Sex..How often?

LegacyUser

Hi
Myself and my wife are married 3 years. we are both in our early 30s.Thing is we only seem to have sex roughly once a month,is this normal for young married couple? My wife seems to think it is,but i dont,and as normal if i try to talk about it it usually decends into a row,with me being accused of try to bully her.

Victor

Is this a problem for you?

Everyone is different.

aoife000

Think there's a thread with the exact same topic in the Ladies Lounge...

Mr. Presentable

Woody Allen:

Girl: We have sex constantly - three time a week!

Boy: We rarely have sex, maybe three times a week!

Listen to the Mod. People and couples differ. Not enough? Talk to your partner.

Too much? Talk to your partner.

aoife123

Everyone is different, but once a month is not a lot me my opinion.

Chinafoot

I wouldn't class once a month as enough tbh, and I'd have what most people consider to be a low sex drive.

Has it always been this way or has it happened over the past few months? Is she stressed about anything? Has she put on any weight or gone through any changes that would perhaps have lowered her esteem and perhaps made her feel unattractive?

Try to talk to her again and explain, as calmly as possible, that sex is important to the relationship and you also want to make sure she is ok.

cowzerp

once a month is sad if you's are in a healthy loving relationship, every day ideally but less than 3 times a week and i think something is lacking .

sharkie2008

i don't really think there is a 'normal' amount of sex to be having, however once a month does not seem enough

decies

A friend of mine married two years 40 odd told me he was having sex once a month or so!!!!I was shocked to be honest but there you go i would think 2 to 3 times a week is normal maybe not??????

Kell

bobsutherland wrote: »

if i try to talk about it it usually decends into a row,with me being accused of try to bully her.

Alarm bells. Was this always the case i.e having sex that little and, for observation purposes, how long were you together before getting wed?

If you cant have a chat about something as integral as sex without having an argument, there is something seriously wrong. If this was always the case before you got married, you married the wrong girl for you dude.

K-

[Jackass]

Has her sex drive decreased since you got married?

If it was always like this then it's a bit late in the day to start moaning about it, I mean isn't sexual compatability one of the main things considered when in a relationship? (for guys anyway... ) If your needs weren't being met before then you need to have a serious chat about it, but I can see where she is coming from if it was always like this and you're only addressing it now. In that case I'd suggest take a cold shower.

If it's a recent thing, maybe you're coming on too strong, being too available. As much as it kills, don't even mention sex for a month and wait for her to come to you. And when she does really put in the effort, as in not just 15 minute roll around in the sack, but take your time and make it all about her.

At least that way you can re-ignite her passion without having to "talk" about it which can just put pressure on her when in the moment and possibly even distract her or turn her off the idea all together.

One of those situations where actions speak louder than words, you know? But that's my 2 cents, back off, don't be touchy feely or all over her or hassling her and leave it a while until she comes looking for it. Then make it the best she's gotten for years.

If that doesn't work, a softly softly approach might. In conversation, mention something she does or did before that you really liked or really turned you on and then ask her what she enjoys most about sex or what she would like...in a fun, relaxed conversation, maybe over a drink so it's not like an interview. Just talking about it may turn her on then hopefully you can do it later.

AGAIN, if there's no joy then I would suggest just being straight up with her and saying you've been thinking lately that sex has become more rare between you and you would love to take her out on a "date" and have fun like when you first got together going out and want to spice things up for both of you because it makes you feel so close to her and is so important to the relationship being intimate and you want to explore her desires with yours because you love her and want that closeness...I mean she'd have to be made of stone not to acknowledge all the effort you've been putting in and not to give it a shot...

If she's still not coming around I don't know what to tell you buddy, she may have just lost her sex drive for some reason, and I'd bet it's nothing to do with you but maybe she feels down about marraige being so final or that the spice of her life is gone because of marraige, not that she doesn't want to be but just because it's now "this" for the rest of her life...It could just be a psychological thing, I don't know I've never been married nor any of my mates, but I'm sure some people take it differently, but at that stage I think we're talking relationship conunciling to try and help her and make her feel the passion again.

Anyway, hope that helps and best of luck!

cjmcork

doesn't it depend on if there's kids, etc.....is it that you're both wrecked from work - also, the pill can have an effect on her libido.......

KlodaX

when I saw "Sex..How often?" and last poster [Jackass] I really was expecting something different from Jackass's reply! *sorry Jackass .. its the name *

I think Jackass has a point ... let her come to you.

so many questions though .. kids? was she like this before?
I agree that everyone has different sex drives and one pushing another into sex .. or making them feel bad for not having it is a real turn off

but once a month .. that seems like there is something wrong. You really need to talk to her.

Mulan

The big questions here are
A (Is the sex good or bad, or good for you bad for her??)

B (Is there any other form of sexual contact etc. in the month.)

C (Do ye talk about sex in all aspects.)

to be honest if the answer to A is good for you bad for here then work on C and then do plenty of B to keep things healthy.

Good luck

Dudess

I agree that sex once a month is very little. I'd normally say "just do whatever's best for you" but in this case I think there's something amiss. Is there any other stuff you feel might have to be addressed?

Pythia

Does she enjoy it the times that you do it? Personally, I think once a month is very infrequent. Generally at least a few times a week.

meglome

Life can often get in the way of having a lot of sex. Work pressure, kids, whatever it happens to be. But as others have said once a month is not great at all. The only questions is why?

LegacyUser

well Ive gone unreg for this as I don't want the missus catching me talking about our sex life!
BUT I can honestly say we do it at least 2times EVERYDAY! sometimes 3!

If sex ain't there I don't think it'd be half as much fun! you feel as one when you have sex its so healthy! try and talk to her about fantasies she's had or you've had! maybe that'll work!

Overheal

Ask a virgin how much a lot is for example

Well if youre going to have sex once a month, make it sex that will do you for a month. Go to town with it. Take some real time out for it. Make an ocassion of it, etc. at the very least you don't run the risk of just going through the motions.

Marksie

How is the intimacy between you two?

and i dont mean the expectation that a kiss and cuddle leads to sex?

Define what YOU mean by sex?

How do you approach broaching the question?.... it does concern me that the word bullying is used.

define your expectations and your wifes expectations.

When you do have sex, is it "good" for want of a better qadjective..is she present with you..are you present with her?
Or is she off in her own little world waiting for you to finish and vice versa

We have very little to go on here so there could be a myriad of reasons why things have reached this stage and to be honest its pure speculation.

You havent come back to us at all, and it concerns me that you re merely uing this thread as another weapon in the argument of "i want more sex".

Of course you could prove me wrong .

I stongly suspect though that if you got down to it there would be two radically different viewpoints here. As usual we are only seeing one side of the story... and that is limited in the extreme