slump

Frelance

Hey,

i'v been feeling really down recently, things just don;t really seem to be going my way. It all started after i finished with my girlfriend. She was the first girl i had proper feelings for and i even lost my virginity with her. Things were getting a bit too intense and even though i really loved her though and it was obvious that things for me were just not working. this led to me calling it off.
I can find it hard to express my feelings sometimes and after we finished all i wanted was to be with her again. she obviously still felt something for me and because i felt neither of us would move on we both cut out the amount of contact we used to have.

In between this she got a new boyfriend and seems to be doing well. Meanwhile im still stuck with these feelings. I just can't help but feel i'v lost the only girl that really understood me. I crave intimacy but even though there has been other girls since i never went as far as sex with them.

That is until two days ago when i went back to a girl iv known for years house. To cut it short i just couldnt do it. It just seems no matter what i do i cant shake this.

anyways this has been plaguing me for months now and as time goes by i just get more depressed. been drinking myself into oblivion every weekend and having problems sleeping now.

Im stuck in a hole and i cant get out.

how do i fix this? i just want to be happy again.

allybhoy

Hmmm....
First thing, drinking till all hours isnt going 2 help, it will just make things worse, and turn off that radiohead album aswell. I dont mean to sound cruel but your ex has clearly moved on and so should you. The fact is you called it with her, and its only that your not with her anymore and probably cant have her that is making you want her more. If you got back with her,you would still have the same problems that made you call it with her in the first place, so if its not meant to be its not meant to be.

Dont worry about the whole playing snooker with a rope thing. You were just used to and comfortable having sex with your ex and you probably felt a bit wierd with this other girl. The more time you spend with this girl (or any other girl) the more comfortable you will be and then things will just come natural. (sorry for the pun) Cheer up bud, and as a wise man once said, the best way to get over a girl, is to get under another one!

Frelance

i know she has moved on,

im trying to, Im out all the time i meet girls, i just cant seem to find anyone i want to be serious with.

the other girl is a one off thing, it was a mistake really.

Oryx

Frelance wrote: »

i know she has moved on,

im trying to, Im out all the time i meet girls, i just cant seem to find anyone i want to be serious with.

It doesnt sound like youre ready to be serious with anyone yet. Youre still not over your original gf. It sounds strange, but go celibate for a while, see girls, yeah, but get your mind away from finding 'the one' for now.

You havent lost the only girl who will ever understand you. Sure, she was great, but she wasnt unique. There are others out there who will get you as well, if not better. Youll find a new woman when you are ready to.

You may be stuck in a hole, but only you can get out of it. Focus on the stuff you can tackle for now, such as a change of routine to get you out of your booze up weekends. Find stuff to occupy your time, to try and stop you brooding, or drinking. I dont know what youre into, but Im sure you have something you can do. And I know you dont feel like it, but youve got to fake it till you make it. You will feel happy in time.

Frelance

thanks, i think il take your advice and stop looking for a relationship for a bit.

i dont really have much time for hobbies atm.
im doing work experience for a design company and get no pay so i have a second job to finance my lifestyle. It doesnt really leave me with much free time.
I drink to help relax at the weekend, i dont know what to do about the sleeping though.
i havent slept before 2am in about 3 years, and i just keep getting later and later

Oryx

Frelance wrote: »

thanks, i think il take your advice and stop looking for a relationship for a bit.

i dont really have much time for hobbies atm.
im doing work experience for a design company and get no pay so i have a second job to finance my lifestyle. It doesnt really leave me with much free time.
I drink to help relax at the weekend, i dont know what to do about the sleeping though.
i havent slept before 2am in about 3 years, and i just keep getting later and later

I dont know, but the sleeping thing could be part stress, part habit. Your body has to be used to that clock by now, so its no use going to bed at 10pm and trying to sleep. To change the pattern youd have to do it gradually. Getting up earlier, (not sleeping in to catch up) will help.

RedXIV

Frelance wrote: »

I drink to help relax at the weekend, i dont know what to do about the sleeping though.

Using drink to help you relax only really works if you reckon you're enjoying it. for example, i would go out for drinks at the weekend if i was gonna meet mates and get up to mischief. Not to unwind. If i wanted to completely forget about all my worries etc, i'd go training or work out.

i agree with the above advice of forgetting the dating scene for a while. have fun for a while, catch up on old friends, do some stuff you have been meaning to do. and it always ends up when you're not looking, the girl of your dreams lands in front of ya

missingyou

It seems to me you got out of this relationship before it was ready to end really, and you never got closure from it. Take a while to think clearly... and dont wear rose tinted glasses. Was it the security you loved most? Or was it her? Not everything was erfect and make sure you see that!

If you still love her, and feel you need tot be over her, GET CLOSURE! go to her house, with flowers and ask her can you talk. dont intimidate her or pressurise her into anything but tell her how you feel. I know this sounds hard but honestly the worst thing she can say is she doesnt love you anymore and at least you wil be certain of it and be able to grieve and move on....

I hope everything works out for you

Frelance

missingyou wrote: »

It seems to me you got out of this relationship before it was ready to end really, and you never got closure from it. Take a while to think clearly... and dont wear rose tinted glasses. Was it the security you loved most? Or was it her? Not everything was erfect and make sure you see that!

If you still love her, and feel you need tot be over her, GET CLOSURE! go to her house, with flowers and ask her can you talk. dont intimidate her or pressurise her into anything but tell her how you feel. I know this sounds hard but honestly the worst thing she can say is she doesnt love you anymore and at least you wil be certain of it and be able to grieve and move on....

I hope everything works out for you

theres abit more to this.
We were close before and throughout her getting a new boyfriend. Unfortunately one nite when i met her out in belfast and we were both a bit drunk we slept together. I never intended it but drink in wits out.
anyways since then i'v kept my distance, she seems to have a good thing going on with her boyfriend and i dont want to ruin that.
she seemed to regret it the morning after so i think its clear were done.

To top it off my mum became very friendly with her sister before the breakup.
now i keep gettting calls to pick her up and bring her to our house.:mad:

I think it was the security really. she was clingy as hell which annoyed me to no end but then after the texts stopped i kinda missed it.
whats done is done i suppose