Need Assistance with Hearing Problem

LegacyUser

I am 25yr old male with a hearing problem. When I was a baby I had the German measles which caused permanent damage to both ears. This problem does not affect my daily life but it is having a major impact on my social life.
When I go to very noisy pubs or nightclubs with my mates I am not able to hear anything anybody says to me. All I hear is the noise or music.
I have been to see a consultant but there is nothing they can do. My problem is that I am too embarrassed to go out now and I find the night’s way to long & not much fun if I cannot hear anybody. As you guessed by now this little problem makes it very hard to chat to girls.
I am thinking of joining a dating service but wondering how to bring up my little problem without girls thinking I am a loser.
Any advice much appreciated.

whatsgoinon

Hi,

I would like to think that any girl you consider cute or nice enough to approach would not be as shallow as to class you a loser due to your deafness. My brother is in a similar situation, totally deaf in one ear. He's not a big drinker either, so finds nights out with his mates a complete nightmare. He gets very frustrated at not being able to hear anyone. Even though I have no problems with my hearing, I struggle in pubs and clubs myself to hear people.

I know you may have been told a thousand times, that there are plenty of places to meet girls other than pubs and clubs, it is true.

Don't think of yourself as a loser, just because you are partially deaf or for any other reason. Try a dating site, be honest with people, but try not to make it into a negative, if you get me. I'm sure you have many qualities to offer. Try not to let it get you down.

echosound

OK I suffer a bit with this myself - bit of deafness in one ear, due to problems at birth. Perhaps not to the same extent your hearing is damaged, but damaged all the same.
Also affects me in the manner you mention - cannot hear any conversation in loud environments, find it hard to hear certain voices even in quieter environments, straining to catch what people are saying, asking them to repeat themselves. getting fed up and frustrated at not being able to hear everything properly, and sometimes other people getting fed up when asked to repeat themselves all the time!
Do you mind me asking the extent of your deafness? is it very bad, or is it the case that you can hear things well enough in quiet environments if you focus, but once there's any other noise bar the speaker, you can't make out what is being said?

If the latter (which is how I am) trust me - it's not actually all that big of an issue in one-on-one situations, or in group situations either for that matter. If you just explain casually to people that you have a bit of trouble with your hearing, most people will be perfectly fine, go "oh, right sorry" and will repeat what they say without getting annoyed, and it won't be an issue whatsoever.

If you are worried about joining a dating service, I don't see why you would have to make a big deal out of "revealing" your hearing issues - if you can get by in normal daily life, and you can hear in "normal" circumstances, ie with a low level of background noise, once you meet a girl and start the chatting, explain casually that your hearing is a bit bad, and if she is a normal human being, she won't see it as an issue at all. try to make sure that if you are bringing a girl on a date, you pick a nice quiet bar or restaurant or wherever, rather than a crowded noisy place where you will end up not being able to hear her or hold a conversation.

I find I have to concentrate on people's mouths -I am not a lipreader by any means! -but I find it helps me make out the odd word I may miss in conversation, or maybe it helps me to focus and concentrate more on the words - the reason I am mentioning this is that you might be doing that too, staring intently at people while listening, and people can get a bit nervous if they are being studied carefully when they speak, so again just casually mention your hearing is a little bit duff and they should be fine with this.

I just have to emphasise again that you should not be down on yourself about this - I swear to whatever powers that be that people do not hold things like that against you, it's just one of those things that people shrug and go "ok grand so" - same as if you tell someone you can't walk as fast as them and would they mind slowing down a bit, they don't think you're a loser, they just automatically go "oh right so" and slow down a bit without even batting an eyelid. Same goes for speaking. At least in my experience it does, as I said I may or may not be as impaired as yourself, but I do recognise a lot of myself in your initial post there, so hopefully some of what I've said might help.

LegacyUser

Hey there,

I'm a 19 year old girl. I went through most of secondary school wearing hearing aids. Luckily I finally got better, it was a miracle. But anyway you're not a freak, of course girls will like you. I get lots of male attention and I'd never turn a guy away for such a silly reason.

Go get a hearing test. It's absolutely fine, stop being so scared. Be brave lol You're just as worthy as anybody else and deserve a pat on the back for dealing with such a horrible thing.

Best of luck

Gumbyman

What Echosound said + 20. I'm also hard of hearing. Too many years of playing guitar at stupid levels and earphones up full blast have damaged my hearing permanently. In pubs all I hear is mush most of the time. I was the same - not enjoying nights out and just getting hammered because there was nothing else to do!! Now when I got out I'll try to make sure that we go somewhere without ridiculous levels of music - talk to your mates about it. They should understand. Quiet pubs are the best places to start out anyway. Also, my lip reading skills are pretty advanced at this stage. Sometimes I can 'hear' conversations from across the bar!! People who cover there mouth when they talk are pretty annoying though. My advice is to definitely tell people you are half deaf and even make a joke of it. They'll get the hang of it after a while and if they get annoyed to be repeating themselves that's just too bad. Watch lips. Don't be surprised if people get paranoid about having something on their teeth though! If you're looking to get chatting to a bird, try to do it in the pub before the nightclub/late bar. Get the ground work in then and hopefully there will be no need for talking later on Or go somewhere where the music is great and all anybody does is sing along anyway. I hope it works out for you. I'm pretty sure it will - just be patient. Good luck with it!