Do i have an unhealthy relationship with food?

LegacyUser

Im going to do my best to explain my situation in as few words as possible. Please ask questions if anything is unclear...


Im 5'9 and weight 9.5st. im a size 10 sometimes less sometimes more (obv. like everyone else) i can see that those no.s look ok, i should look average, But lately every where i go i feel like the fattest person in the room. I mean i feel HUGE. I feel like everyone is staring at the chubby girl. I hate my stomach and arms and thighs. In the past few weeks ive started binge eating today ive eaten a MASSIVE 2600 cals. what type of slob does that? (i went to the bathroom to purge after but i dont have a gag reflex). i do exersize occasionally but not enough. My mother has begun to buy me diet food. I dont live at home but yesterday she brought over low fat yougerts, weight watchers food and salad. So she has obviously noticed my soaring weight. She is tiny and exercises every day. im so inadequate compared to her.

Please dont get me wrong i dont want to be skinny, no bones please! this is where i get confused i self loath but dont want to be anorexic..

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

themadchef

I'm pretty sure at 10st you are not over weight.

First off, you are not inadequate. You cant compare yourself to your mother like that. Everyone is different. It's all about being happy in yourself.

My question is, if you were 8st for example, do you think it would make you any happier about yourself? And are you happy / successful in other areas of your life?.

I don't think losing weight is your answer. Maybe a counsellor? or talking to your friends.

I cant give you any tips, I'm a hell of a lot heavier than you, its how you feel that counts.

Best of luck OP

lauren1980

I know its easy to say it ...and harder to believe it when ur in the situation but honestly a size 10 and a weight of 9.5 at that height is not big at all , it really isnt. Im sure other people in the room arnt looking at ya , but i no its easy to think that , theres no point comparing yourself to other people

I think ya need to look at why your binge eating. Im sure ya prob know why yourself do you do it.. at a ceartain time? in response to a certain situation? Once you know the reason..ya can control it. Whatever you do dont get into trying to get sick ..it will only lead you futher down a road you dont want to go down.

Try not to compare yourself to your mom, althought it may be hard, sometimes it feels awful when people make "subtle hints" it can be worse than peo;e saying things straight out..but it really sounds like you dont need to worry about your weight

If ya self loath but dont want to be anorexic just make sure that you dont allow your self to become obsessed definitly try and stop the binge eating and adress the issue behind it. eat healthily by all means , just dont let it become an obsession for you. Talk to friends about this...it will give you a perspective to see that you are not fat at all ...im sure their reaction will confim this.

Handsome Bob

OK, I am worried that at 9.5 stone you think that you are overweight. What brings on your feelings, do your friends play a role in how you feel? What is your Mother's attitude?

Also, as madchef said, you need to talk to someone. Are you at School or College or do you work?

djk1000

you should really talk to someone about this OP. It doesn't sound like you are overweight, counting you calorie intake, trying to purge and judging yourself against other people may take you down a path that's best avoided....

If you feel like you have eaten to much, make a point of doing a bit more excercise, with the summer coming, a nice long walk in the evening might cheer you up and make you feel better.

crotalus667

Ok your stats put your BMI at 20 , 20-25 is considered normal below 20 is under weight and considered un healthy , if you want to feel fit and healthy join the fitness fourm (it's in the rec section) the guy's in there can give advise on staying healthy , (once you start working out and getting toned forget about bmi it's a measurement for inactive people once you start to build muscel you will more than likly drop a dress size while maintaining or gaining weight) it sounds to me like your mother is projecting her own prob's onto you , you are as low a weight as you can get without being unhealthy trust me you are not fat or over weight

LegacyUser

LZ5by5 wrote: »

OK, I am worried that at 9.5 stone you think that you are overweight. What brings on your feelings, do your friends play a role in how you feel? What is your Mother's attitude?

Also, as madchef said, you need to talk to someone. Are you at School or College or do you work?

I cant multi quote for some reason so ill reply to all as best i can...

Madchef I know at 8st. i would not be anymore happy because for my height i know i would feel too thin. i would rather be 8.5 st i know puting a number on my ideal wieght is a bad i idea but cant help it i just want to be that size... and yes ido think i would be happier at that weight.

My mother says im not over wieght at all that im a normal size. but she still buys me clothes in a size S or 8 saying the will probabally fit me because they fit her... my dad would never ever ever say or even think that i was fat.

As far as taling to my friends goes i dont want to be another one of the whigey girls who always asks 'am i fat?'. maybe i should see someone about it...

i have no idea why i feel this way i broke up with my boyfriend last week and the whole time we were together i was sure he thought i was fat and that i wasnt good enough for him. when it finished it was pretty obv. that this wasnt the case... i just feel mamoth and cant help it... ive been looking at youtube videos and im serioulsy contemplating starting a 'fast'.

PS thank for the help everyone

The Black Oil

You probably need some emotional support around this in terms of how you view yourself and some of the thoughts you have. It's very easy to get caught in patterns of close monitoring of calorie content and things like that, it can be become very routine.

http://www.something-fishy.org/

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

Oryx

You give your weight here, maybe for reassurance. And no, you are by no means fat. Far from it. But I dont know if any of us telling you is going to help. Because this problem does not really stem from how you look, it stems from the insecurity inside your head. Yes, to answer your question, I do think you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Or at least an unhealthy relationship with your body. Your talk of binge/purging is a big illustration of that.

You need to learn not to hate your body or yourself, first, before going on a health plan or weightwatchers or exercise. If you go into any of those things for the wrong reasons and with the wrong state of mind, they may become fixations, and cause you more problems. Your mother is not helping, and you need to tell her that, kindly. You are not her, and perhaps would never have her petite body shape no matter how you tried. In any case you should not be trying to be her, you should concentrate on being happy in your own skin.

Please look up the really good links given earlier, and deal with this obsession before it gets to you more.

Handsome Bob

so_fat wrote: »

As far as taling to my friends goes i dont want to be another one of the whigey girls who always asks 'am i fat?'. maybe i should see someone about it...

i have no idea why i feel this way i broke up with my boyfriend last week and the whole time we were together i was sure he thought i was fat and that i wasnt good enough for him. when it finished it was pretty obv. that this wasnt the case... i just feel mamoth and cant help it... ive been looking at youtube videos and im serioulsy contemplating starting a 'fast'.

PS thank for the help everyone

What I mean about your friends is what do they talk about? Is weight loss a regular topic for them?

Your Dad sounds like a level headed bloke. If getting in contact with a councillor is too much of a big step, I urge you to talk to your Dad about how you're feeling.

Wurly

Hi OP, at my slimmest I was 9 stone 8 and Im 5 foot 7. I was a rake back then.

You are not in the least bit overweight. You in fact probably look very very slim.

You refer to yourself as a slob etc so you are very hard and down on yourself.

I think you should go to a counsellor. If this isnt a problem already, it definitely will become one. Your attitude towards yourself is very unhealthy.

I wish you the best of luck. Please get some help before this spirals further. It's harder to find your way out when that happens.

Miss Fluff

Bingeing and purging will not help with your weight AT ALL, it will destroy your metabolism, your skin and your health. You are a normal healthy weight, do a little bit of exercise, eat normally and don't binge. Cut out the purging as your first port of call though, you are not doing your mental or physical wellbeing any favours whatsoever.

RedXIV

So_Fat.... wrote: »

In the past few weeks ive started binge eating today ive eaten a MASSIVE 2600 cals. what type of slob does that?

Ah lass, thats NOTHING! back in my school days i'd get two salid rolls, a packet of biscuits and a vienetta for dessert. for lunch. then proceed to my house for dinner and then to two of my mates houses for dinner aswell . now THATS being a slob! that calorie count would probably rival your weekly intake . And the scary part was for all of that, i had a bit of a six pack in those days (god i miss that).

Your problem is in your head, not your hips. don't start getting obsessed with weight, it DESTROYS people. my first gf in college was a stunning lil thing, 5ft3 and about 7.5 stone. AND she complained about weight???? we broke up years ago but i saw her recently and she looks like a skeleton, and it has destroyed her looks completely. Please please please either see help, or realise you're fine the way you are!!!

Esel

You are not fat. It's all in your mind. Realise this before you develop an eating disorder!

Wibbs

OK IMHO most women have self image issues. Far more than men. It seems to be the nature of the beast. Culture the media etc all play into this. Indeed other women are often a big part of it. Men and their attitudes to weight come way down the list. That's why a boyfriend can never give the correct answer to "does my arse look big in this". It's not really addressed to him. 99% of men walking down the street won't be able to tell your dress size, or whether you've lost or gained half a stone. Hell, boyfriends most of the time won't notice or indeed care. So in the end some self image issues are to be expected, but it's like a fear of the dentist. Most people are reticent to go to a dentist, but when it becomes a phobia that impacts your health then it's a different matter.

Again IMHO there are two big things goin on here, your mother and the recent split from the ex. Both of which confirm to you that you're inadequate and this comes out in your attitude to food. I suspect your mum has body image issues herself and has transferred them to you. She's "tiny" and exercises every day, but I suspect not primarily for health reasons. She sees how she looks as one of her primary values(little to do with your dads attitude either) and again transferred this to you. Her bringing over diet food when clearly you're not in need of that from a health point of view and your attitude to yourself and your body image is evidence enough. I'm not one for lets play the blame the parents game, but in this case...

The second bit is the newly ex boyfriend. Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but I get the impression you dumped him? That's not very clear, but regardless I think the relationship had three people in it. You him and your self image. As you said you don't want to come across as the whingey bint who moans about her weight. That probably came up regularly in the relationship too. I've been on the receiving end of that myself in the past. At first you try to reassure, but after a time you come to realise that it will never be enough. It helps a little but it's like putting a plaster on a gunshot wound. It will eat into the relationship. If the other person believes themselves unworthy of you, after a while there's a part of you starts to believes it. The person with the low opinion of themselves engineers situations to reinforce that. The cycle gets worse until there's a breaking point. The surface reason for the split may be from somewhere else but the underlying reason is the self image.

Now you have to realise you're not your mum and while her opinion obviously is valued by you, you do not want to go down the road of constant judgement of you own value primarily based on hers.

No amount of people here or elsewhere saying your not fat will do it. Hey I'll jump in and tell you that unless your scales are calibrated by a madman, you're not even close to fat. Indeed I would say you're slim and a half stone either way will make sod all diff. Put it another way, in 20 years time you will look back and look at yourself and wish you looked that way in 20 years time. Don't waste your youth on worry.

In any case all that won't matter until you come to terms with who you are. Now the fact is you will probably always have that little voice in the back of your head, but with time, work and the experiences of life it will get quieter if you let it. When you start to value yourself, others will value you more. That will feed into how you feel about you.

Maybe some counseling would help so that you can hear what you know already from someone else. The answer doesn't lie on the dinner plate or the needle on the scale, it lies between your ears and, though you may not believe it now, you can overcome this.

Dragan

You don't have an unhealthy relationship with food, you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself and your using food as a weapon against yourself.

Some advice

1) Talk to someone about it.
2) Stop watching video's on bloody youtube.
3) Stop contemplating a fast. Doing something like that would just be foolish.

karry1412

You are definitely not fat & some very good points have been made. Could it maybe be body dysmorphia?

kev_s88

for me it is scary that you think 2600 calories is massive.....do you ever watch those "You are what you eat" programs on TV??? people on that are like 19/20 stone and are eating upwards of 5000 calories a day.think about it......that 2600 calories is only just above the recommended intake for a male so you're not eating that much

and i can safely say that from your description of yourself that you are not fat.you just need to stop being so self-conscious.id almost say stop counting calories too.eat what you want to eat and be who you want to be.

Bottle_of_Smoke

If you go on a fast your body will make an extra efffort to store anything you eat afterward. Just do a low-gi diet & talk to someone, I think this is mainly in your head.

Some body shapes look bigger than others, maybe you're unlucky. Unfortunately you won't be able to change it but you probably don't look as bad as you think you do. Be as slim as you want through healthy means but never starve yourself. I think you should talk to a counseller/behavioral therapist most of all.

The Sweeper

Ignore your mother. My mother used to give me holy hell because I was 150lbs. She was 110lbs at my age. She thought is was horrific. I was also a size 12 - 14 and she was only ever a size 8-10. She thought that was awful too.

My mother is five feet one inches tall. I am five foot seven.

estar

its not food thats really the issue its your relationship with
yourself if you ask me

instead of noticing your need your mother bought you diet
food. it probably wasnt intentional, she probably just thought
thats what you wanted.

in order to get the attention you want - you need to open
your mouth and talk to people around you about how you
are feeling. rather than using food as a control to keep
how you feel at bay through controlling your weight and what
you eat.

and if your mother doesnt understand, find someone that does

bodywhys is a good organisation to help you learn to understand
what role your relationship with food is playing.

i hope the above helps.

best of luck. dysfunctional eating can become very serious
and can lead to you pushing people away - what you eat
affects your mood and your fertility and health in later life.

well done on taking the first step on admitting that
perhaps you arent coping as well as you might appear o

LegacyUser

i really appreciate all the great advice. i realize that haven't been coping with what ever megre problems i do have. I think the best solution for me is not to talk it to death or complain endlessly but to start some kind of journal, where i can address how I'm feeling.

You are all right about my situation i must first deal with myself then my body will follow.

Thanks, you've all helped so much. and the links were great...

estar

no matter how thin you get you will never be thin enough
and you will never change how you feel about yourself
and the feelings of self loathing through dieting.

what you need to do is start exploring

- when did the feelings of self loathing start
- how long have you had a troubled relationship with food
- can you pinpoint any part of your life / event or series of event
that triggered self loathing

it would be better if you went through this process with an
experienced professional. bodywhys should have a recommended
list of people that could help you.

you must start challenging the negative thoughts you are having
about yourself, and start focusing on the good things about yourself.

rather than placing your entire self worth on what you weigh, start
looking at what makes you a good person, what makes you, you.

do you judge other people by what they weigh? do you look at
others and think - shes a bad person, shes fatter than me, shes
a good person, shes thinner than me.

probably not. then why do this to yourself?

part of growing up is realising that our parents have flaws. they arent
perfect and they dont always know what to say and how to react
to things that are outside their normal realms of experience.

most parents havent a clue either how to intially recognise
an eating disorder or how to treat someone who has one.

but i would hope that your mother / father wants you to be happy.
and if that you were in pain and suffering, which you are
they would want to help you.

but maybe your mother isnt going to understand. part of growing up is realising that you are responsible for you. and no matter what influences
are placed upon you growing up that you have the power and the choice to grow past them if you so choose. now you are growing up you must
start to break away from your parents and start taking care of yourself
and forming your own clear and separate identity, and deciding what
is right for you, and what you think about yourself.

i would strongly urge you to seek professional help now before your
compulsions to binge, fast, purge and starve become something
that totally takes over your life and prevents you from taking
advantage of all life has to offer you. such actions can become
very addictive.

and really as a young adult that is your responsibility to yourself.
in life no one can save us but ourselves, ultimately.