Just had another bad attack

LegacyUser

Need help. Suffer badly from anxiety. Things bring it on. Like when I take a snide remark to heart or when nobody laughs at my joke. Do you have 'friends' that never even listen to you, your jokes, and just cut accross you when you speak? I am very giving to my friends, always helping them out and talking to them, picking them up etc but i suffer bad depression when I'm with them and when I'm ignored. After being with them today I took my pain out on my girlfriend. I rang her and out of nowhere snapped. You see we split up for 2 months and during the time she went out on a date and snogged the face (and probably more) off this sleazebag. Hes mates with my mate. The mates then this evening were going on about how great he is and that he can get any woman(they dont have girlfriends) and how much better looking he is than me. I get so hurt when I'm told i'm ugly, because I'm naturally a proud person, thats not arrogance thats just what I naturally feel, maybe its a bad upbringing. I'm 30. I feel pathetic. I feel like my girlfriend is no better than the sluts who walk up to this guy looking for sex(true believe it or not, he works in a bar and we see it every weekend). Sometimes I'm strong about this thing but other times especially after I've been drinking I get it into my head and my brain fries. I dont want to eat or do anything. And then I met a nice girl the other night who I thought was a genuine girl and it turns out my mate snogged and fingered her. The thing is I know its normal for her to have done this but it feels so bad. Am I too old fashioned. I know people are gonna reply to this saying aw poor you you macho pig but Im serious when I say I suffer mentally to the point of crashing my car off the road. My head just gets so hot I lose control and want to bash my head off the wall a thousand times. Is this what love does to you, or attachment, im such a mess. I suppose deep down I just want to be accepted and loved but genuinely..I dont understand..im asking one of you to please shine a light in the dark.

speaktofrank

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

Need help. Suffer badly from anxiety. Things bring it on. Like when I take a snide remark to heart or when nobody laughs at my joke. Do you have 'friends' that never even listen to you, your jokes, and just cut accross you when you speak? .

So why are you friends with them?

You see we split up for 2 months and during the time she went out on a date and snogged the face (and probably more) off this sleazebag. Hes mates with my mate.

Again, why are you friends with this person? Can you see the pattern emerging?

The mates then this evening were going on about how great he is and that he can get any woman(they dont have girlfriends) and how much better looking he is than me.

I refer you to the previous points

feel like my girlfriend is no better than the sluts who walk up to this guy looking for sex(true believe it or not, he works in a bar and we see it every weekend).

Bad judgement on her part, but little unfair to call her a slut. As you said yourself you split up so she was free to do as she pleased.

And then I met a nice girl the other night who I thought was a genuine girl and it turns out my mate snogged and fingered her. The thing is I know its normal for her to have done this but it feels so bad.

While it might feel bad, it doesn't mean she is any less genuine. You have you mates account of things, how about listening to her side of the story, or do you accept everything you hear from these 'mates' as gospel? And if you are still with your girlfriend then why are you trying to get with her?

My head just gets so hot I lose control and want to bash my head off the wall a thousand times. Is this what love does to you, or attachment, im such a mess. I suppose deep down I just want to be accepted and loved but genuinely..I dont understand..im asking one of you to please shine a light in the dark

Take a deep breath, and relax, all your problems seem to stem from these friends of yours and the need to be accepted by girls. Why put yourself through that? Don't be so intense, maybe see a counsellor and try to talk about these issues. Driving your car off the road solves nothing. You can change things, if you have/had a gf you're not a bad looking guy, and you seem like a pretty decent guy, so be more confident in yourself and don't take things so much to heart.

Miss Fluff

Have you been diagnosed with anxiety OP? You say you suffer from it and yet then your post seems to be about anger issues more than anything.

My two cents would be that you should really think about dumping your "friends" for a start, they don't seem to be helping matters at all.

Esel

Talk to your GP about this. CBT (Cogitive Behavior Therapy) is good. You can get it free from the HSE if your doctor refers you.

Marksie

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

Need help. Suffer badly from anxiety. Things bring it on. Like when I take a snide remark to heart or when nobody laughs at my joke. .

Have you sought professional help for this? There is a lot going on here well beyng the scope of PI.

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

Do you have 'friends' that never even listen to you, your jokes, and just cut accross you when you speak? I am very giving to my friends, always helping them out and talking to them, picking them up etc but i suffer bad depression when I'm with them and when I'm ignored. .

No I dont. I initially thought that perhaps you were looking and perceiving thing that were not there but reading youw whole post i am not sure now.
Why do you hang around with them?

It strikes me that you have not a giving personality but an obliging one. Whish is somdwhat different.. In that an obliging person does anything for anyone but then gets very hurt when they percieve its niot returned.

This can be used by people, you ahve to decide whether your friends are using this trait in you. But you need to do so from a place of strength

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

After being with them today I took my pain out on my girlfriend. I rang her and out of nowhere snapped. You see we split up for 2 months and during the time she went out on a date and snogged the face (and probably more) off this sleazebag. Hes mates with my mate. .

So thats what your mates told you? and you belived them. Did she confirm or deny this?
I am nnot going to say that well you were split for 2 months.
But will say that phoning like that and takling out your gfriend in such a fashion is transferring all your feelings of lack of self worth and frustration onto someone who you shouldnt have.

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

The mates then this evening were going on about how great he is and that he can get any woman(they dont have girlfriends) and how much better looking he is than me. .

Wow they really are button pushing arent they and you are falling for it.
Sounds like you should stop gong out with these "mates".
It also sounds like you are looking at the guy and transferring hatred to him.
If they havent got gfriends then it says something about them.

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

I get so hurt when I'm told i'm ugly, because I'm naturally a proud person, thats not arrogance thats just what I naturally feel, maybe its a bad upbringing. I'm 30. I feel pathetic. .

OK major self esteem issues..who again says your ugly? your mates?
Usually commenting on somene else is a measn of somene feeling good about thehmselves by making someone feeling bad about themselves. Its essesntially a form of bullying.
And it does affect self esteem and self worth.
Pride is one thing, but self confidence is lacking here.
Its being undermined

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

I feel like my girlfriend is no better than the sluts who walk up to this guy looking for sex(true believe it or not, he works in a bar and we see it every weekend). Sometimes I'm strong about this thing but other times especially after I've been drinking I get it into my head and my brain fries. I dont want to eat or do anything. .

again this is this guys life. Did you girlfriend actually do what is claimned she did?
if she did you ahve to sort it rationally. If not then look at the source of where it came from.
I really think you are loking at this guy with a whole gamutu of emotions of which wanting to be like that would be one of them.

Switch bars

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

And then I met a nice girl the other night who I thought was a genuine girl and it turns out my mate snogged and fingered her. The thing is I know its normal for her to have done this but it feels so bad. .

Ahh now..did she say this or did your "mate" give you the nudge and wink "Oi i fingered her yu know".
That is schoolboy behaviour.

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

Am I too old fashioned. I know people are gonna reply to this saying aw poor you you macho pig but Im serious when I say I suffer mentally to the point of crashing my car off the road. My head just gets so hot I lose control and want to bash my head off the wall a thousand times. .

When you get to thats stage you really must recognise you need professional help

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

Is this what love does to you, or attachment, im such a mess. I suppose deep down I just want to be accepted and loved but genuinely..I dont understand..im asking one of you to please shine a light in the dark .

Ahhh accepted and loved generally..by all. Obliging behaviour. And its being used. your buttons pushed and you are the doormat by your mates.

It is nont what love or attachment does to you. It is what you are doing to yourself as most of this stems from within.

As for shining light..well we are not counsellors or psycholigists or CB therapists.
It is up to you to recognise things that need to be altered and then get the necessary help to alter them....professional help.

But for what its worth:

Remove the external triggers: dont see your mates, switch bars.

Either build bridges (communicate) with your g/friend or remove yourself friom the situation.

reexamine where your feelings are coming from and realise that neither your g/friend, your mates nor the guy in the bar are the root cause. What is in you is the root cause, tthat you are modt definitely in your head with thios and its getting worse.

Look at your "giving" behaviour and look at what youe are actually expecting in return

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for the replies. really, they help.
To answer the questions and hopefully understand more..
Marksie - I sought professional help for trauma around last October, was put on antidepressants, sleeping tablets, and stomach tablets to make me eat. I stopped taking the antidepressants at Christmas. I have not seen a psychologist or therapist, counsellor etc. I suppose I'm ashamed.
I hang around with them cos I was in school with them and in one on ones they are nice. Maybe we all know each other too well and in that there is no room for change. Also, I am not good on my own, I get panic attacks and close up completely when on my own in public..I left college because of it, I just walk around like a ghost sometimes because thats what I feel like!
I'm very emotional and hyper sensitive, music has a huge effect on me, I was a musician for a few years but I have stopped listening to it or playing because it weakens me..obliging, or just weak, a very weak person.
Yes my girlfriend confirmed this..She said they went on a date but he turned out to be an idiot so they went their separate ways, but still managed to snog him 5 times in the bar..
If I was to say to them about them not having girlfriends they would say yeah but look at the state of your gfriend... I think shes very cute. But I'm made to feel shes a weak piece of meat who has been damaged..I know this is wrong.
I dont want to be the sleazebag in the bar, I want to be capable of being attractive, and I dont want him tricking decent women after shagging a slut 20 mins beforehand, I want him to be nice to them. He says he doesnt care if a girl has a boyfriend.
The girl my mate 'fingered' was working for him, and usually the girls that go through the bar are under the influence of alcohol alot..
Speaktofrank, I'm disillusioned with my relationship, I dont seem to be able to let go of what she did when we were split up, and i suppose i feel like its wrapped around my legs making me drown. I am just chatting to other girls to try to open my eyes and see whats out there. I dunno..laptop battery going. Thanks again everyone.

muppetkiller

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

I dont seem to be able to let go of what she did when we were split up, QUOTE]
Think about this again....one more time so you're clear about it..YOU were not going out with her at the time...She did nothing wrong ! You are the one with the major issues here so stop taking them out on her or you'll loose her too.
If I was you i'd be giving her flowers and an apology today.
Also if you don't like the behaviour of your friends then stop hanging around with them. Your opinion on how people should behave is just that , it's 'your' opinion. Stop trying to control situations that you have no control over or you will go mental.

Marksie

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

Marksie - I sought professional help for trauma around last October, was put on antidepressants, sleeping tablets, and stomach tablets to make me eat. I stopped taking the antidepressants at Christmas. I have not seen a psychologist or therapist, counsellor etc. I suppose I'm ashamed..

The help was to treat the symptoms not the cause.
Listen: There is no shame in going to see a professional.
To continue and get worse is the shame.

It is a strong person who can look at himslef and say i have a problem. You have done this started the first step.
Now take the steps to resolve it.

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

I hang around with them cos I was in school with them and in one on ones they are nice. Maybe we all know each other too well and in that there is no room for change. .

There is always room for change, but you have to realise this yourself.
change in itself is growth, keeping the statuis quo is stagnation.
No one can begin to make those changes for you..only you can

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

Also, I am not good on my own, I get panic attacks and close up completely when on my own in public..I left college because of it, I just walk around like a ghost sometimes because thats what I feel like!
I'm very emotional and hyper sensitive, music has a huge effect on me, I was a musician for a few years but I have stopped listening to it or playing because it weakens me..obliging, or just weak, a very weak person..

Then now you simply must go to a professional.

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

Yes my girlfriend confirmed this..She said they went on a date but he turned out to be an idiot so they went their separate ways, but still managed to snog him 5 times in the bar...

She confirmed the snogging. If you were in a stronger place you would see and shrug. She spotted him for an idiot

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

If I was to say to them about them not having girlfriends they would say yeah but look at the state of your gfriend... I think shes very cute. But I'm made to feel shes a weak piece of meat who has been damaged..I know this is wrong..

Yes it is wrong because you are allowing what is said to influence you. you are responsible for your own happines and unhappiness.
Someone trained to talk through this will help you immeasurably.

it is the classic response of a bunch of losers. You are goaded into a comment and they respond. dont believe it

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

I dont want to be the sleazebag in the bar, I want to be capable of being attractive, and I dont want him tricking decent women after shagging a slut 20 mins beforehand, I want him to be nice to them. He says he doesnt care if a girl has a boyfriend..

You are not responsible for his behaviour.. only your own.
It is his life and you have no control over it, neither should you have.
look to your own wellbeing.

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

The girl my mate 'fingered' was working for him, and usually the girls that go through the bar are under the influence of alcohol alot...

Yes and?

Its all baloney imo as far as that goes. you are being picked on. tell em to go swing.

googoogaga9999 wrote: »

Speaktofrank, I'm disillusioned with my relationship, I dont seem to be able to let go of what she did when we were split up, and i suppose i feel like its wrapped around my legs making me drown. I am just chatting to other girls to try to open my eyes and see whats out there. I dunno..laptop battery going. Thanks again everyone.

you are disillusioned with everything at the mokmment.
again talk to a professional.
It is not weak to do this

LegacyUser

Its amazing how different Ive felt yesterday and today. Definitely the effects of the drink. Yesterday I was a little groggy, short with people, annoyed. Today I feel much better mentally to deal with the painful thoughts and attacks. I have learnt something. Was gonna let the thread go but thought Id see if there might be any more helpful advice.
I feel today like I am super motivated and can start rebuilding. Heres another problem..why is it that I associate working hard, working in general, getting money, looking good, getting a fancy car etc. , all with meeting and getting the woman of my dreams. I have a girlfriend already! I am thinking that means she is not the one for me.
Also I was thinking yesterday, never a good idea, that one night stands, and being comfortable with your own body, are good fun because they are exciting - you dont know what youre gonna get. You see I never got alot of sex when I was younger, I was more of a drunk and took whatever I got, but rarely wanted sex with them because of my self consciousness about my body and that. Ive been thinking now that people are out having fun having no strings sex and theres nothing wrong with it, like the sleazebag I referred to earlier. Its just that they are more confident and probably better looking physically.
I do realise though that this is probably a dangerous route to go down, or maybe it would be good for me, so as to tire myself with the thoughts of other women, so as to look for a steady relationship. But doesnt this mean that love at first sight and true love doesnt really exist and people get together out of convenience. Or is there a possibility I just havent met the right one yet. Or is that just my personality type.
I was reading an old thread on a fellas wife to be, pointing out 2 previous guys from a photo that she had a threesome with to him weeks before the wedding. It freaks me out to think women might be into this. But men are into it with 2 girls. Again I ask, is this just something people experiment with and then get out of their system before settling down. Is the future going to be everyone sleeping around when they get horny, never telling their partners who they are with for convenience, as it will become like going for a haircut, or then again most people will probably be single. Or am I on sex overdrive in the brain and most people go through this at some point? Im starting to get a picture here and I dont know if Im right.
My problem is all self confidence. Expel or ignore the bad friends, make them come to me if they want me, work on getting myself as attractive as possible, start drinking much less when Im out, compliment men on getting stunning women for one nighters, try myself, laugh when I fail, stop analysing everything to depression, make friends, take numbers, be less serious. Im not sure if I can see the wood for the trees but if I was reading this from an outsiders point of view I'd probably say break up with my girlfriend as it sounds like I'm really not ready as a person to love her properly. Tell me I'm wrong!! and if I feel more attacks coming on, take a break from the situation if I can, and try to change frame of mind.