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  • 31-03-2008 4:06pm
    #1
    Krsnik87
    Closed Accounts Posts: 292 ✭✭


    This is my first attempt at poetry, thought I'd post it for some reason...
    _________________________________

    If ever I find myself in those halls of despare,
    I won't back down or shed a drop.
    This had to happen, it did, it had to, but why so long?
    The point is slow, the world is slower in my eyes...

    What is this feeling of reversal?
    Time folding like a napkin speaking backwards,
    Makes sence to me,
    That bliss, enlightened sence of self.

    I have met god but which one?
    Is it all? Is it one? Is it me?
    Sound answers all who ask,
    How and why are not so different anymore.

    Love will take you there and love will bring you back,
    Its just a picture that lets you know you are here.
    Bombs and drugs have alot in common,
    You only stop when you know its bad

    The more you express, the more you understand,
    This is it...
    __________________________________

    Flame away lol...


Comments

  • #2
    elleA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭elleA


    Krsnik87 wrote: »
    This is my first attempt at poetry, thought I'd post it for some reason...
    _________________________________

    If ever I find myself in those halls of despare,
    I won't back down or shed a drop.
    This had to happen, it did, it had to, but why so long?
    The point is slow, the world is slower in my eyes...

    What is this feeling of reversal?
    Time folding like a napkin speaking backwards,
    Makes sence to me,
    That bliss, enlightened sence of self.

    I have met god but which one?
    Is it all? Is it one? Is it me?
    Sound answers all who ask,
    How and why are not so different anymore.

    Love will take you there and love will bring you back,
    Its just a picture that lets you know you are here.
    Bombs and drugs have alot in common,
    You only stop when you know its bad

    The more you express, the more you understand,
    This is it...
    __________________________________

    Flame away lol...


    It's definitely thought-provoking but I found it a little hard to follow.
    It might be more effective if it flowed better or had a more even structure but I think it has potential.

    There are a few typos in it which I 'bolded' above.


    despare should be despair

    sence should be sense

    god should be God but perhaps that is just me being pedantic :rolleyes:

    its should be it's or it is


  • #3
    Feelgood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,191 ✭✭✭Feelgood


    Very nice, very nice...

    Bit deep for a Friday afternoon though I like it.


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