Mothers got to love them

sidneykidney

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.



3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'


10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

FrCrilly

This reminds me of Billy Connolly jokes about his father. Something along the lines of:

If my father was hitting me, he'd ask "Have you had enough, do you want more????". What a stupid question. Am I supposed to say "I suppose a kick in the testicles would be out of the question?"

Father: Where were you?
Billy: I was out on my bike.
Father: Out on your bike. I'LL GIVE YA' BIKE!!!!!!.
What the f*ck is that supposed to mean?

The most stupid question in the history of the human race has to be that question that your parents ask you when you're young.
"Where did you lose it?"
"It's lost, that means I don't know where it f*ckin is!!!!"