Whats happened to the world...

LegacyUser

I'll keep it short...

I'm 20 and every one of my friends do drugs myself included. I'm copping on to myself now and have moved away from it for the most part. Only problem is, I've noticed that I'm phazing myself out of the group by cutting down (and giving up altogether hopefully). Nobody rings me anymore and unless after 12-14 years I've suddenly become a dickhead, I'd say its the drugs... My mates don't leave there houses unless:

1. We have a bit of weed between us and somewhere to smoke it (in someones house basicaly).

2. Going to the pub with intentions of doing coke all night.

3. Going to town and doing pills and going to a rave somewhere after (anywhere up to 3 days).

I've run out of steam, body can't take the abuse anymore... I dunno what to do, I feel like ****, mentaly and physically, most of the time. I don't even know why I'm posting tbh, I suppose getting it off my chest helped a bit...

Thanks for readin...

dudara

You're doing the right thing for you, and if your friends don't appreciate that, then you can see that they are not close friends.

henboy9

my grandmother had a good saying

---

SHOW ME YOUR COMPANY AND ILL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE

---

think that says it all really.good luck with it

WindSock

I was in that situation before, OP. The only solution is to get a new set of friends, the others will only drag you down.

Colonel_McCoy

totally agree with Windsock......................had a group of friends just like yours..................I ditched them and I have moved on with my life while they are doing the same thing wasting thier life...................

Doctor DooM

I know people who whole lives revolve around weed.

They talk a good talk about all the wonderful things they are going to do tomorrow, in a week, in a year, but all they do is spend all their money smoking.

You're doing the right thing OP, it's a nasty rut to get stuck in. you'll get new friends.

all the stars

well done... I thinkk that it is great you have finally come to the point of wanting more from life.. Your "friends" will probably see you less and less as they wont have much in common as you move forward while they do not.

Honestly, this is gonna be really hard for you, i have seen it so many times - just take it one day at a time, and be proud of yourself for making such a big decision.

crotalus667

Dude you said it your self "I've run out of steam, body can't take the abuse anymore" it's time for you to move on with your life at least you have the cop on to realise you where heading down the crapper don’t get me wrong I’ve done coypus amount’s of stuff in the past and have been where you are , Im not saying that every thing is going to be rosy but it will be better than if you stay where you are, most of the people I used to hang around with are either still where I left them or further down the “dope road” (one chap is R.I.P due to an OD)

Here is what I suggest, get your body back on track , head over to the fitness forum for some advise join a gym or even just a local sports team , it will have 2 effects 1 you will feel better and 2 you have an excuse no to do drugs if you are hanging around with those friends , although I found that with out the drugs I did not rely have much of a reason to hang around with said friends , it’s a sad fact of life that in order to move on you often need to leave parts of your life behind

fuzzywiggle

Oh well that's great.. well done to you! Lets be honest here...f*ck your friends. They're all probably only friends because drugs is their common link and all they have in common. You don't really want to be friends with that type anyway do you? You need to meet some new friends..some clean friends. Stay off the drugs and you'll start feeling back to your old self again in time. Good luck!

star-pants

I think most people have said it - but you know what you need to do. You've outlined all the problems and you're not happy with your life. Your body's not happy.

You need to start a new patch of your life, away from all of this. It won't be easy granted but there's lots of things out there in the world that you can do and experience. Being stuck in - high - you don't get to do much I imagine.

You've taken the first steps by admitting there's issues/problems. So continue on working on it hun, best of luck x

Zambia

I once listened to an alcoholic you explained a lot to me.

He said He drank heavily and sought the company of others who drank heavily, he also said he activly avoided those people he knew that didnt.

Drugs work in the same way , everyone wants to be in the same "place" basically your refusal to partake in drugs is making your friends drug "experience" less enjoyable. They will also feel less comfortable talking about drug nights out in your presence.

It's not really easy finding new friends and I wouldnt exactly ditch them as other posters suggested outright. They are probably thinking that ists not fair for them to be so off their heads in your company. It may not be malicious , slightly selfish yes but not malicious. I would not burn any bridges and keep a relationship with them that does not involve drugs.

Most of them will grow out of it and start to feel like you do now. Then you probably will be just as good friends again.

But joining a gym or sport is always a good idea. best of luck

Marksie

I guess the only thing to add from what others have said. Is to look at something to fill the void left from stopping this behaviour.

If its been a big part of your life, then tired oif it or no, you will need something else to take its place.

Think about what you would like to do and do that

AARRRGH

Something similar happened to me. The solution unfortunately is to make new friends. Drugs become the no 1 for people, even more important than childhood friends. It's highly unlikely your friends will see the light, so dump them before they drag you down.

The druggie friends I grew up with (who I had to get rid of) messed up their lives.

meglome

I have friends who I rarely ever see and usually only communicate with using texts or the very odd phone call. Nearly every time they go anywhere or do anything there's drugs involved. I'm not part of that scene so I'm not included and I think they don't want to be judged by me on some level. They're all in their late twenties and I think they would, deep down, like to change but can't/won't. To be honest I won't be totally shocked if I get a call as someone has taken a drug cocktail too many.

Caoimhín

Fair play to you for seeing the light at twenty. It took me until I was 30 to cop on to what my partying was doing to myself and my family. I had to stop hanging around with a bunch of palls since aswell. We only stay in touch through txts and the odd chat, but you know what? turns out with no drugs or booze involved we dont really have too much in common anyway.
Your doing the right thing belive me.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice, I really appreciate it... I've already started getting my **** together, I've been going to the gym for the last 3 weeks now, almost eating proper food.

I have it lucky at the moment, seem to have picked the perfect time to move away from this lifestyle, I'm starting a degree course next year which will give me a chance to get to know new people. One of my mates is also recently off the booze so at least I have someone in the same boat. With a bit of willpower I should be able to stay off the crap

Thanks again for the advice!

board om

hey OP,

if you are 20 and thse people have been your friends for 12-14 years then you guys go back a long way. i wouldnt want to lose people that i have been friends with for that long just because of drugs. there is no reason why you cant still hang out with them and just not take drugs yourself.

maybe during the weekdays when they are smoking weed you could, as other posters said, go to the gym and join sports or social groups. but at the weekends and for nights out you could still hang out and just not take drugs. it will be difficult at first but after a while it will become second nature. and as long as you dont sit there giving everone lectures or with a holier than though attitude, then nobody is going to think any less of you. if anything you will probably find that your friends might stop taking drugs as well some of the nights. there might be some of them already who are sick of it and just need someone else to make the first move.

i always hung out with large groups in my teens and twenties and this is how it developed for us. originally most of us only knew each other through drugs. during the weekdays people did differnet things and at weekends everyone met up. most still did coke and pills, some just drank. nobody was ever frozen out for not doing something. if anything it was the ones that went too far into drugs that got frozen out, and seeing as we used to be big into our 3 day benders it took a lot to go too far.

tbh people who suddenly dropped out of the group and decided they were better than that used to pi** people off. becuse if one week you are doing the same as everyone else and your all best friends, and then the next week your too good for these 'druggies', you are kind of showing double standards by saying "well when i want to do drugs its ok but now that i dont want to do drugs anymore, they are bad".

you are 20 now so you will find yourself starting to make new friends over the next few years through works and college etc. so just find a heealthy mix of your old friends and your new friends.

all the best

Cpt.Willard

I found myself in the same position two years ago. It got to the point where I got myself beaten up after a drunken night. That incident was the final straw, and I turned my back and walked away. Best decision I could have made. I'm much happier now and they're all still doing the same thing every weekend. Walking away will be a great thing for you to do, OP. You may be a 'dickhead' in their eyes, but you're much more the stronger person than they are.

JC 2K3

board om wrote: »

hey OP,

if you are 20 and thse people have been your friends for 12-14 years then you guys go back a long way. i wouldnt want to lose people that i have been friends with for that long just because of drugs. there is no reason why you cant still hang out with them and just not take drugs yourself.

maybe during the weekdays when they are smoking weed you could, as other posters said, go to the gym and join sports or social groups. but at the weekends and for nights out you could still hang out and just not take drugs. it will be difficult at first but after a while it will become second nature. and as long as you dont sit there giving everone lectures or with a holier than though attitude, then nobody is going to think any less of you. if anything you will probably find that your friends might stop taking drugs as well some of the nights. there might be some of them already who are sick of it and just need someone else to make the first move.

i always hung out with large groups in my teens and twenties and this is how it developed for us. originally most of us only knew each other through drugs. during the weekdays people did differnet things and at weekends everyone met up. most still did coke and pills, some just drank. nobody was ever frozen out for not doing something. if anything it was the ones that went too far into drugs that got frozen out, and seeing as we used to be big into our 3 day benders it took a lot to go too far.

tbh people who suddenly dropped out of the group and decided they were better than that used to pi** people off. becuse if one week you are doing the same as everyone else and your all best friends, and then the next week your too good for these 'druggies', you are kind of showing double standards by saying "well when i want to do drugs its ok but now that i dont want to do drugs anymore, they are bad".

you are 20 now so you will find yourself starting to make new friends over the next few years through works and college etc. so just find a heealthy mix of your old friends and your new friends.

all the best

QFT.

You don't just walk away from friends you've had for 12-14 years. I think the "Walk away from those horrible druggies immediately, you're wasting your life!" brigade are missing this fact. If they can't accept you doing drugs less frequently or hanging around with them while you're not on drugs, then there might be reason to walk away, but people are generally reasonable, and if you've been friends for 12-14 years, the chances are they aren't going to exclude you just because of this.

Don't expect them to call you every time they're doing something though. They might feel a bit as if you're distancing yourself from them a bit by coming out/doing drugs less frequently. You should try calling them instead of expecting calls from them, and maybe starting a discussion about how you feel you can't take the strain of doing so many drugs anymore.

LegacyUser

I'm obviously not gonna walk away from all my mates, they're closer to me then my family, they are my family. I suppose the best thing to do is just let them know whats goin on inside my head, that I'm gonna make an honest effort in stopping this time and they will prolly help me with it...

Overheal

henboy9 wrote: »

my grandmother had a good saying

---

SHOW ME YOUR COMPANY AND ILL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE

---

think that says it all really.good luck with it

quoted for granny seal of excellence

Its clear though, that outside of drugs you have nothing in common with these people? I wouldn't mourn over it. You're doing the right thing by cleaning up.

In reality, clean normal folk, and users, can co-exist peacefully as long as theres friendship and commonality. I've done it, I've seen it. And much as you try (and I've tried it both ways I'll be honest) you can't really get someone to pick up/put down except of their own free will. If they are you're friends don't wait up for them; they'll have to come around on their own. Or not at all.

board om

Overheal wrote: »

quoted for granny seal of excellence

Its clear though, that outside of drugs you have nothing in common with these people? I wouldn't mourn over it. You're doing the right thing by cleaning up.

In reality, clean normal folk, and users, can co-exist peacefully as long as theres friendship and commonality. I've done it, I've seen it. And much as you try (and I've tried it both ways I'll be honest) you can't really get someone to pick up/put down except of their own free will. If they are you're friends don't wait up for them; they'll have to come around on their own. Or not at all.

after 12-14 years of friendship i am sure they have more in common than drugs.

your friends dont have to give anything up. just because you are deciding you want to doesnt mean they have to. once you get through the first few weeks of not taking anything around them you will get used to it and things will be fine. tbh after a while you will probably start remembering all the other stuff you used to do before drugs and that will be great for you. and as i said before, around your age you starting meeting new people through college and work so you will start getting new friends as well.

bottom line is your whole life is just opening up to you now so going into it with a clear head and drug free is a brilliant idea. and a healthy mix of your old friends and your new friends will also be good.

Dudess

I'd doubt they've gone off you or feel insecure just because you're keeping away from drugs, but extreme drug usage can turn people into selfish assholes. I'm not talking about an E or two the odd Saturday night, I'm talking about the stuff you've described.
When I was 22/23 my two closest friends started doing a lot of drugs and it changed them. I found myself drifting from one of them - basically she'd been all anti drugs and then she met the crowd our other mate had started hanging out with and she was taking drugs practically five minutes after. I just couldn't stand her hypocrisy. But their interest in drugs faded and everything's rosy again, and I'd say the same will happen with your mates - considering how close you are to them.
I often found myself feeling inadequate and left out because I didn't want to do the amount of drugs they were doing - the odd time, fine, but this business of three or four nights a week of getting absolutely demented was just skanky and dodgy and horrible and I hated it. They were also starting to hang out with complete and utter scumbags whom they wouldn't have dreamed of even speaking to before they started using drugs.
But I just stuck to my guns and refused to take part. I also made a point that I wanted to head out just as much as they did but I had no interest in behaving like a skank or mingling with scumbags, and it was fine. We all knew where we stood, and I went out with them whenever I wanted. I also got to know other people outside of this crowd - in a way it was a beneficial experience because it broadened my circle of friends.
As I said, it was just a phase. A lot of that group (my two closest friends aside) whom I didn't like at all at the time because they were so bloody selfish and thoughtless have become great friends of mine now. Everyone indulges once in a blue moon which is absolutely fine, but the craziness of those couple of years is well over and everyone is a lot nicer for it.

I just can't believe you're feeling burnt-out so young though. At the same time, being only 20 means you've ample opportunity to broaden your circle of friends, while still remaining friends with the mates you're talking about.

But don't worry about it. And kudos to you for making up your mind at such an early age to stop over-doing the drug consumption.

Hoochiemama

board om wrote: »

hey OP,

if you are 20 and thse people have been your friends for 12-14 years then you guys go back a long way. i wouldnt want to lose people that i have been friends with for that long just because of drugs. there is no reason why you cant still hang out with them and just not take drugs yourself.

maybe during the weekdays when they are smoking weed you could, as other posters said, go to the gym and join sports or social groups. but at the weekends and for nights out you could still hang out and just not take drugs. it will be difficult at first but after a while it will become second nature. and as long as you dont sit there giving everone lectures or with a holier than though attitude, then nobody is going to think any less of you. if anything you will probably find that your friends might stop taking drugs as well some of the nights. there might be some of them already who are sick of it and just need someone else to make the first move.

i always hung out with large groups in my teens and twenties and this is how it developed for us. originally most of us only knew each other through drugs. during the weekdays people did differnet things and at weekends everyone met up. most still did coke and pills, some just drank. nobody was ever frozen out for not doing something. if anything it was the ones that went too far into drugs that got frozen out, and seeing as we used to be big into our 3 day benders it took a lot to go too far.

tbh people who suddenly dropped out of the group and decided they were better than that used to pi** people off. becuse if one week you are doing the same as everyone else and your all best friends, and then the next week your too good for these 'druggies', you are kind of showing double standards by saying "well when i want to do drugs its ok but now that i dont want to do drugs anymore, they are bad".

you are 20 now so you will find yourself starting to make new friends over the next few years through works and college etc. so just find a heealthy mix of your old friends and your new friends.

all the best

Well agreed. You dont just drop your life long friends... You're still young and like you said are starting college and will get to meet loads of new people but dont just write these people off.... you know that there is more to them than just taking drugs, they are your friends.

now if they're ditching you cos you wont take drugs then **** em but be sure before you write them off.... I hang out with a group of friends, some of us smoke weed some of us don't, some of us do pills some of us dont. I like to think that noone gets judged regardless of what we're doing and as a result are able to go out as a big group, look after each other and have fun.... and its definitely what makes our group such a close group... no judgement, no peer pressure....don't judge people souly on their social habits... remember they are human beings not just drug takers

Dudess

Of the crowd I hung out with that did far too much drugs and acted selfishly and scummily, only one of them actually has a problem now and is a complete and utter prick. All the others are fab people and great friends.

OP, it's highly likely they'll grow out of it. And some will start to feel the same way you do - that it's taking its toll on them physically and mentally etc.

LegacyUser

Hey there,

First of well well done on deciding to stop. I find that very admirable, you should be proud rather than beating yourself up. My ex bf was the very same as you, he'd go missing for days and I wouldn't hear from him. His moods would change suddenly, he'd become very aggressive and take it out on me. We broke up eventually and now he's really after becoming involved with a crowd of saps. The girl he's currently messing around with is a dirty, frumpy animal. His friends are simple little bowsies that show no respect to anybody. Everyone in his new circle seems to be slow (no offence intended) or just really, really violent and aggressive. Be glad they won't talk to you, you need to stay well away from them.

Surround yourself with people that really care about you (I'm sure there are loads even if you don't think so) I can honestly say that I really loved my ex, to the point where I just wanted to stop breathing when we broke up. Even now I'm totally wrapped up in him and because of his decisions we don't have any contact anymore. Even if you don't intend to, continuing to live like your friends will damage a lot of people. He probably thought I didn't really care about him because 'I didn't want him to be happy' (which was never the case, I just wanted him to cut back on the drug use) It was never intended to hurt him or make him feel like I wanted to see him miserable. He was just too messed up to see that I asked him to stop for his own good. Even now I worry so much that he gona end up dead somewhere, he looks like he's totally worn down. You should feel really proud that you're refusing to hurt yourself and that you're preventing another girl like myself from being bullied and broken down by it, not to mention your mother/sisters/brother/cousins etc.. Do you know what I'd have given to hear my ex say everything you did in your post?!

Please keep yourself safe and don't allow anybody to bring you back down. You're very brave and your decision shows just how much stronger you are than all of your so called 'friends'!

cornbb

Dudess wrote: »

Of the crowd I hung out with that did far too much drugs and acted selfishly and scummily, only one of them actually has a problem now and is a complete and utter prick. All the others are fab people and great friends.

OP, it's highly likely they'll grow out of it. And some will start to feel the same way you do - that it's taking its toll on them physically and mentally etc.

I'll second that. I don't agree with the posters who are saying "F*ck your friends". Its good that you are choosing your own direction, its a tough thing to do, but it doesn't suddenly make your friends evil. You might not be able to hang out with them very often for a long time, maybe several years, but as Dudess said its probable that most of them will eventually grow out of it. Maybe the fact that you are doing so will prompt more of them to do so too.

Stick to your guns, adapt your lifestyle to exactly the way you want it to be and let your friends make their own choices. But make an effort to keep in touch with your mates, even if its just a phonecall every now and then. You can still go to the pub with them the odd time if the temptation to snort all night isn't too high.

Best of luck.

WindSock

I'm not saying to ditch your friends completely. Just start socialising a bit more with people who suit your mindset at the moment. I am still good friends with my smoking mates, even though I have given up completely myself. but I also have friends for when I don't feel like doing nothing else.
If I remained having no other types friends, I would have wasted a lot of my early 20's sitting around and watching films, or staying in bed to recover from sessions. Save that for occasions only

Krsnik87

Good luck man, hope it works out

vincenzo1975

You.......

have just discovered the meaning of trainspotting.....(the movie)
So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change. This is the last of this sort of thing. I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the ****ing big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die.