Sex Addiction

LegacyUser

I have just found out that my boyfriend has a possible sex addiction as part of his depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. He has not cheated on me physically but has text flirtatious messages to other girls, been obsessed with dating sites and uses an excessive amount of online porn. He also has admitted that it creeps into his work from time to time and he has lots of fantasies about people he sees throughout the day. These encounters are impulsive and give him a 'high'. He craves the attention he recieves from other girls and then gets totally ashamed of himself and a 'low' period follows. When it gets to the point of actually cheating physically he retreats or makes excuses to get out of the situation. He is full of remorse and regret but unable to control it. I never knew any of this was going on. We have a good relationship but funnily enough he does not have a high sex drive. It's ok but I would like more. I know this is a side effect of the depression and now of the medication.

I'm trying to get my head around this as it's very hurtful, but I'm also trying to take a step back from it and look at it from an addicts point of view before making any rash decisions about our future together. He has gone for help recently for depression and this coming out has been the result so far. I don't want to throw away our long-term relationship but have to wonder how sucessful the rate of recovery is. I do not want infidelity in our relationship in the future. He was the least likely person I ever met to cheat, I can't believe this is happening. The last thing on earth I want is to be a fool. I must make the right decision.

Does anyone have any information on this? How is it treated? Maybe someone has been through it themselves? Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone being treated for a sex addiction? Will I be able to trust him in the future?

Any helpful reply would be welcome.

LegacyUser

has he sought any help for this?

>my boyfriend has a possible sex addiction as part of his depression and obsessive compulsive disorder.
He craves the attention he recieves from other girls and then gets totally ashamed of himself and a 'low' period follows.<

You're probably spot on there.

Marksie

sex addict wrote: »

Does anyone have any information on this? How is it treated? Maybe someone has been through it themselves?

http://www.csa-addictions.ie/

here is a resource for you both.
it may help you both with this.

sex addict wrote: »

Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone being treated for a sex addiction? Will I be able to trust him in the future?

My gut tells me you ahve better chace of staying in the relationship where you are getting it treated rather than unchecked.

I guess if he makes the committment then its a big plus. But of course he has to want to change.
If he does, then take each step as it comes

LegacyUser

Yes, he has sought out help for his depression and obsessive compulsive behaviour and is currently on a low dose of medication but I presume this will part of his condition is new to me, althoguh it's been going on for a long time. His current medication worked for a few months but he has been really low again lately and has another appointment soon where he will bring up these issues. Perhaps his depression is not straightforward and may be bi-polar disorder. I have looked at articles on the net and there seems to be a link between depression/obsessive compulsive/sex addiction. I was just wondering of anyone had experienced this or if there is a good chance of recovery. I love him so much and would like to support him through this but not at the expense of our relationship. I'm just wondering if it's possible, be's such a normal loving guy most of the time.

Marksie

TBH, you may get limited responses here, but the link is to a centre specialised in treating such a disorder. They will be able to give you a lot of advice and /or reassurance

LegacyUser

Thanks for your help

tbh

FWIW, it sounds like your boyfriend really wants to beat this, so at least that's him heading in the right direction.

MajorMax

I'm not being smart but I do exactly the same things as the OP's boyfriend I even leer at girls when my Girlfriend is with me, she knows that I never have or will cheat on her and we've been together for 16 years. She says she should be angry with me whenever I ask her does it bother her but she says I'm just a dirty old man and then laughs at me.

Cut the guy some slack

LegacyUser

There's no relationship between sexual addiction and OCD. See ocdireland.org for details of ocd & for support group info.

Victor

We can't give medical advice, but I think I think I might concur on the OCD point. While some of the behaviours might be obsessive, is there a chance that he is using his condition as an excuse for other behaviour.

A suggestion, but you would have to go about it diplomaticly, but ask him to educate you on his problems. Might it be useful for you to meet his counsellor / doctor?

fred funk }{

He sounds like most blokes I know. Im not joking either.

LegacyUser

I went out with a guy like that for over too years and even lived with him for a while. I always wondered how much of it was his bi-polar and how much of it was him just being a pig.

Hed point out women on the street to me, watch porn on v at night with the sound off so I wouldn't hear(only discovered that later!) and once asked for a girls phone number IN FRONT OF ME! When we argud about it later he said he was just being frendly.

Same as your boyf, he didnt want to have sex all that much. It gradually got worse and worse and he eventualy started losing the plot..screaming at me and once he even hit me. That was when I gave him the boot. I know he had his problem's but people do have a lot of control over there actions so I wudnt excuse it. That kind of behavior only leads to misery.

seahorse

pooky wrote: »

I know he had his problem's but people do have a lot of control over there actions so I wudnt excuse it. That kind of behavior only leads to misery.

I would be inclined to agree with this. And no, I wouldn't agree that it's normal or acceptable behaviour in a relationship either. Sorry to be harsh OP, but if I had this to deal with I'd very promptly give my bloke the boot.

Rosita

I would not necessarily say that the OP's boyfriend has a low sex drive simply because he doesn't want to have sex all that often. If he looks at a lot of on-line porn then he is probably masturbating frequently and keeping down his sex drive in that way.