow....all of those replies have been fantastic. I can resonate with everything said above. Thanks for the help guys.

With regards the small man syndrome, I always thought of myself as someone that doesn't have that but I guess I do otherwise this wouldn't be an issue.

Right so, immediately I'm going to put most of this advice into practice. Some tips I have already mastered. For example, when I go out now I always tell myself "I am heading out for a laugh and not to pull". However, this has kind of resulted in me becoming the joker of the pack in that while I'm having great craic the world around me is moving forward if you get me. I just need to find that happy medium and all should be fine.

LegacyUser

TipGuy83 wrote: »

Wow....all of those replies have been fantastic. I can resonate with everything said above. Thanks for the help guys.

With regards the small man syndrome, I always thought of myself as someone that doesn't have that but I guess I do otherwise this wouldn't be an issue.

Right so, immediately I'm going to put most of this advice into practice. Some tips I have already mastered. For example, when I go out now I always tell myself "I am heading out for a laugh and not to pull". However, this has kind of resulted in me becoming the joker of the pack in that while I'm having great craic the world around me is moving forward if you get me. I just need to find that happy medium and all should be fine.

Going out with the sole intention of having a laugh is the best way to be, if you go out with the ulterior motive of scoring, you'll inevitably look like some guy posturing hoping to catch a girls eye and wanna pull. Being a joker isn't an altogether bad thing, joking puts people at ease and makes it easier to engage em in substantial conversation, not just your regular pub banter. What I would say is to try not be the joker 100% of the time, tone it down a little so that you can talk to girls with a level of seriousness too, just to show em your intelligent and likeable and able to hold a conversation.
The key is just relax, and have a laugh, its unbelievable the amount of times i've been approached by girls because i'm the only one in my group who was smiling and having a laugh, while the rest of em were standing there with thgeir beers with 'blue steel' (zoolander) poser faces on. You'll be grand honestly, 5'6 is not small at all, and besides we're all the same height lying down.....

moco

I would never see height as an issue at all. One of my favourite exes was 5ft1. Try to stop making it a problem for yourelf, it isn't for other people.

missmatty

Yes don't worry about it. One of my exes was about 5'3" and it wasn't an issue for me.

di11on

You are as attractive to women as you believe yourself to be.... to a large extent!

If you are a confident self-assured person this will tend to outweigh a lot of physical factors. The problem is, you're caught in a catch 22 situation where you believe, because of your short stature, that you are less attractive to women. Unfortunately, this can become a self fulfilling prophecy. Not because you are short... but because you believe yourself to be less interesting to women.

That's the psychology.. what about the facts? Is there any truth to your supposition that your height in any way is a factor in how attractive you are to women (insecurities notwithstanding). Not a shred. Actually, there is some evidence to suggest the contrary. Look at the abstract to this study:
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1978.tb00606.x

Now that you know there is no evidence to support your idea that your height has anything to do with anything... its time to get you head straightened out :-)

There are many things you can do to improve on your confidence and self image. Since a history of negative thought patterns are what brought you to this place, bettering yourself will involve taking responsibility for your thought patterns and developing more healthy, constructive ways of thinking.

Google it and stay away from people that want your money! Seeing a professional may help... but make sure it's a professional! I'm a strong believer in the principle that we all need to look after our minds just as much as our bodies.

farva

Man I'm 22 and am the same height as you 5'6", and it used to bother me quite a lot. In fact I think that it has driven me a lot to succeed - I'm in my final year of a decent high points college course and have a good job lined up. I guess that I was compensating for my height, I'm fairly sure that if I was taller I wouldn't be so ambitious.

In the last year or 2 I've gotten over my height and have gained way more self confidence. Before I'd be shy and embarrassed to stand out in a crowd because I'm fairly small. But now I'm very confident in myself and talk to anyone - my mates think that its weird that I talk to so many random strangers. I put my self confidence down to the gym - I was a little fat before I hit the gym seriously after doing no excercise for about 2 years. Now I nearly have a 6 pack, have really big arms for my size and regulaly embarras guys way taller than me as to what I can lift - maybe the gym isnt for you but I'd say you should do something for the confidence, it should help massively with the girls!

With regard to pulling girls, I'm still a bit funny about trying to pull girls on a night out in clubs. I have no problem talking to a girl in a pub/house party and if it goes well maybe asking for a number - I think that my self confidence has helped me with that. But whether your 6'7" or 5'2" the whole idea of sleezing up on a girl on a dancefloor and going for a cheeky score doesn't appeal to me. I know that in reality it doesnt matter if you get shot down,but I dont like doing it.

LegacyUser

Hi op just wondering what age you are exactly? I am asking because some people are strange (like myself) with regards height. I went from 5'7" to 5'11" from the ages of 21 -> 23. I am 23 now but wondering if I had started doing weights when I was like 20 would I have kept growing during that time because I heard they can stunt your growth.

Beaucoupfish

TEH REAL CDP

What you said was really true and kind