serious marriage trouble

Cooch

I never thought I would be resorting to this, but I want to leave my husband, and I have no idea what to do. He has progressed from being verbally abusive to physically abusive , and as our oldest child has witnessed this, I feel that it is not a healthy environemnt for a child.
I have been left with bruises, and have been told that i am a nobody on a continual basis, I am never ever given any positives, and I am a student with no income, and therefore have no money, I have asked my husband to leave as I am now afraid for my safety due to the physical attacks, but he refuses to leave "his" house, and he keeps telling me to go , as I am a useless mother and that I wont be missed.
I know that I cannot go on like this, as it is causing me to be very depressed, so I dont know what to do. I am from a middle class background, with a good education, and would have never thought that I would have tolerated this for as Long as I have. He is a good father in many respects , but his treatment of me is casing me severe depression, I am too young for this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

biko

I would suggest visiting http://www.womensaid.ie/
If your husband has crossed the line to open violence I say leave him now and don't look back. He will not stop imo.
Good luck!

vincenzo1975

He is not a good father. he is a bully.

You cannot tolerate this, or enable him. your children will learn that this is how to treat people. Do not be fooled that they are in the dark, all children know what is going on, you must be strong for them.

Do you have family you can seek help from? Take yourself and your children from this dangerous setting.

Contact the Guards, look for some legal advice, and look for help from a support group.

I hope you can get out of this situation, he sounds like a bastard.

http://www.nnwrss.ie/getting_help.htm#

Weidii

If he's physically abusive get away from him as quickly as possible, and get your child away from him too. Your child should not witness someone telling you you are a "nobody" and being verbally abusive, let alone being physically abusive.

Good luck with it.

estar

take photoes of your bruises for a start

do you have any male relatives? or threatening female
ones? tell them. NOW. get them around to have a chat with him.
the more people that know what you are going through the better.
then start divorce proceedings if he isnt willing to enter therapy
immediately for anger management and if you feel the marraige is over.

get legal advice before you leave the house.

thats my advice.

life is too short to stay in an abusive marraige. you can always postpone
being a student and work for a year or two if you really need to.

estar

when i say chat, i mean, have them around to ask
him whats going on. make sure they dont threaten him
in any way, as that will only help him. just make sure
he knows that you will be phoning them the minute something
else kicks off.

if he gets nasty after that, then phone the guards and
call in a domestic dispute.

LegacyUser

I too am in a similar situation and after many years of similar behaviour it has turned to violence. I do think I may be able to nip it in the bud though. We have talked and he has agreed to committ to anger managment. I am prepared to help him through this and hopefully it will enable us to start again. I do not take abusive behaviour lightly but i do think every one deserves a chance. I really hope things work out for you Cooch, and I do not have to take the same route because I am strong enough to do it if I have to.

I wish you all the best and stay strong for your children. Take care.

Cooch

its not an easy situation to be in frankly I am just so down in myself that all of my confidence is gone, As regards family , I have had tentative talks with them, but feel as If I am only getting lip service, I'm a wreck, and I am now at the point where I cannot see anyway out. I do not have anywhere to go either.

vincenzo1975

There are over forty domestic violence refuges and support services in Ireland for women and their children. To find your nearest refuge or support service click here. Alternatively contact your local Garda station or phone the Women’s Aid Helpline on 1800 341900.

got this info from a webite linked above, call it now.

It all seems so hard now, but once you atart to put the wheels in motion, things will start to work out.

If he touches you again, or even now, call the guards and have him arrested, it will give you time and space to sort out a way out. The guards will also give advice.

Miss Fluff

Do you have family you can go and stay with OP?

allybhoy

OP I cant even imagine what you are going through, I understand what reggiebabe says that every1 deserves a 2nd chance but your OH sounds like he has turned into a nasty piece of work and is dergrading you at every turn. He clearly has no respect for you and IMO you should get out now,doesnt matter where, just leave. Open up to a friend or a relative that you may be hessitant (maybe even ashamed) about telling and seek their help. This is not your fault atall and ATM you need help and friendship. After that, seek the help of the aforementioned services but just get out first before it gets any worse. Hope it all works out, and chin up....

cathy01

You can and should go to the Garda, ask about a protection order.But I also think, get rid of him out of the house.Ring the number above.

DeVore

If he's physically abusive, get out now.

Whatever happens in the future between you two, right now you need to be out of his reach and perhaps it will shock him into some form of therapy. Down the line you can see where things are and if there is anything to be salvaged from the relationship but right now you need to be out of that situation and there are plenty of people who will help.

DeV.

dudara

As mother of a child, you are more 'entitled' to the family home than he is. Seek some legal advice, or visit the Gardai.

Good luck

Beruthiel

Cooch wrote: »

I never thought I would be resorting to this, but I want to leave my husband, and I have no idea what to do. He has progressed from being verbally abusive to physically abusive , and as our oldest child has witnessed this, I feel that it is not a healthy environemnt for a child.
I have been left with bruises, and have been told that i am a nobody on a continual basis, I am never ever given any positives, and I am a student with no income, and therefore have no money, I have asked my husband to leave as I am now afraid for my safety due to the physical attacks, but he refuses to leave "his" house, and he keeps telling me to go , as I am a useless mother and that I wont be missed.

Get yourself and your children out now before you no longer have the strength and courage to do so.
Seek help where ever you can get it.
There are some links in the Charter which you may find useful.
Best of luck.

FingersCrossed

If I was you, I would get a barring order against him asap, also if it doesn't put you in danger, don't leave the house as it can be hard to get it back.

The organisations above will really help you. Just make the call, they've heard all before, and alot worse. Remember your confidence is at an all time low, so everything will seem impossible. One phone call is all it takes, then you'll be on your way out and won't feel so alone.

Good luck

vincenzo1975

hope things have worked out for you Cooch....

Memnoch

I agree with everyone here that you should not continue this relationship. However, sometimes, when people love someone they stay and try to work things out, and it's not for us to tell you what to do.

Which means you need to decide whether you feel the relationship is worth maintaining because you think you can bring a positive resolution out of it.

If you do decide to leave him however then take him to the cleaners. If you are married and he has been violent then he is basically up a creek with nowhere to go. It might seem like he has the power but that's only as long as you LET him have that power.

What you need to do?

As has been mentioned

1) Take pictures.
2) Get the guards + a lawyer.

I'm not a lawyer, but the law in this country is heavily weighted towards woman for exactly THIS sort of situation. It's not entirely inconcievable that he could end up SERIOUSLY regretting his actions, as he should.

An escalation will however result in long term bi-lateral bitterness, but there might not be another way now for you anyway.

Best of luck and know that you are not as powerless as he is trying to make you feel.