Extreamly Uncomfortable around family

LegacyUser

Hey just looking for a bit of advice on this or wondering if anyone has ever experienced anything similar. For the past 3 years or so I feel totally uncomfortable around my parents. I just feel that I have very little to say to them, I feel extreamly uncomfortable and hate being around them. When I come home from work I usually go on the web, they are usually in the sitting room, I feel grand if they're arond me and we'll chat away a bit. But I feel extreamly uncomfortable if I go into the sitting room to watch tv, I have no interest in watching whatevers on but I would sit in for maybe 10 mins a day cause I hate that im activly avoiding them. I actually feel so uncomfortable that I don't even breath naturally.

I have no reason to feel this way because I have never got on with them badly or they have never done anything on me. One of my sisters has mentioned to me before that she feels uncomfortable round them so rathers spending time out of the house with her mates but it doesn't affect her like it affects me, I think feeling uncomfortable all the time is destroying the remainder of my confidence.
I actually love when they head away for the week and I get a bit of space to myself.
I don't know if anyone has experienced anything similar or what I expect to hear but any advice would be really appreciated

tbh

familiarity breeds contempt. It's very hard for an adult to live with the people who changed your nappy. You'll find that when you move out, you'll really miss your parents. How old are you anyway?

Sherifu

What exactly makes you uncomfortable? Something they do or it's something in your mind?

How Strange

OP, how old are you? I'd guess that you are around 19 or 20. I think what you're describing is the last dregs of teenage behaviour and unfortunately when we act like that we take it out on our parents because they are probably the only people who'll put up with it. I'm sure when you're at college you're a lovely friendly guy but once you step inside your house you revert to your teenage ways.

IMO, it takes guys a lot longer to shake this off and I know from my own brother that he really only grew up and stopped acting like a spoilt brat at 23 or 24.

Try to be a little more civil to your parents. I know it's hard because everything they do seems to annoy you but look at it from their perspective..their son comes home and sulks around the place and hardly speaks to them all the while using their internet and eating their food.

LegacyUser

tbh wrote: »

familiarity breeds contempt. It's very hard for an adult to live with the people who changed your nappy. You'll find that when you move out, you'll really miss your parents. How old are you anyway?

I don't feel any contempt or dislike tbh, maybe i've just got too old to want to live anywhere near them, I shouldn't feel uncomfortable around them. Maybe it's cause I dont do what I want to do around them, like when I come home I would rather have the sitting room to myself or just head up to my room, it could be that a force myself to spend a few mins with them although id say most people would be happy to. I just don't know tbh.
Im 25 btw, way too old to be living at home but I owe the bank too much money so thats keeping me from moving out.

Sherifu wrote: »

What exactly makes you uncomfortable? Something they do or it's something in your mind?

It's all in my mind, although my sis has said before she doesn't like the athmosphere either, but none of us get on badly

How Strange wrote: »

OP, how old are you? I'd guess that you are around 19 or 20. I think what you're describing is the last dregs of teenage behaviour and unfortunately when we act like that we take it out on our parents because they are probably the only people who'll put up with it. I'm sure when you're at college you're a lovely friendly guy but once you step inside your house you revert to your teenage ways.

IMO, it takes guys a lot longer to shake this off and I know from my own brother that he really only grew up and stopped acting like a spoilt brat at 23 or 24.

Try to be a little more civil to your parents. I know it's hard because everything they do seems to annoy you but look at it from their perspective..their son comes home and sulks around the place and hardly speaks to them all the while using their internet and eating their food.

Definitly not teenage behaviour, im perfectly civil, I don't get on badly with them and we never fight. If I was not civil or we got on badly I would have been thrown out years ago.

How Strange

Uncomfortable99 wrote: »

I don't feel any contempt or dislike tbh, maybe i've just got too old to want to live anywhere near them, I shouldn't feel uncomfortable around them. Maybe it's cause I dont do what I want to do around them, like when I come home I would rather have the sitting room to myself or just head up to my room, it could be that a force myself to spend a few mins with them although id say most people would be happy to. I just don't know tbh.
Im 25 btw, way too old to be living at home but I owe the bank too much money so thats keeping me from moving out.
It's all in my mind, although my sis has said before she doesn't like the athmosphere either, but none of us get on badly

Move out of home and establish a healthy parent/adult son relationship where they will be pleased to see you every other weekend for Sunday lunch and you'll be the grownup son who chats to them, asks them how things are etc and then leaves again.
No wonder you resent them; you're too old to be living at home. They probably resent you a little too as they prob want the house to themselves.

If you really can't move out because of money problems then you'll just have to get over yourself and treat your parents with the respect they deserve for allowing you to still live at home. Look into gettting one of those outside room things and put a tv and stereo in it.

DILLIGAF

I'm not sure. I can see the sense in the replies here but it's not like the lad is having a little trouble finding something to talk about. It's not like he can go to footy game with his dad or help his mum with shopping and it'll all be rosey. If you actually breath weird when your around because your so conscious of that fact that they make you feel awkward, then you need to get away. And maybe not look back for a little while. Get on the dole for a bit, claim everything you can, get a job, do whatever, but defo get away and if you feel the need to keep in touch with them then do, if not? then don't! simple as that

LegacyUser

Hi OP, im the exact same as yourself, im a 25 year old fella just uncomfortable around my parents, I felt the same about 2 years ago. I had NOTHING to say to them, I started getting really really quiet and it was a struggle to have a conversation. There were no arguements or bad feelings from them, just a lack of communication from my part.

But then I moved to another county for a job, all those feelings vanished and I really enjoyed chatting for the whole length of time. After changing jobs and moving back I am living at home now about 6 months and its back to square one. Its horrible but this time im mature enough to realise its nothing to do with them, Im just sick to death of being around them,at the end of the day theyre your parents, not your best mates,your wife, girlfriend, or anything like that. I have two words, and I have to apply this to myself ,MOVE OUT
I know as soon as I move out Ill be good friends with them again, you need your space and your a fully grown adult living and dependant on other people, of course your going to be uncomfortable

helimachoptor

How Strange wrote: »

Move out of home and establish a healthy parent/adult son relationship where they will be pleased to see you every other weekend for Sunday lunch and you'll be the grownup son who chats to them, asks them how things are etc and then leaves again.
No wonder you resent them; you're too old to be living at home. They probably resent you a little too as they prob want the house to themselves.

If you really can't move out because of money problems then you'll just have to get over yourself and treat your parents with the respect they deserve for allowing you to still live at home. Look into gettting one of those outside room things and put a tv and stereo in it.

Do this, Myself and my mam never got on. Mainly cos everything she did irrated me! About 3 years ago I grew up and now we get on great. My brother (19) Is like I was moody but he'll change in a few years.

Dizzyblonde

I can see how difficult it is for you to still be living at home when you'd rather be elsewhwere, and if there's only one sitting room in the house it's harder still for everyong involved to be able to do what they want in the evening.
On the other hand, your parents are obviously willing to let you live at home at your age when you can't afford to live anywhere else and although they're your parents this is still very generous of them. We know what's in it for you - cheap rent - but what's in it for them? They have someone living with them who avoids them and is sullen and awkward, yet eats their food and enjoys all the comforts of a family home without participating in family life!
Maybe if you made an effort to talk to them or bring them out for dinner once in a while you'd get to know them as an adult and not just as their little boy.

Do you think you feel awkward around them because you still depend on them? I bet they don't really mind that you are, but maybe you could tell them you appreciate what they're doing for you?