Am I right to be Pissed off??

Niamh21

Ok... I'll try to keep this as short as possible.....

I'm going out with my boyfriend 5 months now. About 4/5 weeks ago we were having a quiet night in when he receives a txt from a girl he slept with 7 years ago. This girl is now married to my boyfriends friend. The text said " I think I'm still in love with you". So, my boyfriend ignored the text and the next day he received an apology text from her. About 2 weeks later, we were in the pub and this girl and her husband were there. Now, I had met her husband a couple of times before, this was my first time seeing her. I refused to let my boyfriend introduce us properly as i was afraid i would'nt be able to be civil to her!! (Childish i know, but i'm a fairly jealous person, which I hate about myself!!) So, because we were'nt introduced, i reckon she figured my boyfriend had told me about the text, and she left fairly swiftly with her husband. Then...... a week ago, my boyfriends mate was having a house party. I did'nt go cause i had the flu, but told my boyfriend to go without me. Now i knew this girl would prob be at the party, but i trust my boyfriend 100% and figured the girls husband would also be there. Anyway..... so i get a call from my boyfriend at about 10:30 saying he's leaving the party and heading home. Apparently....this girl was at the party, without her husband (he was away) and started texting my boyfriend. First of all saying "sorry" again, then saying she sometimes wished things were different between them. My boyfriend text her back, calling her by her married name, and told her not to be silly. She text back saying she did'nt care about being stupid and that she was in the bathroom by herself. This is when my boyfriend left the party and rang me. My blood was f**king boiling when i heard this!!

So my question.... should i say something to this girl next time i see her, or threaten to tell her husband?? As i said, I'm a jealous person, and my stomach turns everytime i think about her making a move on my boyfriend!!!
My boyfriend does'nt want me to say anything to her cause her husband is a friend of his and it will make things really awkward. But i really don't know if i'll be able to contain myself, especially with a few drinks on me!!

Help??!!!

Nikster

You're lucky you have such a trustworthy boyfriend. I would take her to one side and have a private work in her ear, but she probably won't try it again. She might be too embarrassed after being blown off

bronte

You're in the fortunate position of having a boyfriend who clearly loves you, and has a lot of respect for you.
He has it firmly under control.
He has resisted all her advances.
I wouldn't go driving him away by saying anything to this girl.
Just avoid her as much as possible if you feel you can't be civil.
Respect his wishes, he sounds like a keeper.

Overheal

She had her chance a long, long time ago.

Personally I would pity her before I despised her if what she has been saying to him is the honest truth. But keep it to yourself: because its his baggage, not yours. He seems to be well in control of the matter.

daisy123

Good for him!! Hopefully now that he has openly rejected her, she'll cop onto her sad little self. I wouldn't say anything to her, might make her think you care too much and that you are jealous for a reason i.e. your boyfriend is giving you a reason!

Just take pleasure in the fact that her and her husband are obviously having marital difficulties whilst you and your man seem to have a perfect, loving and trusting relationship!!

takola

OP you're boyfriend has been upfront and honest about everything that's happened. You're fully aware of the situation and he does have it completely under control. He's asked you not to say anything to this girl. Respect that and don't do anything. Avoid her as much as possible. I don't think you have anything at all to worry about. He's not interested in her.

IMO, your jealousy is your own problem and something you'll have to cope with. If you let jealousy get the better of you and say something to her against your OH's wishes it will create problems in the relationship. He's dealing with it. Trust him to do that and you concentrate on the relationship and try not to stress out about it too much.

Niamh21

Thanks guys! You're right, I am very lucky to have my boyfriend. He is simply great. I would hate to give her the satisfaction of letting this become an issue between me and my boyfriend. But I really will have to avoid her, my face does'nt hide my feelings well :rolleyes:

It's great to get an outsiders perspective. My close friends were horrified when i told them and got me even more wound up about it!! I feel alot calmer about it now

Miss Fluff

bronte wrote: »

You're in the fortunate position of having a boyfriend who clearly loves you, and has a lot of respect for you.
He has it firmly under control.
He has resisted all her advances.
I wouldn't go driving him away by saying anything to this girl.
Just avoid her as much as possible if you feel you can't be civil.
Respect his wishes, he sounds like a keeper.

+1, he sounds like a great guy. She is making a complete fool of herself, you have nothing to worry about with your BF though so just try to avoid any confrontation.

Liam Byrne

She's probably an ex for a reason. As long as your b/f reminds himself of that reason, you have nothing to worry about.....

Plus, if he's happy with you, there's no reason for you to worry.

And fair play to him for handling it really well......you've got a good one there.

From the sounds of it, the only person who could possibly make this into an issue is you, and you seem to have made up your mind not to.

Pigletlover

Niamh21 wrote: »

Thanks guys! You're right, I am very lucky to have my boyfriend. He is simply great. I would hate to give her the satisfaction of letting this become an issue between me and my boyfriend. But I really will have to avoid her, my face does'nt hide my feelings well :rolleyes:

I think by saying something to her that's exactly what you would be doing.

Your boyfriend clearly has no interest in her and has shown you respect by being open and honest with you, so you should do the same by respecting his wishes and not saying anything to the girl or her husband. Chances are she feels like a complete fool having been rejected by your boyfriend (and if she doesn't she should). Consider yourself the lucky one - you have a faithful trustworthy boyfriend, what does she have? a shambles of a marriage. Unless she tries it on again, let it go. Just be cool with here and she'll know that you know without you having to say anything to her or her poor husband.

ergonomics

Talking to her will blow the whole thing up. Tell your boyfriend he HAS to talk to his friend, or else the girl. Make sure he was proof (i.e. text messages) because the friend will most likely not believe him. You are not involved directly so stay out of it because you will just create a mess even though your interests are good.

John Mason

It's not your place to speak to this girl or her husband you will only make matters worse.

If you bf wants to leave then it should be left alone. It is his problem not yours

biko

irishbird wrote: »

It's not your place to speak to this girl or her husband you will only make matters worse.

If you bf wants to leave then it should be left alone. It is his problem not yours

IB speaks wisely.

who_ru

daisy123 wrote: »

Just take pleasure in the fact that her and her husband are obviously having marital difficulties whilst you and your man seem to have a perfect, loving and trusting relationship!!

what a riduclous thing to say

Mighty_Mouse

But i really don't know if i'll be able to contain myself, especially with a few drinks on me!!

If you do open yer gob & make a scene
From yer bf's point of view:
a) means have to from this point forward carefully consider what you need to know & what you dont.
b) Dump you.


Personally, I'd go with (b) cos couldnt be in a relationship that required (a)
& couldnt be dealing with a gf with no self-control & who attracts problems where none exist.

Abi

who_ru wrote: »

what a riduclous thing to say

It was a little off-colour alright.

I'd never wish marraige troubles on anyone, and it is because this woman isn't happy that she started texting the OP's boyfriend in the first place.

This woman was pretty devious and selfish by doing what she did, and if I was the OP I would feel just the way she does.

As a few other posters have mentioned, her boyf handled things superbly- I'd be very proud of him.

I don't think approaching this woman is her place either, no matter how much it p*sses her off. People like that get their comeuppance sooner or later.

I'd be feeling pretty good right now about my relationship if I was OP, its a sign of good things for her. And she must remember that when she comes face-to-face with this woman.

gaz wac

Everyone thinks the Boy friend is a saint! How do we know he didnt shag the ex in the toilets and only left the party at 10.30 cos he was tired ??

Zombrex

Niamh21 wrote: »

So my question.... should i say something to this girl next time i see her, or threaten to tell her husband?? As i said, I'm a jealous person, and my stomach turns everytime i think about her making a move on my boyfriend!!!

Why? Your boyfriend hasn't given you any reason to think he would do anything has he? So what are you worried about. I doubt she is the only woman in the world to fancy your boyfriend, she is just one you know does.

Your boyfriend has asked you not to say anything, he is acting in a way as to not upset you, this is really between him and her and her husban/his friend.

Leave it I say. What would you say to her anyway? "Get your hands, yeah your hands, off my man, my man, my man"

Abi

gaz wac wrote: »

Everyone thinks the Boy friend is a saint! How do we know he didnt shag the ex in the toilets and only left the party at 10.30 cos he was tired ??

There has to be some element of trust in a relationship. If you don't have that, you have nothing. And, unless there is evidence to the contrary, you have to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and move on.

In this case, from the get-go he was honest with her. He told her that she had texted him, about the apology texts from her, what he said back etc.

You shouldn't vent your own insecurities, especially when the OP was asking for advice about how she should deal with the woman, not her boyf.

helimachoptor

Abigayle wrote: »

There has to be some element of trust in a relationship. If you don't have that, you have nothing. And, unless there is evidence to the contrary, you have to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and move on.

In this case, from the get-go he was honest with her. He told her that she had texted him, about the apology texts from her, what he said back etc.

Good point he could have said nothing and been off socking it to her but instead OP he told you.

Having been in a similar situation let me tell you be happy that he is telling you. When he stops telling you what she's saying then get worried.

star-pants

I agree with most of the other posters OP - your boyfriend was right in letting you know what happened (if he'd hidden it and you found out after you'd have suspected something happened). It shows his loyalty and trust in you that you could take that information and not go nuts.

You are good to have held your head high - I know you feel anger towards her and tbh so would I - but you are better than that and you know it. You rise above this and leave her be. If she needs pushing off, I'm sure your boyfriend will put her in her place. If you said anything you would be letting her know that you're afraid she could take him away, and that's not the case. He's *your* boyfriend.

Niamh21

He did say if she tried it again, he's finished trying to let her down gently and will tell her to **** off. I'm done thinking about it. I'm lucky to have such a great boyfriend (almost as lucky as he is to have me for a girlfriend ). I'll just ignore her when we are out together and get on with enjoying myself. Thanks a mil for all comments guys!!