I'm a social misfit

LegacyUser

I'm 30 years of age and I have never had a girl friend , believe it or not I have never even kissed a girl.I feel my social development has been stunted because I am fat and have been most of my life so I have a very poor self image and low self esteem.Whenever I go out for a night I feel very uncomfortable because i'm so shy and even if I had to confidence to go up to talk to a girl I fancied I wouldn't able to hold a mature conversation.I see guys 10 years younger who are so confident and chatty without a bother in the world .I mean what do you talk to girls about when your out.I also have fearful thoughts of if I ever do eventually have a girlfriend won't she find my past situation weird

speaktofrank

So the question you need to ask yourself is what can I do to change my situation.
1)Join a gym, get some nutrition leaflets off them.
2)Stay off the beer

Once you loose weight, you will get more self esteem, remember if you don't like yourself, chances are nobody else will. Time to be proactive about this.

And don't worry about girls for the moment, take 12 months, give yourself a target and you will be suprised how easy it comes after that.

the_syco

lonelyboy wrote: »

if I ever do eventually have a girlfriend won't she find my past situation weird

Cos it's not really.

muboop1

what do we talk about? if she was a mate what would you talk bout? if u met a lad for first time what do you talk about??


talk to her like she is anybody else, its that simple!


there is no talk, girls love taking to somebody to talks to them like they are a person...
if worst comes to worst, you at leat made a friend!

Reesy

Hi,

Some suggestions for you to think about:

- Is the self-esteem caused by the weight or vice-versa? Maybe imagine yourself at your target weight, and see what it feels like. Consider seriously talking thru the issues with someone. Many years ago I worked some issues thru with a professional counsellor & it was a big step forward for me.

- Rather than the pub / night clubs, choose an activity you like and that girls participate in too, and do something that'll bring you into contact with them - something like an evening class, or a society. Join one today. When you're around these women, just practice talking and (the secret) asking interested questions. Be yourself and find out what types of conversation work for you. Focus on getting to know a few women a bit. Take it slow. Push yourself to participate. Think about how you dress and so on, wear things that make you feel good, and buy a few nice things (do you know someone who can help you shop?)

You can try both of these things easily, and they're low-risk, but you will have to be brave. Set yourself a few goals. Take the first steps this week.

Good luck.

Sprouts

Good advice from Frank, you have to be happy in your own shell first. The gym or some sort of excercise is essential to us all. If your feeling good and healthy you will feel a lot happier and confident. Listen, we all have our issues that occupy our thoughts from time to time but you have to change things about your life if they are making you unhappy, thing is not to give up and get stuck in a rut, life can be sink or swim so get moving boy, your 30 for godsake, your not old at all.

kraggy

speaktofrank wrote: »

So the question you need to ask yourself is what can I do to change my situation.
1)Join a gym, get some nutrition leaflets off them.
2)Stay off the beer

Once you loose weight, you will get more self esteem, remember if you don't like yourself, chances are nobody else will. Time to be proactive about this.

And don't worry about girls for the moment, take 12 months, give yourself a target and you will be suprised how easy it comes after that.

Maybe he can't lose weight. Some people are just heavy and that's it.

OP, I guess the best thing to do is just try and relax and give it a go. Of course you will be worried about rejection but how about just talking to some girl you see next night your out but with no intention of trying to ask her out for a date or kissing her. Use it as practice and see how it goes. Talk to her about simple things. Don't try to be smart or funny. Just relax and keep it simple.

If it goes well, then use that as a foundation for more socialising with girls and gain confidence the more you do it.

Good luck.

mikemac

kraggy wrote: »

Maybe he can't lose weight. Some people are just heavy and that's it.

Your post has some good advice but I don't buy the above.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055255375
Check this out.
Over 60 other boardsie's entered so you're among friends:)

YogiBear

If you're really unhappy about your weight, that's somewhere to start.. go out there and do something about it.. join weightwatchers and even if you don't lose ALL the weight, at least make an effort with people in the same boat as you who will be really supportive & you'll feel so much better if you achieve even some weight loss! I don't agree that some people are just heavy and can't do anything about it.. if you're just big boned, that's a different story but if you're genuinely overweight, losing some of the weight will make you feel better about yourself, in that a) you've achieved something and b) you'll feel healthier = more self esteem.
Best of luck anyway mister, believe in yourself!!!!

Handsome Bob

I am 20 but basically in the same situation as yourself. The key is that you have to want to lose weight for yourself. There are plenty of times I tried to lose weight to make other people happy but always wilted. Then a year and a half ago something just clicked inside me, I resolved that I was sick of being self conscious when out with my mates. I was 16 stone at 18. I am down to 12 now. For me it is a slow process because I am doing my own exercise, and as I am a student I don't have the fiancial clout to try proper diets, but I am getting there. Just make sure if you do decide to lose weight yo're doing it for you and no-one else.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

lonelyboy wrote: »

I'm 30 years of age and I have never had a girl friend , believe it or not I have never even kissed a girl.I feel my social development has been stunted because I am fat and have been most of my life so I have a very poor self image and low self esteem.Whenever I go out for a night I feel very uncomfortable because i'm so shy and even if I had to confidence to go up to talk to a girl I fancied I wouldn't able to hold a mature conversation.I see guys 10 years younger who are so confident and chatty without a bother in the world .I mean what do you talk to girls about when your out.I also have fearful thoughts of if I ever do eventually have a girlfriend won't she find my past situation weird

**** happens, be optimistic. Women are attracted to optimism and it's surprisingly easy to pull off.

The trick with communication is the non-verbal stuff. Eye-contact, smile. Offer a genuine compliment. If you go out tonight, make it a goal to at least compliment three women, even if you don't engage in a conversation.

davyjose

lonelyboy wrote: »

I mean what do you talk to girls about when your out.

Thr trick is to let them talk, listen, and then respond. Easy.

Mike...

lonelyboy wrote: »

I'm 30 years of age and I have never had a girl friend , believe it or not I have never even kissed a girl.I feel my social development has been stunted because I am fat and have been most of my life so I have a very poor self image and low self esteem.Whenever I go out for a night I feel very uncomfortable because i'm so shy and even if I had to confidence to go up to talk to a girl I fancied I wouldn't able to hold a mature conversation.I see guys 10 years younger who are so confident and chatty without a bother in the world .I mean what do you talk to girls about when your out.I also have fearful thoughts of if I ever do eventually have a girlfriend won't she find my past situation weird

You sound like someone I knew in England, we all though he was gay, no offense, he wasn't(i think), however he has a good enough life, been all over the world, he also looks younger than his bro who is 5 years younger than him and married with kids, don't think about it too much, follow what your interested in and through that you'll make friends and possibly meet someone.