Fear of Success

Wurly

Hi all,

Does anyone suffer from this? I am a talented singer and writer and all my life, I have dreamt of pursuing this.

I have pretty good ideas (which I have bounced off contacts in the industry) that I know will earn me a good living but I am paralysed by fear.

Its not a fear of failure but a fear of success. I cant even describe it. I feel like everytime I come close to achieving something big, I end up sabotaging it for myself by not committing to it fully or letting the opportunity pass me by. Its like I dont have the motivation but I actually really want it.

Does anyone out there feel this way and if so, do you have any advice for me? I want to have the life of my dreams but I am so afraid to take the leap.

Im reading a book on fear at the moment which is helping somewhat but another problem of mine is that im extremely impatient and so im getting a little frustrated with myself that I havent 'fixed' this problem yet.

I'm sorry if my post is hard to understand. Im actually confusing myself and cant really explain it any better. Aaaagggh. I just dont know what's wrong with me. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks all.xx

AARRRGH

Are you sure it's a fear of success?

It sounds like a fear of failure, a fear that you aren't good enough to be successful.

Loads of people suffer from this (low self esteem) and I'd nearly go as far as saying it's normal.

We all have a winner within us, but hardly any of us go for it. We'd rather just do what everyone else is doing and blend in.

Maybe try thinking of it like this:

When you're an old woman, lying in bed, reflecting on your life, will you be happy or sad you didn't take a chance and risk success/failure?

There is nothing more sad than having a life of regrets. Don't be looking back on your life hating yourself for being so afraid!

Honestly, worst case scenario it doesn't work out and you end up exactly where you are right now.

Wurly

I know Dublindude, that is seriously the scariest thought ever - being that old woman. Im always saying that to people. I dont think I could handle that happening to me.

Its just when a good opportunity comes along, I panic and let the opportunity pass me by. Ive even been struck down with sore throats etc before auditions. Not a coincidence by any means I wouldnt say, more self sabotaging.

How in the name of f*ck do I get over this and take the leap. its getting on my t*ts at this stage. I dont want a mediocre life. I was given these talents for a reason - why cant I utilise them???

I really dont think its a fear of failure. Ive failed a fair bit in the past and am a strong person and so get over it. I just become scared at the thought of getting all that I want and not knowing what to do once it arrives.

Prob doesnt make any sense, sorry. My head is totally melted.:(

I just cant seem to get motivated to carve out my dream life. How pathetic does that sound. lol

Routledge

Sounds like fear of failure to me too. Its a curse, its held me to ransom since I was a kid. I'll nearly certainly being looking back on my life with regret when Im the ripe age of seventy. Certainly 25 yrs on, its a guilty feeling.

And why am I posting this on a forum, I hav no idea, cuz it will make sweet fa of a difference

Oh, and sorry for this hijack!

AARRRGH

I can relate somewhat.

I have all these job websites, and I know if I chose to monatise them and become a recruitment agency, I would be a millionaire within a few years. There is something stopping me doing that though. I don't know. I think I feel it's safe running them as a hobby, and that maybe if I became a business I would be exposed or something. I'm not sure!

So I do know what you mean.

I think the difference between you and me though is that I'm not bothered by my situation (too busy with work/college/etc.) whereas clearly it's affecting you.

Would there be any financial commitment by giving it a shot?

bronte

Can TOTALLY relate! Sometimes , as much as I want to do well acting wise, I'm almost afraid of all my dreams coming true.
Just in case I may actually get everything I want :rolleyes:
I don't get it! Sometimes I think we get so comfortable with NOT getting things that we want, that it's safer to stay that way, y'know?
Personally I think it boils down to a fear of the unknown.
Hoping to rid myself of this particular 'personality quirk' of mine asap!
Hope you do too, you're not alone!!

Wurly

K - Just read the next chapter of me fear buke and ive cracked it.

I dont think im worth it. Whoever posted that was right but the way yer one explained it totally rang true to me. Esteem issues all over the camp stemming from past.

Titty McBum Crack anyway - that's even f*ckin scarier than the initial fear. LOL.

Am gonna keep going til I sort this out and then have a bleedin deadly life altogether!

Thanks everyone.x

bronte

Please for the love of god tell me what that book is!
I gotta read it!

Wurly

Ha ha, I hear ya sister.

Its called 'Free yourself from fear' by Lucy Atcheson. Published by the good people at Hay House. I got it in the bookshop on Grafton St. Cant remember the name of it.

Let me know if you get it and find it any good. Then we can discuss our super cool sexy new rockin lives!! lol

F*ck fear anyway. Get outta my life u bastard.

leninbenjamin

your not alone in having a fear of failure, although I've yet to find a solution to it. in some ways it's necessary, it's what drives us on to be as good as we can be at whatever we do, but sometimes, for whatever this fear comes to the fore too much. it's often been said, that if you want to make something of yourself you've got to be prepared to lose it all. I don't think there's any easy solution for this, you'd be surprised at the number of stories I've heard of people who on the surface are successes, but still have sleepless nights. you just gotta plough through it I guess... overcome the resistance.

edit: good book worth reading: The War of Art despite the art title, this can apply to almost every endeavour. It's basically written by a guy who had exactly the same problems as ourselves.

Wurly

Oh brill - thanks for the tip.xx

bronte

Tri wrote: »

Ha ha, I hear ya sister.

Its called 'Free yourself from fear' by Lucy Atcheson. Published by the good people at Hay House. I got it in the bookshop on Grafton St. Cant remember the name of it.

Let me know if you get it and find it any good. Then we can discuss our super cool sexy new rockin lives!! lol

F*ck fear anyway. Get outta my life u bastard.

leninbenjamin wrote: »

your not alone in having a fear of failure, although I've yet to find a solution to it. in some ways it's necessary, it's what drives us on to be as good as we can be at whatever we do, but sometimes, for whatever this fear comes to the fore too much. it's often been said, that if you want to make something of yourself you've got to be prepared to lose it all. I don't think there's any easy solution for this, you'd be surprised at the number of stories I've heard of people who on the surface are successes, but still have sleepless nights. you just gotta plough through it I guess... overcome the resistance.

edit: good book worth reading: The War of Art despite the art title, this can apply to almost every endeavour. It's basically written by a guy who had exactly the same problems as ourselves.

Cheers guys!
I'm so glad you posted op!
Ready to get rid of this crap!!
Will let yis know if they work for me
And yeah, a bit of fear and nerves sharpens the mind , and can be a good thing.
If I was not nervous before I went on stage I'd be worried!

Break a leg!

Oceana2u

This is what Nelson Mandela has to say about our fear of success. I really like it. Hope you like it.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Best of luck in your big adventure,

Oceana

bronte

That was great! Gonna copy that to the computer and read it whenever I need to remember it.