Siblings....???

Hooly22

I just wanted to ask, is there anyone out there who just doesn't get on with their siblings?

I'm 17, have an older sister(early20s) and we just don't get on. I always feel really resentful to her, and at times I just don't want to be around her. (I know this sounds really b****y, but it's hard to explain what she's done)

I always feel quite jealous when I see brothers and sisters together. Without sounding stupid, I'm in a way craving someone to be that protective over me.

Nikster

My brother and sister don't speak at all. They don't exist to each other. It wasn't any one reason that caused them to not like each other. They just never really got on. I get on great with my sister. My relationship with my brother is either great or really bad. It depends on how he's feeling. He could be my best friend, then he might stop talking to me for weeks. I remember as teenagers he wouldn't walk down the main street with me. I had to walk at least 3 steps behind him cos it embarrassed him to be seen with me

uoluol

There is a 4 and a half year age gap between me and my younger sister. We were sworn enemies until i hit my early twenties, we couldn't stand each other. Now, that we are mature and all grown up, I can honestly say she is my best friend. We still have occasional arguments, and don't always see eye to eye.

So.... give it time. People change. There is a good chance that this time next year you two will be best mates.

Hooly22

It's just the absolute s**t she's put me through, I honestly don't care anymore. She has absolutely no respect for anyone else. She's nice when she wants something, and then if we're out with relatives, she'll try to play the "big sister". Makes me sick!

She moved out for a year (she's back now) and I saw her like 3 or 4 times that year, and it didn't bother me in the slightest.

I know I sound like a right cow, but I'm just being honest.

deisemum

I've got 7 sisters and 1 brother and there isn't one of us that gets on with everyone. As there are so many of us there were usually 2 or 3 gangs at any one time.

I haven't bothered with some of my siblings since my dad died and I know there are a few I'll never have anything to do with again.

I had left home before my parents finished breeding and then lived abroad for years so didn't really grow up with some of them. I don't miss them, I've my own family and they're the focus of my life. My 2 boys are extremely close.

LegacyUser

I'm 21 and have a twin sister. My sister has never liked me. I've done nothing on her but be alive. I share a room with her at home but aside from that i keep out of her way. She extremely moody so i don't speak to her anymore. We haven't spoken in over a year and I won't speak to her again either. I stopped speaking to her because i was in bed one night, asleep, had the flu, and she dragged me out of bed by the hair and broke the brush over me, because i was snoring. Thats unforegivable. I wish i had a sister to get on with. To share things, to dress up, to go out together, to talk to, to gossip, etc.

Lurvely

black.tar thats horrible!

I get on grand with my siblings, although when myself and one of my sisters were teenagers we didnt really get on, it was just a phase though that lasted bout a year.

LegacyUser

like black.tar, i'm a twin and everyone presumes we are the best of friends but we are the complete opposites i can just about tolerate her when i see her. rarely say anything try to keep out of her way as much as possible.

maybe in time we can tolerate each other better i'm hoping, but for now, if i didn't see her for a while it wouldn't bother me

Elessar

I know not all siblings get along - it baffles me as to why people have more than one. A bit selfish sometimes I think.

Then again I'm an only child and I sometimes wish I had a younger brother I got on with.

LuckyCharms

I have two brothers, one older,one younger and i get on with both although my younger brother doesn't really get on with my older brother.
I think it has alot to do with the type of person you are and how you relate to ppl.

Me and my younger brother used play soccer alot together when we were growing up and sometimes although not much, something would happen in the game or at home and we would have a blazing row, really go at it but after a couple of minutes that would be it, maybe no speaking for a day or two then one morning it would be like it never happened and we would be chatting away again.

littlebug

No not everyone gets on with their siblings and it doesn't necessarily change as you get older. We're all around the 40 age mark now and only see each other once or twice a year. We do keep in occasional contact (text) but really the only thing we have in common is our parents. I do get along better with one than the other (as in we don't fall out) but none of us have ever gone out for a drink with each other other than the occasional family do. We are all so different that if we weren't sisters it is highly unlikely that we would be friends. Over the years as I (or maybe we) accepted that we didn't have to get on just because we are sisters and the pressure of it all eased a lot. Living in different countries helps too

eve

I have 3 brothers and a sister (all younger). There's about a 5 year gap between me and my sister and we never got on when we lived in the same house. We wound each other up over the smallest of things and my main problem with her at the time was that she kept going into my room and taking things. At one point in my late teens I used to say to people that I just had 3 brothers.

It took me moving out to calm down the situation. We got on perfectly fine now but we know we could never live under the same roof.

Hooly22

I just don't really repsect how she treats people to be honest.
I dunno, but it could be cause the three of them (my sister and my parents) fight ALOT, and I feel like they're always trying to get me on their side or something. I wish I could explain it better. I know i sound horrible, but at this point I don't even want to try fix things with her, and I don't trust her at all.. which is a weird thing to be saying about a sibling.

Orlee

Hooly22 wrote: »

I just wanted to ask, is there anyone out there who just doesn't get on with their siblings?

I'm 17, have an older sister(early20s) and we just don't get on. I always feel really resentful to her, and at times I just don't want to be around her. (I know this sounds really b****y, but it's hard to explain what she's done)

I always feel quite jealous when I see brothers and sisters together. Without sounding stupid, I'm in a way craving someone to be that protective over me.

I was exactly the same - I would feel very jealous and then felt awful for being jealous of them which made me feel even worse and then I'd get jealous again - viscious circle!!!!!

It's something I got over in time (mostly) but I understand how crappy it can feel - unfortunatley I don't have any useful advice, every situation is different, just work through it and try to stay neutral in fights - It's not fair of them to try and get you to pick sides

JemimaPD

I know exactly how u feel but in my case its the reverse. Im the eldest sister looking at my sister (10yrs younger than me) and she is doing or has nearly everything that i wished for when i was her age. the perfect hair, able to use makeup skinny figure and has millions of friends, my list is endless. There isnt a day that goes by where we start bickering. Remember one thing - NO ONE IS PERFECT. Everone has their faults but how we cope with these faults is entirely up to the ourselves/person themselves and the people around them. However the only bit of advice i can give u wud be to try and stay neutral in arguments between ur sis and parent. Thru bitter experience if a disagreement starts just walk out of the room/house then u cannot be accused of taking sides. If a argument or disagreement starts between urself and ur sis, Dont raise ur voice if ur sister is shouting at u speak normal (take ten deep breaths) and sooner rather than later she will realise that ur the more mature one and ur parents or whoever is around u will notice this as well. (Im getting there)

Iago

"You can't choose your family"

Never was a truer word spoken, your friends, your workplace, your partner all of these you choose. When it comes to family though you're lumped with your parents and whatever siblings you might have. It's only natural that in some cases there will be friction, granted a similar upbringing should reduce that friction but forced interaction with people will never work.

I haven't spoken to any of my family for the last 6 weeks, and while I normally keep in touch with my parents at least I could go months without speaking to any of my sisters. Even then it's only because I bump into them at my parents house. I haven't had any major falling out with them, they just aren't people I have any desire to spend time around.

Aglomerado

Like Iago I can go for weeks without talking to my brother - my only sibling, who is 4 years older. We have very little in common (completely different outlook on life) and only meet each other at our parents' house (we each have homes of our own and I live 60 miles away from parents and brother). I would never go to the pub with him and his girlfriend, even if they asked me!

I really do envy people who are close to their siblings. One of my friends - her only brother died suddenly two years ago and I would hate that to happen to mine in spite of everything.

LegacyUser

I'm 21, male, my sister is 17. Actually she's 18, but she just turned 18 and I'm about to turn 22. So in effect there are four years between us.

For a long time, we didn't get along at all. In different ways as time went on, from my resentment when she was born, animosity when we were young, generation gap when we were 12/16, distance as I grew up, distance as she grew up and general shyness around one another to talk about certain things. We've literally just come out of that series of phases in the last year or so.

Finally, we're friends - she's my best friend in reality - and though we've both made our mistakes over the years and we both have changed so much that we're only now settling on some element of compatibility, we did get there in the end. Now I'm an older brother and an equal, ready to protect her when she needs it but just be her friend the rest of the time.

OP, don't read too much into the fact that our ages are slightly different to you and your sister; people reach different stages at different points in her life. Like I said, when two people are changing the whole time it's very hard to find a the point where things click (imagine attempting to put two jigsaw pieces together if they were both rotating constantly. Although in truth I can't imagine any real-life scenario where that would actually happen...). I wasn't always a nice person or a very easy one to live with, and she often brought out the worst in me in a lifelong campaign to get me in trouble! Eventually that changed. No turning point, just a gradual transition into what was always the norm for us.

Either way, you've lived your lives in the same house together and you know one another intimately. Maybe you don't even realise that at times, and it will work against you as well as for you. But like so many other threads on here, the mere fact that you're posting indicates some element of concern about the issue. If you want to be friends, that will most likely happen. Perhaps there's a fundamental personality difference, or a real flaw on her part as you described. If that's the case, well, you have to make a decision regarding how highly you value shared blood before deciding to give up on trying to be friends.

If you do want it though, you'll be pleasantly surprised what a few drinks, a heart-to-heart and maybe a year or two can do.

Hooly22

Mmm, I just thing it's really annoying they way I don't trust her. And in all honesty - I don't. Anything I tell her, she'll use against me later.

In saying that, family is extremely important to me. I absolutely love being surrounded by family - just my immediate family in particular i feel have had a negative effect on me aswell. Without sounding like a drama queen, ALOT has happened in my family, stuff i'm extremely resentful toward them about. Oh i sound so bitter!

I have one cousin in particular whom I'd trust alot and tell alot to, but the problem is he doesn't live in Ireland, so he isnt there from a day to day basis.

He however, did try urge me to build a proper relationship with her (could see i was struggling with things etc etc etc) and all i felt was "its not something I want, and its not something i need"/

Makes me feel like a pretty crappy person tbh!

JemimaPD

Quote **He however, did try urge me to build a proper relationship with her (could see i was struggling with things etc etc etc) and all i felt was "its not something I want, and its not something i need"/**

Firstly - Ur not a crappy person. No one is perfect nor are they crappy.

If u felt it was not something u wanted to do then don't be presurised into doing it. it might make things worse. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things.

I personally used to bottle every little thing inside me until the "volcano" blew and i threw everything that the person did to me into their face (even from 10yrs ago). Its not nice being on the receiving end of that. Ive since taken the step back wereby i dont bottle things. Instead the boxing bag is usually the way i vent any anger. Its all well and good me telling u what is good for me wen it may not be an option for you. You just need to take the step whereby u find urself getting over some things that have happened and stuff u cant get over, try find a way to help u accept that this has happened and u've learnt from experience what to do next.

Good luck with this - I hope things work out for ya