Friendship...drifting apart?

LegacyUser

Going unregistered for this as it seems a bit petty, but I would like some opinions, as I am upset over it. I have been friends with a girl since primary school, now she has moved countries to the US. We used to be really good friends as far as I was concerned, I really liked her company and loved her as a close friend. I try to keep in contact by sending emails, facebook messages and texting.

Have not been able to call much because of shift work, time difference and other things like that. She has not sent emails since December, even though I have sent around 3 or 4. Occasional texts but only if I send one first. Is it petty to be upset over this? I didn't think our friendship meant so little that it would be out of sight out of mind. I thought we would stay in contact.

I feel hurt, like our friendship obviously didn't mean much to her as it did to me. I can't understand why she isn't bothered to even send a few emails, she is often online and posting on facebook. I know its petty and silly to be so hurt, but I really miss her and feel upset that a long term friendship would be cast aside so easily. We are in our late 20's by the way! Not 16 year olds!

Canis Lupus

She's in a different country with new friends. It sucks but that can be the way it goes. I'm personally horrendous for keeping in touch with people back home since I moved to the UK.

How Strange

OP, I'd say it's a case of she is setting up her new life over there and she just hasn't gotten around to mailing you or whatever. I know I can be quite bad at keeping in contact with people and its not that I don't want to. Often times, I'll remind myself to email such a person and then I forget and a month or two or more have passed.

I think you should try to look at it from her perspective so don't get too upset about it but do email her and say something along the lines of 'an email or two would be nice to let me know how things are going for you and how you are settling in'. If you are friends for such a long time surely you can politely but firmly remind her to keep in contact.

Overheal

To add some contrast, I live out here by myself, with family in the States. I rarely ever speak to my brother even though we are shoulder-to-shoulder: its just circumstance. Not much to say over email or IM or voice. We do our talking in person or basically not at all, unless its something critical.
And then my Mom will try emailing me every so often but I never email her. At the back of my mind there are a few reasons for that, but mostly its because I have nothing to say to her. I even started e-dating one of my brother's friends for a while but that fell apart after a few weeks for a few reasons. And even my step-brother who lives 30 minutes away: we lead such different lives now theres little to no commonality anymore. But I dont think that makes us less familial with eachother.

In short OP it basically boils to not having a need to synchronize. Im sure you still have a friendship with her. I am. But a lot of the time, with long distance, it just gets tedious to keep up to date with the mundane details. Without common issues, its hard to relate. You know?

Personally I think it sounds like a good thing: it means she is settling in, and enjoying herself. Thats important. I spent years here constantly longing for the USA before I came around to calling this place Home. That doesn't mean she's forgotten about you. Childhood friends? Not a snowballs chance in hell sir.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies already! I wouldn't mind though if she wasn't emailing because she didn't have the time. What hurts is that she posts on message boards every day, and facebook, but never sends emails. It just hurts a bit! I know its ridiculous and I should just forget it, and think oh well, she's in a new country, new friends etc, but its not the way I am myself so its hard. I don't have any family so my friends are so important to me. Thanks for the replies, I appreciate the input.

LegacyUser

Another thing I would like an opinion on. She has said she wouldn't consider anyone a good friend if they would not visit her while she is living abroad. She said it would be a test of a friendship if they would or would not visit her. I cannot visit due to circumstances. I am not going abroad anywhere, I would love to visit her but cannot. She has dropped contact since then even though I have explained why I cannot visit. Am I being unfair?

TouchingVirus

She seems unreasonable about that

LegacyUser

I definately think it seems unfair that she assumes people should come and visit her and perhaps judges based on this.

You say you dont call her much. Perhaps you should try giving her a call or skype somethime soon, sometimes there is nothing like an actual chat to feel closer to someone. maybe facebook her and arrange a suitable time

Its hard when people move away ..if you have known her since childhood, its like a little bit of your childhood gone. You say you cant visit at the moment and she is unfair to judge on this..however how about planning for a trip in six months or a year if you cant visit right now ..she might appriate this

At the end of the day its hard to let friendships go..but contact is made harder on another continent. focus on going out and meeting friends over here, if you can, sometimes reminincing about a friendship is all the more possible if your feeling a bit lonely overhere....

Overheal

UnRegUser wrote: »

Another thing I would like an opinion on. She has said she wouldn't consider anyone a good friend if they would not visit her while she is living abroad. She said it would be a test of a friendship if they would or would not visit her. I cannot visit due to circumstances. I am not going abroad anywhere, I would love to visit her but cannot. She has dropped contact since then even though I have explained why I cannot visit. Am I being unfair?

No, you're not. If you cant visit you cant visit. Maybe she is hurt by the fact, but it sounds childish to give the Silent Treatment over it.

Did she explain this 'test' of hers to any of her other friends?