Resentment

LegacyUser

im not exactly sure what im looking for by posting this , maybe i just need to vent ... thing is , i love my boyfriend , there isnt anything i wouldn't do for him, ive been with him 3 nearly 4 years... but since i met him ive taken him on loads of weekends away , even paid for him to see his favorite soccer team including tickets flights and accommodation , he loves his soccer team so much i just wanted to see him happy getting him the present ... now , im not a materialistic person , i would rather a nice cooked dinner as opposed to an expensive restaurant and flowers as opposed to expensive jewelery and a lot of the time i don't expect anything at all.. but not once hsa my boyfriend taken me any where EVER.... ive asked for a weekend away as my xmas present , nothing fancy , just a cheap weekend away , but didnt get it , then i said for valentines that i would pay half and that i just wanted a weekend away ...still nothing and on many occasions since but still ... nothing ...
when we have a argument , not that we argue all the time or anything , but when we do and its as result of something he has done , im not saying im perfect i make mistakes too .. but say it is his fault .. sometimes he wont even apologise , it gets to the point sometimes that after a days silence that i actually have to ask for it ... its like he is angry with me for him F*&king up ...and i suppose right now , im feeling im being taken for granted and im begin inning to feel resentment towards him ....
Any advice ??
I dont want this point making him out to be a terrible boyfriend cause he isnt so this isnt intended for him to get slated but maybe there are some men out there who can give me an insight into the male perspective ???

Beruthiel

sothere45 wrote: »

Any advice ??

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Two things.
Talk to him and tell him how you feel about the above.
Secondly, we don't do things for our other half because we expect the same in return. We do them because we care.
Does he not make you feel special in other ways?

Sherifu

Is he tight with his money? Does he have debts or is he short of money? Is it a big enough reason to break up with him?

LegacyUser

No its not a big enough reason to break up with him... we're not loaded but neither of us are skint either !
At the start i did buy him weekend away trips and never expected anything back, hand on my heart truth... but after nearly 4 years you would think that he would have brought me away to least one place , i seriously dont expect the ritz like , a simple B&B by the beach would do.... its hard to be the giver ALL the time .....
I have tried to talk to him , i even offered to pay half as long as he organised to even make it feel like he was doing something for me but no , he wouldnt even do that ..
Im not a demanding person im honestly not but seriously , why is he thinks i dont deserve to be treated the way i treat him ?

BobTheBeat

Could be the fact that he's used to you falling over him that he just isnt 'wired that way', if you know what I mean. Some people are just like that and their partners just accept it as being, well.. them!

Im not saying for a second that you have to put up with it. You should really aim to have it out with him about it. Just ask for a definitive answer as to why he refuses to even engage on this level (spending time away with each other etc.). I think maybe you might have ignored it all along, but its possible he was never like that, nor had any intention of becoming so.
Either way, your going to have to sort it out soon.

all the stars

Sorry honey,

Ever think maybe he's just enjoying taking all the things he's been given?

Why would he bother bringing you anywhere when clearly you seem to cover all expenses. Dont get me wrong, my OH is in college & i have no issue covering most things when i can - but i am repayed in many other ways whenever possible - (thats odviously not why i do things - like you, i love to see him enjoy the things he wants)

Its give & take. Maybe slow down taking out your purse for dinner, only offer up half the bill, suggest going halves on things - if he is working & can afford it, it shouldn't be a problem.

seraphimvc

OP,is that the irish man you are talking about?i think you get the point.

is a motto of some people that i found it quite usefull in relatinoship,try it out:
sometimes saying NO to them would make life
abit exciting and sexy or else how would they appreciate what we have
done for them?i love u and that's why i do that for u,honey,not
because i have to,but i want to do that:)

ah well good luck.communicate is the only way.

LegacyUser

he says he would love to take me away but doesnt no how ... which is bull... if he actually really did want to , then he would...it aint rocket science !!!!
I dont no , i hate saying it to him cause he thinks im being demanding which doesnt make sense cause we have had this conversation and i have said to him out of all the places we've ever been to how may has he organised ,which he answered none , then he just gets angry with me for his lack of action... i just dont understand his mentality...
on everything else we would generally go halves but i feel like i put a lot more in then i get back i dont expect something back all the time but every once in a while would really mean so much to me ....

Mazeire

Stop doing mad extravagant things and stick to doing the simple stuff like cooking dinner and maybe the cinema. Looking at a decreasing bank balance can't be helping your mood about things.

You could just ask him flat out why he doesn't seem to put as much effort in to it as you and explain how much his attitude when you have a dis agrement about something upsets you. Sulking never solves anything. if you are going to have a future together I think you need to work on your communication above anything else.

LegacyUser

Mazeire wrote: »

Stop doing mad extravagant things and stick to doing the simple stuff like cooking dinner and maybe the cinema. Looking at a decreasing bank balance can't be helping your mood about things.

You could just ask him flat out why he doesn't seem to put as much effort in to it as you and explain how much his attitude when you have a dis agrement about something upsets you. Sulking never solves anything. if you are going to have a future together I think you need to work on your communication above anything else.

I agree ... but any idea how to get someone to listen to you and actually take in what your saying without them being dismissive ... or communicate more with you on what they are thinking ?? have tried lots of different approaches...none seem to work...

Mazeire

sothere45 wrote: »

I agree ... but any idea how to get someone to listen to you and actually take in what your saying without them being dismissive ... or communicate more with you on what they are thinking ?? have tried lots of different approaches...none seem to work...

What have you been trying? Do you keep your cool during these discussions? I f you are trying to have a calm rational discussion about how you feel about things and he is fobbing you off then thats a problem. A big one.

whiskeyman

Me mightn't know how!! Seriously!!

For some blokes, organising something can just be a nightmare... or they just mightn't do it.
Every year, I 'take' a gang of mates abroad on a holiday, and every year I organise it. I sware sometimes I feel like a leader of a creche, as some of them wouldn't have the foggiest how to book it or do anything.


Has he ever booked his own break / with his family etc...?

Ishindar

sothere45 wrote: »

then he just gets angry with me for his lack of action.he says he would love to take me away but doesnt no how

OP i think u need to raise this issue with him and point out that its immature and totally unacceptable behavior and never to happen again on any level. Its little boy mentality & very unatractive.

sothere45 wrote: »

he says he would love to take me away but doesnt no howim begin inning to feel resentment towards him

again u need to question his compatence here. life brings many challenges, how is going to rise to these challenges if he cant even organise a short trip?
does he think u want to settle for a partner who is incapable?

sometimes u have to be tough on the ones u love to make progress for everyones sakes.

sothere45 wrote: »

im beginning to feel resentment towards him

one big pointer in a relationship is never to let things build up inside you. because when u do eventually react, u have built things up to a point where u can present it out of proportion.
Its important to put your mind to rest on all matters as soon as possible to keep your relationship good.