I really like this girl but I'm too shy etc

2selfconscious

hi been reading for a while and seen some good advice on here so thought id post even though my problem is very small next to sum on here.
long story short when i was 16 we hung around with this group of girls one of them i really liked and every1 said she did too but i was too shy and self conscious to do anything about it...im 20 now and only seen her a couple of times since then and shes been with sum 1...ran into her in town on sat night and my friends thought she liked me but again i choked:D shes going to my best friends 21st but i got her number off another friend and am wondering should i text her???(or will she think im weird,how did u get my no. etc) or should i just wait for the party next month??

Cuddlesworth

Ring her and ask her to go to the movies. Don't text, its impersonal and you want to make a connection. If she says no move on.

Wibbs

Agreed. Do NOT text. It looks feeble. Maybe you should wait until you go to the party. When you go to the party go over and strike up a convo and take it from there. Ask her out somewhere not too heavy. No four course meals or anything. Maybe meetup for a coffee and then to the flicks. Give her a couple of choices as to what flick to see. Don't say "ah sure whatever you like to see". Make it casual but straight up and if she seems uninterested, make a nice jokey reply.

The only thing is that in the interim she could hook with someone so maybe strike while the iron is hot. Since you have mutual friends it seems, maybe go at the weekend with a few mates where she goes and take it from there. Just keep it casual if you do this though. Wait for the party.

Miss Fluff

Phone her and ask her if she is going to the party:)

Overheal

Phone her, ask her hows shes been; catch up with her; ask her if she's going to the party. etc. If the conversation is going profoundly well ask if she wants to hook up for coffee.

Victor

Overheal wrote: »

ask if she wants to hook up for coffee.

... to catch up on old times.

Suggestion: treat her like a human being, not a hottie.

Xavi6

I'd wait til after the party. Use that as an opportunity to get her one on one for a chat and test the water. Then ring her a few days later to see if she had a good time etc and if she fancies a movie sometime.

vincenzo1975

dont wait for the party before you make contact, because if she goes with someone or starts chatting to someone, you will be crushed and wont get your chance.

try and talk to her mates if you can to let them know you are interested and find out if she is, if she is ask them to subtly pass it on that you like her.

Either that or ring her and be straight about it, ask her if she wants to do something casual like the flicks, no night out or rake of drink the first time.

just make contact before the party.

Overheal

Victor wrote: »

... to catch up on old times.

Suggestion: treat her like a human being, not a hottie.

right, excuse my americanism 'hookup'. Take Victors advice.

LegacyUser

I've been in quite a similar situation myself recently OP, social night where i was told by many people this really lovely girl from another course in college showed many of the usual signs of interest ( body facing to me, playing with hair etc ) yet i didn't recognise them, anyway i got her number from someone, and initiated contact and she wondered where i got it from, i just said someone who thought i might like it, which i do.

Now at the next social coming up soon i've asked her for one to one dance lessons from her ( which i was told was a really good move on my part ) but i'm gonna ask her to a movie and see what happens. I've gone the better half of 20 years without so much as kissing a female so i think it's better late than never to start.

Don't leave it until it's too late is what i'm getting at, if you like her then GO FOR IT !!

2selfconscious

thanks for the helpful replies lads:) i knew what ye were gonna say just needed sum1 to say get ur head out of ur ass , ill give her a text(i know its feeble:D but more casual i think) tommorow and see what the story is.
thanks

biko

Text? After all the posts suggesting you ring?

Shy = fear of rejection. We all have that fear but some have the guts to do things the rest only dream about.
You need to put yourself on the line - timid boys never get to kiss beautiful girls.
m2c

LegacyUser

Hey there,

This thread is funny coz I was gona post one just like it, except my problem is that the guy who's texting me is the one who's really shy and I don't know how to react sometimes. Speaking as somebody who's on the recieving end of shyness I can honestly tell you that acting awkwardly only causes tension and makes the girl feel uneasy. You sound like a very sensitive and cool guy, you've no need to have such low self esteem. I don't see the problem with texting her, ringing is a lil daunting if it's as random as this. The guy I'm currently texting sat beside me on a night out, was left alone with me and just sat there and smiled but barely spoke. He was painfully shy. Next day I got a text from him, he told me my friend passed on my number and he hoped I didn't mind. He was polite about the whole thing and hasn't once treated me like I'm just a play thing. It's actually the first time a guy has ever made me feel like I had something unique to offer rather than a one night stand or a meaningless fling. I'm just trying to make you realise that by being so thoughtful and sensitive you are so much more valuable to any real lady than somebody who does the "hey how u doing??... wink wink, nudge, nudge" thing!! Go ahead and text her. She's just another human being afterall and you are both equal. Remember that. Good luck

Overheal

I never got to kiss a girl by getting timid son. And texting flies in the face of this pool of PI experience: and having read from everyones posts over the last 18 months since i joined up I can tells ya they (and sometimes even I) know what we're talking about. Personally I'd grab my balls by the horns and make the phone call. I've done it in the past and I can attest, it delivers.

Wibbs

Femaleview wrote: »

This thread is funny coz I was gona post one just like it, except my problem is that the guy who's texting me is the one who's really shy and I don't know how to react sometimes. Speaking as somebody who's on the recieving end of shyness I can honestly tell you that acting awkwardly only causes tension and makes the girl feel uneasy. You sound like a very sensitive and cool guy, you've no need to have such low self esteem.

Good advice, because even if the woman is attracted to you, even if she's attracted by your shyness as she's irritated with the guys who are chancers, you have got to escalate your interaction or she will get píssed off.

You'll be in the territory of "he's a lovely guy, but I just don't feel the spark for him the way I thought". A very common thing to hear. Game over.

This may yet happen with Femaleview, even though he treats her with respect, if he stays in shy mode I suspect she will get frustrated. It's already happening as she says her self. She is attracted to his politeness and decency, for want of a better word and presumably she likes the look of him to. So far so good, but his shyness is putting her very early on into the position of her not knowing how to react. She's having to do too much work and sooner or later if he doesn't grab the bull by the horns even in a little way, or attract her with his personality, then she will lose interest. That confusion in how to react will eat into the attraction. She will lose interest if she's the one doing all the running. It'll be nice for a while as he seems like a nice guy and treats her differently, but when it becomes work then she'll be gone or any relationship will falter.

He was polite about the whole thing and hasn't once treated me like I'm just a play thing. It's actually the first time a guy has ever made me feel like I had something unique to offer rather than a one night stand or a meaningless fling.

Which he should and as an individual you do have something unique to offer. It shouldn't have to be a surprise that you meet a man like that, but often it is.

I'm just trying to make you realise that by being so thoughtful and sensitive you are so much more valuable to any real lady than somebody who does the "hey how u doing??... wink wink, nudge, nudge" thing!!

I agree but it depends on the woman in question and it's not one thing or the other. If you're a "how U doin type", or an over sensitive emo, the emo is technically the better way to be although the "how U doin" type will tend to get more attention, ironically enough. There's a balance you need to strike. You need to be confident in what you want and have the ability and desire to follow that. Not arrogant. That's where the how U doin type falls down. The emo falls down by having the desire, but not having the balls to follow through. Balance is everything.

Go ahead and text her. She's just another human being afterall and you are both equal. Remember that. Good luck

If you do text her, keep it light. I still think "bumping" into her, followed by a call is the better way.

TEDDYBEAR90

Wibbs wrote: »

Good advice, because even if the woman is attracted to you, even if she's attracted by your shyness as she's irritated with the guys who are chancers, you have got to escalate your interaction or she will get píssed off.

You'll be in the territory of "he's a lovely guy, but I just don't feel the spark for him the way I thought". A very common thing to hear. Game over.

This may yet happen with Femaleview, even though he treats her with respect, if he stays in shy mode I suspect she will get frustrated. It's already happening as she says her self. She is attracted to his politeness and decency, for want of a better word and presumably she likes the look of him to. So far so good, but his shyness is putting her very early on into the position of her not knowing how to react. She's having to do too much work and sooner or later if he doesn't grab the bull by the horns even in a little way, or attract her with his personality, then she will lose interest. That confusion in how to react will eat into the attraction. She will lose interest if she's the one doing all the running. It'll be nice for a while as he seems like a nice guy and treats her differently, but when it becomes work then she'll be gone or any relationship will falter.

Which he should and as an individual you do have something unique to offer. It shouldn't have to be a surprise that you meet a man like that, but often it is. I agree but it depends on the woman in question and it's not one thing or the other. If you're a "how U doin type", or an over sensitive emo, the emo is technically the better way to be although the "how U doin" type will tend to get more attention, ironically enough. There's a balance you need to strike. You need to be confident in what you want and have the ability and desire to follow that. Not arrogant. That's where the how U doin type falls down. The emo falls down by having the desire, but not having the balls to follow through. Balance is everything.
If you do text her, keep it light. I still think "bumping" into her, followed by a call is the better way.

I agree with this. I met up with a guy I liked for a coffee a couple of months ago. He was sending me mixed messages the whole time.
First he told me he was a bit nervous about meeting up with me(sounded promising because you don't get nervous about meeting your friends),then a really good looking blonde girl walked past us and he was blatently checking her out(not something you do on a date). So i was like hmmm! whats going on here? Does this guy like me or what? It was a total headwreck. Then there was the awkward bus stop moment when we were saying goodbye(not helped by the fact I was unclear as to whether I was on a date or not!;) Just gave him a hug because of all the confusion.
So what im saying is if you like her TELL HER. Be straight with her. Don't be half hearted about it. And dont give mixed signals. Its better to try and to fail than to never have tried at all!
Good luck

Wibbs

Agreed mixed signals are bad.

OK what follows is of course dealing in generalisations and entirely my humble....

A lot of "sensitive" guys can go the other way though. IE Over the top. I would suggest easing up on telling her how you feel. Sounds mad? It's not. That stuff is fine and indeed required if you have a relationship with the woman. Otherwise telling her too early in too obvious a manner and way too many women will turn off and you won't get to have the relationship with her. I have heard women actually state "I fancied him more before I knew he liked me way more than I thought".

I've seen guys make this mistake a lot and then wonder why the woman cools off.

The thing is with your first interaction the chances are good she'll know how you feel. More to the point she'll know that you may want to take it further and ask her out(unless you're standing around staring at your shoes, but even then....). Let's assume she spots this and women are far better at spotting this than men. Many may say they're not, but they are. It's just that they may not be able to tell if you want to get the leg over or want something more. Put it another way by the time a woman is in her 20's she's been chatted up, approached(drunkenly or otherwise) by many more of the opposite sex than a guy of the same age. Look at the threads were women complain about going out of a night and having drunken blokes come over. Not too many men will or could complain about the same thing. By comparison to blokes they have to know more.

To get this woman interested you have to be different. Now everyones different, but a lot of men do the same things the same way. If you look at Femaleview's post, what got her attention and interest was this guy treated her with politeness and respect. Very good, but what will cool her off is that he's not following through when she has stuck her neck out and shown interest. He's got her interest but he will not keep it if he doesn't step up.

Now for the OP; it appears she liked the look of you back in the day. Maybe even liked the shy part of you. OK cool. Now when you meet her again, keep that quiet aspect(won't be hard ), but add to it a confidence in talking to her. She may remember the shy awkward guy and see that the intervening years have given you confidence. Don't worry if they haven't, fake it for the moment. Let her talk about herself and what she likes. If she starts down the road of heavy emotional personal stuff, try to steer it to more fun stuff. Ask her about music, food, movies, where she went on holidays last and where she would like to go in the future etc.

As far as telling her you like her. She'll know already if you're asking her out. When you do go out show her you like her, by being courteous, fun and interested in her. If the date goes well ask her out again at the end of it. Rinse and repeat. Show her who you are, don't tell her. It speaks far louder.

My rambling 2 cents anyway.

RedXIV

OP, if you do decide to text, don't do what one of my mates used to do and send an essay on the first text. texts are good when they are witty and to the point. Otherwise they can be annoying, frustrating, drawn out or completely useless. Hence all the advice not to use them. If you are waiting till the party to talk to this girl, take the time out to think about how you're going to approach this. People who are shy often complain about having no idea what to talk about so have a mental list prepared. doesn't have to be amazing, just things like what happened when ye were in school, friends you've mislaid, any kind of crap that you can remember. And when you talk to her, make her laugh. i've never met a woman yet complain about a guy who could make her laugh. even if you make a terrible joke, if she laughs you know you've practically won the battle

BEST OF LUCK!!!!

vincenzo1975

heres an angle, if you have not already thought of one. get onto her and say you heard she was going to the party from your mate. This immediatly shows you are interested.

ask her if she has bought your mate a present yet, and ask her will she help you go get him a present. This will show her you are thoughful and generous. Tell her it will be a good opportunity to catch up.

girls will Never turn down the opportunity of shopping, and you get your date.

RedXIV

vincenzo1975 wrote: »

heres an angle, if you have not already thought of one. get onto her and say you heard she was going to the party from your mate. This immediatly shows you are interested.

ask her if she has bought your mate a present yet, and ask her will she help you go get him a present. This will show her you are thoughful and generous. Tell her it will be a good opportunity to catch up.

girls will Never turn down the opportunity of shopping, and you get your date.

......You sly B*****d, that's genius!