How do you know when to say goodbye?

watna

Hi, I just wanted to hear what people thought/people's experiences.

My family cat has been diagnosed with kidney failure. Only %50 of his kidney's are working. He's on tablets and can only eat chicken/rabbit or special food. At the moment he is still happy, still social and still purring away when with us. He just happily ate a good few small pieces of chicken.

Over the last few days we've noticed his back legs aren't really working. He's limping a lot and needs help to get up on beds etc. He's got very weak.

My parents are away for the next 12 days and I'm terrified I'll have to bring him down to the vet to be put down all by myself but I also don't want to elongate his life if it is cruel. I just dread the thought of my parents not being there and me having to ring to tell them. They'll be devestated they weren't they to say goodbye (although they did say goodbye caefully when they left). Plus if I have to do it alone I'll fall apart.

I was just wondering when do you know that it is the end? That is is time to have him put down? I don't want him to suffer.

He's 16. I've had him since I was 8 years old so I'm quite upset so I hope this thread makes sense!

Pianist2891

Hello there. Having been through something very similar last year, I can only tell you what I know and my own experience. My cat was with me only 2 and a half years, but my whole world revolved around her (mad, I know). After having no health problems for 2 years, she suddenly fell ill, and was diagnosed with FIV, kidney failure and basically her health deteriorated over a period of about 3-5 months. I had to watch her go from being a cuddly 6 year old cat, very very human orientated, to being weak on her legs, very morose and VERY skinny. My wonderful vet and I tried everything we could do, but then a day came when she stopped eating completely, tried absolutely everything, and she wouldn't eat. She also stopped moving, she would sit in the one spot for hours, and just look at me as if to say she was fed up of medicines, of this miserable existance. So I took her to my vet and said goodbye to her. She was only 7 and I somehow imagined she'd grow old in my care. 8 months later I miss her terribly, and talk about her to my other half everyday, but the pain and sadness has been replaced by a sense of peace that she is still in our memories in our thoughts, and for the happiness she brought us. I am glad I wasn't selfish enough to put her through misery of being so ill simply because I didn't want her to physically not be there anymore. It is selfish to prolong the life of an animal simply because YOU can't bear to see them go.

I think you know deep down if the time has come. You are so so lucky your cat is 16, you have had him for such a long time and I really feel for you. Your cat is also lucky that he is so loved. Please PM me if you need ANY help, advice or depending on where you are in Dublin someone to talk to!

Best Wishes
Kay

watna

Thank you very much for your response and thank for your PM. It's always people who had treasured pets who understand.

You're right, he's 16 which is a great age and he had a great, pampered life! He is almost 80 in human years after all. I've just moved back home after almost 2 years of living away so I think I suppose I should be greatful for the timing, especially as I'm moving abroad soon. It's good to spend time with him now.

He's got a lot sleepier and as you said above is very very skinny. He used to be a very big cat, he's a big tom and was a ferocious hunter in his youth so it's always upsetting to see him frail like this.

He still seems happy enough. He's lying next to me on my bed, having come up here himself to join me and he's still eating. I suppose you're right and I'll know when he stops eating, gets weaker and just seems to give up.

I'm sorry to hear about your cat. I know how hard it is. It sounds like he was very loved anyway.

Pianist2891

You will absolutely know when he wants to go, I think from talking to vets and people who have been in similar situations, if its one regret people DO usually have its that they waiting "too long" rather than ended their beloved animal's suffering too soon. Remember, this cat has been with you and given you so much these past 8 years, the very least you can do is give him a dignified and peaceful passing when the time comes. And yes it will be very very painful (for you) but the best thing for him. And in time, the pain at losing your dear friend will be replaced by a fondness of all the memories and quirkiness that the cat showed when with you. Good luck!

kraggy

Hiya Watna,

Very strange to read your post tonight cause today is the 2nd anniversary of my fella Sammy (lab/retriever) who died of the same thing your cat has.

Sammy had been put on low protein food for a few weeks after he started getting sick. We tried the equivalent of dialysis a couple of times to see if his kidneys could be given some help in the hope that they'd start working by themselves and be able to digest the low protein food on their own. But they couldn't. The build up of urea in his blood returned and I talked to the vet and asked him what would he do if it was his dog. He said it was time to let him go and so I said goodbye to him on the grass outside the vet and brought him back in and he was put to sleep. To say it broke my heart would be understatement of the century.

But what really helped was the fact that the vet cut a lock of his hair off and I still have it today. Also, and probably the thing that helped most, was that I had him individually cremated and he now sits in a sealed box on the mantlepiece at home beside a picture of him in the sea. I found this really helped as now I have him forever, though admittedly, in a different form.

I would really recommend this. It cost about 200 euro to have him put to sleep and cremated. The box is simple but nice and has his name engraved on a sliver plate attached to the box. It sounds mad, but I often look at the picture and pick up the box and say "hiya sammy" and he still feels close. Much closer than if he was just taken by the vet and "disposed of".

Talk to your vet and ask him/her if they think it's time.

If it is, then the greatest love you can give your little friend is to let them go. It's hard, but you'll look back and realise you did the right thing.

Hope it's not too hard, though you have them since you were even younger than I had Sammy so it will be. But cherish the good times and have him cremated and that way he'll be with you forever. But bring a friend for support as he's been a large part of your life and you will be sad.

But remember, it's for the best.

Best wishes.

RoseBlossom

kraggy wrote: »

Hiya Watna,

Very strange to read your post tonight cause today is the 2nd anniversary of my fella Sammy (lab/retriever) who died of the same thing your cat has.

Sammy had been put on low protein food for a few weeks after he started getting sick. We tried the equivalent of dialysis a couple of times to see if his kidneys could be given some help in the hope that they'd start working by themselves and be able to digest the low protein food on their own. But they couldn't. The build up of urea in his blood returned and I talked to the vet and asked him what would he do if it was his dog. He said it was time to let him go and so I said goodbye to him on the grass outside the vet and brought him back in and he was put to sleep. To say it broke my heart would be understatement of the century.

This happened with our beautiful dog last year too. She was a new doggy after being put on the "dialysis" and loved the low-protein food (having been off her food for a while). For a few weeks she really bounced back but in the end she took a turn and we had to let her go. It was so hard (I still get teary thinking of it ) but as has been said, I would feel worse if we let her go on.

Watna, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. The important thing is whether your kitty is happy/comfortable at the moment. I think if he deteriorated while your parents were away you'd be able to make the decision. The best think you could do is to enjoy the time you have now knowing that you will do your best for if or him when the time comes.

Hi there. I think the fact that you wrote at all means deep down you really know the time has come. My boxer was put to sleep almost 3 weeks ago aged nearly 13. I was inconsolable. He was blind for a good while but that was OK because he knew where everything was. Just all of a sudden he refused to come for walks and for the last day or so was totally disorientated, very upsetting to see. So I knew deep down the time had come no matter how hard it as for me. We buried him in the garden, and my other boxer tried to stop us. How could you not cry at that? So, my thoughts are with you and it does get better. In fact I already got a new boxer puppy.