Why are some people like this?

whatsgoinon

Met what I thought was a nice guy last week, ringing each other and texting, all good. He came up to where I live for the weekend with his work. Told me he would be working late Friday and Saturday, but that we would meet up on sunday for dinner. He kept going on about he was really looking forward to seeing me, blah blah. So I was really looking forward to it. I texted him and rang him at 11.30 last night, no reply. Ok fair enough maybe he changed his mind, was it so hard to let me know that? or maybe his phone died, in that case though, wouldn't he have noticed and maybe written my number down somewhere else?

So I'm sitting in bed pondering what happened, when my sister texts me. She broke up with her fella at the weekend, no biggie, she felt like there was no future with him, different agendas, so rang him and told him. They were only seeing each other a few weeks. Now she's getting texts off his friends saying that she's a slag, only out for one thing, and that they hope the next fella she's with beats the crap out of her!! I'm absolutely livid over this and told her to report the texts to the guards as harassment.

I don't really know what my question is, basically I guess, what is wrong with being honest with someone, and also why is it so hard to handle a breakup in a mature way (this guy is in his late 20s).

i just don't know.
Rant over
Thanks

AARRRGH

We only have your side of the story, so it's hard to comment.

Regarding your situation: the guy probably met someone else or an ex girlfriend is back on the scene, or something like that.

You don't know the guy so best to just forget about him and get on with your life.

Regarding your sister: those texts from his friends are fairly extreme. Either they're complete morons or your sister is a psycho and hasn't told you the whole story. Hopefully the former.

dudara

I can't really comment on what happened with you and the fella. We really don't know all sides of the story there.

As for your sister, get her to go straight to the Gardai and show them those texts. That kind of behaviour (even if in drunken jest by those guys) is just not acceptable.

whatsgoinon

Yeah, it is possible someone else landed on the scene or whatever, that doesn't bother me as much as the lack of communication and leaving me sitting like a lemon on a sunday evening, having cancelled other plans, more fool me.

As regards my sister, she is not at all a psycho, not even close, and I'm not just saying that. She is a lot more sensitive than me and I know these texts will really shake her.

I suppose it is hard to know without the other side of the story, guess it will be one of lifes unsolved mysteries.

Thanks for feedback

metaoblivia

Yeah, it's really frustrating when someone makes plans, even if just casually, only to leave you sitting there wondering where they went off to. It's happened to me - and probably everyone - a few times. The only silver lining to come out of it for me, was that it would make me aware of doing that same thing to other people. So if I had made plans or alluded to going out, and then changed my mind or couldn't, I would always call, even if it meant an awkward conversation. Better to be honest and straightforward than to ignore a situation.

As for your sister, sounds like an overreaction on the part of her ex and his friends. In most cases it will die down, but she may want to report it just in case it evolves into something more serious.

axer

whatsgoinon wrote: »

Yeah, it is possible someone else landed on the scene or whatever, that doesn't bother me as much as the lack of communication and leaving me sitting like a lemon on a sunday evening, having cancelled other plans, more fool me.

As regards my sister, she is not at all a psycho, not even close, and I'm not just saying that. She is a lot more sensitive than me and I know these texts will really shake her.

I suppose it is hard to know without the other side of the story, guess it will be one of lifes unsolved mysteries.

Thanks for feedback

TBH I think you are not being fair here with your title "Why are guys like this?". This has nothing to go with being male or female. People can be a$$holes no matter what gender they are.

I wouldn't worry about the guy that stood you up and it was not foolish to cancel other plans as how were you to know. Who knows, maybe there was a good reason outside of his control why the guy couldn't contact you. If you don't hear from him in the next day or two then fúck it - life's too short to worry about it - just move on. Just make sure you don't let it affect you the next time you arrange a date by being overly cautious because of this.

As regards your sister. A$$holes exist in all shapes and forms and in every walk of life. If it continues then she should without a doubt report them to the gardai.

King of Kings

your sis's ex and his mate sound like dicks. she should go to the gardai and see how brave they are when plod comes knocking at their door.

back to your situation:
I was with my ex wife from the ages of 23 - 28, after we split i stated dating a few girls and I've found that it's the done thing these days just to ignore the texts and calls of a person rather than just being honest. I certainly would have had the decency to text or ring and say "sorry just not interested anymore"
It was an eye opener but the folks I work with told me it was norm.
shows you what 5 years out of the loop does

In fact I'd been seeing 1 girl for 6 weeks and suddenly the texts and calls weren't answered anymore.

I guess it's just the way with some people, not everybody has manners.
I wouldn't see it as a reflection on you

whatsgoinon

I have edited the thread title as it was a little harsh, apologies.

I guess it goes both ways. I just don't see what the big deal is in picking up the phone/letting someone know that plans have been changed, feelings have changed or whatever. It's a tough thing to do, but it's also the decent thing to do. I would have much more respect for a person that does that instead of ignoring someone. The fact that I was talking to said lad on saturday and getting texts off him late saturday night and then he disappears off the planet. I just find it hard to comprehend.

Anyway I am over him, I am just annoyed I guess. I know there are people out there with way more serious issues and here's me moaning about getting stood up.

As for my sister, she doesn't want any hassle so she is ignoring the texts, I told her to save them just in case she needs them in the future.

So yeah, just going to suck it up and get on with things.
Thanks for all the replies

Nevyn

Cos some people are arsehóles, some on purpose cos they just don't care or only care about themselves or cos they have not grown up enough to take responsiblity for their actions and reactions and they impact on others.

Wurly

OP, some people unfortunately do not have the courtesy or the balls to explain themselves. Instead, they just leave you hanging and wondering what the hell is going on.

Same thing happened to me recently.

My advice? Whatever the issue, its not your issue. Leave him to it. If he didnt have the courtesy to cancel the plans or get in touch, do you really want someone like that in your life. There is no point speculating what may or may not have happened. If he really liked you, he would have contacted you. Sorry OP.

Forget him, go out with your mates and bag yourself another man.

As for your sister and her ex - him and his friends are a pack of total dicks. Jesus, what mental age are they! Other posters were right when they said to get the Gardai involved.

Good luck.x

AARRRGH

I'm just throwing this out here... not saying this is you OP.

A female friend of mine has been in your situation a few times. The thing is, she scares men off. She's totally unaware she does this, and always blames the men. In reality she's desperate and a bit unstable. She's totally oblivious of this.

If what happened to you this weekend has occured a few times, I'd consider all angles before going the "men are bastards" route.

Again, I'm not saying this is you, but think about it, just in case.

Lux23

A female friend of mine has been in your situation a few times. The thing is, she scares men off. She's totally unaware she does this, and always blames the men. In reality she's desperate and a bit unstable. She's totally oblivious of this.


Have you ever told her this? If a friend of mine was suffering like this I think I would try my best to tell them what the problem is. Chances are she knows what she is doing wrong but really needs someone to help her confront it.

Personally I think people who can't be bothered to text and tell you the truth are cowards, they are afraid of a getting an ear bashing so they simply ignore you till you go away. Its a really vile character trait and your better off avoiding creatures like that.

Wurly

dublindude wrote: »

I'm just throwing this out here... not saying this is you OP.

A female friend of mine has been in your situation a few times. The thing is, she scares men off. She's totally unaware she does this, and always blames the men. In reality she's desperate and a bit unstable. She's totally oblivious of this.

If what happened to you this weekend has occured a few times, I'd consider all angles before going the "men are bastards" route.

Again, I'm not saying this is you, but think about it, just in case.

Hey Dublindude, very interesting point indeed. Can you elaborate on your friend's behaviour? We may all learn something here. Thanks.

seaner

i'll tell you why...its the digital age we're in!!

Its so easy to be an a-hole!! The whole idea of texting means that you don't really have to get involved...cuz if you don't want to continue you just ignore the texts! Its crazy but its the way its gone. Whereas if you met this guy in the street after he had ignored you i'd bet he'd be mortified.
People don't have to deal with real emotions cuz the only relationship they're building while texting is the one with their phone!

People think its acceptable to be a-holes now cuz its such a cold medium in the first place...you never really have to allow yourself to be 'involved'.

Anyway i'm probably tlking bull, but my 2 cents nonetheless!

AARRRGH

Lux23 wrote: »

Have you ever told her this?

I've tried. She doesn't want to know...

Lux23 wrote: »

Personally I think people who can't be bothered to text and tell you the truth are cowards

I agree.

whatsgoinon

I'm far from desperate or unstable. I really enjoy being single, I just thought I'd try see if I was missing anything, I'm not. Not saying all men are bastards,I was just hoping somebody would be able to provide some insight into this. Do people have a little game they play, where they get points for making somebody feel like a muppet. This has never happened me before, which is why I'm so thrown by it. In all honesty, it will take me a while to believe what people are saying, or to trust somebody.

Wurly

whatsgoinon wrote: »

I'm far from desperate or unstable. I really enjoy being single, I just thought I'd try see if I was missing anything, I'm not. Not saying all men are bastards,I was just hoping somebody would be able to provide some insight into this. Do people have a little game they play, where they get points for making somebody feel like a muppet. This has never happened me before, which is why I'm so thrown by it. In all honesty, it will take me a while to believe what people are saying, or to trust somebody.

That's what i saying to you though OP - dont waste your feckin time. Its THEIR issue, NOT YOURS! You could speculate til the cows come home and in reality be wide of the mark.

I speculated like billio when it happened to me a month or so ago. Is it any clearer to me now? No Did I find out the reason? No Will I ever find out? Probably not.

The only thing that is clear is that I am better off without a person in my life like him. Its plain rude to ignore someone and just proves what a coward they really are.

Seriously, do yourself a favour and go out with your mates and forget all about this guy. Nothing to be gained here at all. Sorry for your experience but dont let this cloud your judgement for the future. Not everyone is like this. xx