whats in a song?

dr.quirky

hi all.
i just write lyrics as an end so i have words to sing as opposed to jus goin doo du doo doo all the time over music.

heres a bits of a songs , jus wondering what people think , be glad to hear anything , good bad or indiferent on them. anything atal, quality of lyric, word, rhyme, flow, pace ,rythm , personal response, immediate thoughts after reading? or lack there of any of the above?


"Delicates"
"
hands are shaking ,knees are weak,
i dunno where i am this week,
its underground and undeserved,
three course justice will be served,
i dunno why i critisize, i see the same thing with these eyes

delicately redefine my compedence
delicately deconstruct my confidence
delicately , out of mind, dont surprise me
delicately , set on fire, dont surprise me. "

and a bit of another one ;


"Replacements"
" the replacement, im sure you can but i sure can't
it left without a trace, memories in black lace.
oh well the world can rise, shadows on the rest
fear of god to break a candle, blade of grass to hold a candle.
replace me far away, if its empty you must stay,
candleland here or there, never find it anyway.

candleland is in my head

Stagger on, clearly bored, matchstick girl is being ignored,
heavy hearts hold long candles, where is it a simple shamble
replace me far away, if its faintly you must pray
cause , candleland here or there,i'll never find it anyway

candleland is in my mind

wish i never seen those eyes, wish I , a thousand times
dont want to understand why, candleland is in my mind
wish all the drugs to fail . wish all the stains to fade,
dont really want to know why, candleland is in my mind
wish i didnt look behind, wish my knees didnt shake with fear
cant ever understand why

candleland is in my mind
candleland is in my mind"

thats her! brutal honesty is accepted, i wont take any offence!!

Xqzciara

i think they are very good:pac:
id have to hear u sing them though!

Neal_B

I'd like to hear them with some heavy metal music , no joke.
They actually seem quite ''slipknotty?!'' (A good thing IMO)
Not sure if that's your thing but I don't think it would be great with a strummed acoustic or softly played piano......

Did you have a type of music in mind to set them to?

dr.quirky

haha! forgot i posted this here! :D *slight embarrassment*

Thanks neal, actually hav these put to music, recorded an all, the second one is mostly with slowish acoustic with flowing baseline, kind of country ballady/classic rock going heavy in places . first one is kind of bluesy rock with a hard rock/metally chorus, thanks for the input!!:):)