The Worm

Stompbox

There was once a man who collected worms. He kept them in worm-farms (Which are very much like ant arms) around his home, and he had samples of every variety of worm in the world, except one. The African Igelysqigely worm.

So, he saved up his money, and went on a trip to africa. After months of searching, he found an Igelysqigely worm, and put it in a matchbox, then he flew home.

He got home, opened the matchbox, looked inside, and the Igelysqigely worm was gone.

So, he went on another trip to africa. After months of searching, he found an Igelysqigely worm, and put it in a matchbox, then put the matchbox in an ice cream container, then he flew home.

He got home, opened the ice cream container, opened the matchbox, looked inside, and the Igelysqigely worm was gone.

So, he went on another trip to africa. After months of searching, he found an Igelysqigely worm, and put it in a matchbox, then put the matchbox in an ice cream container, then put the ice cream container in a shoe box then he flew home.

He got home, opened the shoe box, opened the ice cream container, opened the matchbox, looked inside, and the Igelysqigely worm was gone.

So, he went on another trip to africa. After months of searching, he found an Igelysqigely worm, and put it in a matchbox, then put the matchbox in an ice cream container, put the ice cream container in a shoe box, and put the shoe box in a hat box, then he flew home.

He got home, opened the hat box, opened the shoe box, opened the ice cream container, opened the matchbox, looked inside, and the Igelysqigely worm was gone.

So, he went on another trip to africa. After months of searching, he found an Igelysqigely worm, and put it in a matchbox, then put the matchbox in an ice cream container, put the ice cream container in a shoe box, put the shoe box in a hat box, put the hat box in a suitcase, then he flew home.

He got home, opened the suitcase, opened the hat box, opened the shoe box, opened the ice cream container, opened the matchbox, looked inside, and the Igelysqigely worm was gone.

So, he went on another trip to africa. After months of searching, he found an Igelysqigely worm, and put it in a matchbox, then put the matchbox in an ice cream container, put the ice cream container in a shoe box, put the shoe box in a hat box, put the hat box in a suitcase, put the suitcase in a trunk, then he flew home.

He got home, opened the trunk, opened the suitcase, opened the hat box, opened the shoe box, opened the ice cream container, opened the matchbox, looked inside, and the Igelysqigely worm was gone.

So, he went on another trip to africa. After months of searching, he found an Igelysqigely worm, and put it in a matchbox, then put the matchbox in an ice cream container, put the ice cream container in a shoe box, put the shoe box in a hat box, put the hat box in a suitcase, put the suitcase in a trunk, put the trunk in a crate, then he flew home.

He got home, opened the crate, opened the trunk, opened the suitcase, opened the hat box, opened the shoe box, opened the ice cream container, opened the matchbox, looked inside, and the Igelysqigely worm was gone.

So, he went on another trip to africa. After months of searching, he found an Igelysqigely worm, and put it in a matchbox, then put the matchbox in an ice cream container, put the ice cream container in a shoe box, put the shoe box in a hat box, put the hat box in a suitcase, put the suitcase in a trunk, put the trunk in a crate, put the crate in a lorry container, then he flew home.

He got home, opened the lorry container, opened the crate, opened the trunk, opened the suitcase, opened the hat box, opened the shoe box, opened the ice cream container, opened the matchbox, looked inside, and the Igelysqigely worm was gone.

Just as he was preparing for his next trip to Africa, he boarded the plane, went into the bathroom to get a drink, turned on the tap, and guess what came out?



Water.

Karoma

I suppose you think that's funny, don't you?! ¬_¬

Stompbox

Karoma wrote: »

I suppose you think that's funny, don't you?! ¬_¬

Long live the anti-joke!

There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.

Jimbo

Three men walk into a bar. Two go and find a seat while the other heads to the bar to buy the first round. As he approaches the barman, the barman can't help but notice how well-to-do this man looks. He is covered head to toe in the finest garments and jewelry, he is even wearing a crown, a monacle, and carrying a septre. In short, all the trappings of a cartoon billionaire.
As the bar man is pulling the pints he remarsk to the gentlemen: "I hope you dont think I'm prying, but, I couldn't help but notice you seem pretty well off. How, may I ask did you come into such a fortune?"

the man replies:" Well, me and my friends over there found a genie in a beer bottle outside, and he granted us each a wish"

barman:"So, I take it you wished to be the richest man in the world"

The man puts one finger on his nose, and points at the barman with the other hand, as you would in a game of charades

barman:" Not a bad choice at all if i do say so"

The man nods politely, pays for the round and goes over to his friends

After a while, the second man goes up to the bar. This man is noteable only insofar as he can barely be seen for all the beautifull woman drapped around him, seemingly caressing every available inch of his body.

he orders another round which the barman dutifully pulls. As he finishes off the last pint he can't help but comment: "I hope you don't mind me asking but, you are a friend of that wealthy gentlemen over there aren't you?"

"I am indeed" murmurs the man from beneath the pile of beauties.

"And you wished to be the most attractive man in the world"

"Pretty much, yeah"

"Excellent choice sir, enjoy your round" says the barman with the kind of knowing smile you tend to see on people vicariously appreciating the implied sexual exploits of a stranger.

So he shuffles back to the table and him and his friends have their drinks.
Not long later the third man approaches the bar and asks for another round. The barman cannot help but notice this man has an orange for a head. But he carries on pulling the pints in silence, untill he cannot contain himself any longer and asks

"You found the genie too right?"


"That's correct" replies the man with an orange for a head.

"And what did you wish for, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I wished to have an orange for a head"

mickrourke

I think Anti-Jokes should be posted in the Anti-Humour forum

Hagar

Some days this forum is as anti-humour as it gets.

It BeeMee

jimbo78 wrote: »

Three men walk into a bar. Two go and find a seat while the other heads to the bar to buy the first round. As he approaches the barman, the barman can't help but notice how well-to-do this man looks. He is covered head to toe in the finest garments and jewelry, he is even wearing a crown, a monacle, and carrying a septre. In short, all the trappings of a cartoon billionaire.
As the bar man is pulling the pints he remarsk to the gentlemen: "I hope you dont think I'm prying, but, I couldn't help but notice you seem pretty well off. How, may I ask did you come into such a fortune?"

the man replies:" Well, me and my friends over there found a genie in a beer bottle outside, and he granted us each a wish"

barman:"So, I take it you wished to be the richest man in the world"

The man puts one finger on his nose, and points at the barman with the other hand, as you would in a game of charades

barman:" Not a bad choice at all if i do say so"

The man nods politely, pays for the round and goes over to his friends

After a while, the second man goes up to the bar. This man is noteable only insofar as he can barely be seen for all the beautifull woman drapped around him, seemingly caressing every available inch of his body.

he orders another round which the barman dutifully pulls. As he finishes off the last pint he can't help but comment: "I hope you don't mind me asking but, you are a friend of that wealthy gentlemen over there aren't you?"

"I am indeed" murmurs the man from beneath the pile of beauties.

"And you wished to be the most attractive man in the world"

"Pretty much, yeah"

"Excellent choice sir, enjoy your round" says the barman with the kind of knowing smile you tend to see on people vicariously appreciating the implied sexual exploits of a stranger.

So he shuffles back to the table and him and his friends have their drinks.
Not long later the third man approaches the bar and asks for another round. The barman cannot help but notice this man has an orange for a head. But he carries on pulling the pints in silence, untill he cannot contain himself any longer and asks

"You found the genie too right?"


"That's correct" replies the man with an orange for a head.

"And what did you wish for, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I wished to have an orange for a head"

Damn, I was expecting a foot-high little man to hop out of his pocket and start playing the piano.....

mickrourke

It BeeMee wrote: »

Damn, I was expecting a foot-high little man to hop out of his pocket and start playing the piano.....

No, that's a REAL joke you're thinking of (and a dirty one at that), not a 'oh ffs!' anti-joke

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the trail of corn led that way.

It BeeMee

mickrourke wrote: »

No, that's a REAL joke you're thinking of (and a dirty one at that), not a 'oh ffs!' anti-joke

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the trail of corn led that way.

Oh i get the drift.

Whats the difference between a duck?
One of his legs are both the same.


You mean that kind of thing?

- or -

2 pigs were in a bath.
"Hey, pass me the soap"
"what do you think I am, a typewriter?"

Stompbox

Spot on yeah.My fav anti-joke would have to be:

What did Batman say to Robin to get him into the batmobile?

'Robin,get in the batmobile'

Jimbo

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Most poems rhyme
But this one doesn't

longshanks

two goldfish are in their tank
one says to the other
you man the guns, i'll drive

Mahatma coat

whats Green and Invisible



























that Cabbage


< no thats fine, I dont need a blindfold, just stand by this pole you say

The Bollox

A man walks into a bar. His name is Steve, he's an alcoholic. it's ruining his marriage and destroying his life

Homer

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

The police. Your entire family was killed in a car wreck.

Wreck

industria wrote: »

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

The police. Your entire family was killed in a car, Wreck.

patmac

Wreck wrote: »

I see where you oming from wreck, get him back with this one:
Knock-knock.

Who's there?

The police. Your entire family was killed in an industrial accident.

rocky25

:rolleyes:

patmac wrote: »

Your entire family was killed in an industria accident.

:rolleyes:


He he:rolleyes:



Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.


The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."


The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."


The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."


They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you "


She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...




Wash, Iron, Fcuk, Etc."

Stompbox

A lot of the jokes here aren't anti-jokes,an anti-joke is based on the surprise factor of absence of an expected joke or of a punch line in a narration which is set up as a joke.

A classic example is : 'Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

Insect Overlord

What did Hitler say before his men got into their tanks?



















"Get into your tanks, men"

The Bollox

An Fhile wrote: »

What did Hitler say before his men got into their tanks?



















"Get into your tanks, men"

he would have said "Erhalten Sie in Ihre Behälter, Männer"

rocky25

Sweet wrote: »

'Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road."
And the Chicken crossed the road,
and there was much rejoicing

Mahatma coat

what did Hanibal Say when he saw the Elephants coming across the Alps























"oh look here come the Elephants"

Mahatma coat

what did Hanibal say when he saw the elephnats coming across the alps wearing Hats and sunglasses?































nothing, he didnt recognise them.

rocky25

Mahatma coat wrote: »

what did Hanibal say when he saw the elephnats coming across the alps wearing Hats and sunglasses?
nothing, he didnt recognise them.

Did ya know beyond the Alps lie more Alps
and the Lord Alps those who Alps themselves.
Groucho Mark ( THE KING )

Wacker

I just told The Worm to my sister and her friend. It got the greatest reaction ever. It will now be a regular in my repetoire (sp?). Op, thank you!

Capt'n Midnight

The Bollox wrote: »

he would have said "Erhalten Sie in Ihre Behälter, Männer"

"Erhalten Sie in Ihre panzer, Männer"

The Bollox

why are there no aspirin in the jungle?










it would be financially unsound to try and sell pharmicuticals in a largely unpopulated rainforest

dak

rocky25 wrote: »

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road."
And the Chicken crossed the road,
and there was much rejoicing

And God said to all the chickens
Bring these 2 loafs over the road and feed the masses
But they kept getting run over
and KFC rejoiced
But there was much bread left over