Having a sad day :(

Mr. Incognito

My dad died of prostate cancer Jan 15th. I guess it takes a while for these things to sink in. I've been really angry at people close to me lately and I know I'v retreated into myself. I guess it's like a box you put in the back of you mind and take it out every once in a while to deal with another part of it.

Little things set me off and I feel like it's selfish talking to anyone as everyone has their own **** and my problem is well, my problem. Don't like bringing it up with family as I don't want to bum them out either. I was an only son and now I've my Mum and two sisters relying on me I suppose. Most day's I'm grand but today, well, I just need a hug.

Dragan

Sorry to hear about that bro.

Have a man hug mate.

Quality

Heres a big hug and a cuddle...


((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))

Time is the best healer.

star-pants

It's tough hun, but you can always post away here if you can't talk to others. There'll always be hugs and understanding.
Stay strong
*HUG*

Nevyn

Differnt people process grief in different ways and it can take anything from 3 to 6 months for that process to start esp if a person is busy looking after others.

You have lost a parent, your Dad that is going to take a long while to get used to and feeling like you have to be the man of the family will be hard also.

Who can you talk to ?

Make a list of people that will listen and give you the hug you need.

LadyJ

Hey SetantaL.

Sorry to hear about your Dad. It doesn't matter what age you lose a parent at. It's always one of the hardest things in the world. I lost my mother at 11 and even nearly 11 years later I have "sad days". We need to put these things in a box so that we can get on with life. Otherwise it would be too hard. However,taking the box out and dealing with things bit by bit is the best way to cope healthily.

You're doing well. Most people can't bear to look at their grief. Most want to keep the box on a shelf and never touch it again. You are dealing with this in a really good way so keep it up.

You will have these sad days for the rest of your life but at least you will not let the sadness build up behind the scenes and get the better of you some day.

Good luck and sorry for your loss. *hugs*

PS. Make some time to see a therapist if you can. It can be a great help and really do a lot for you in the long run. It's a good way to get your head in order and let off some steam.

simplybikes

Hey man LadyJ is right. You will be all the better for dealing with the grief
in the open. We all deal with grief in our own way and 19 years after I lost my son I still have sad days, I'm having one now after reading your post. But things move on and time is a great healer. Looking back on my earlier dark days I made the mistake of trying to be a man and bottled it up. I realise now that you need a hug and a good cry if that's what it takes.

milod

Sorry to hear about your father mate. My own father was diagnosed about 2 years ago and is on hormone treatment now. But as I'm sure you know, it's like watching a countdown timer and I know it won't be long before I'm in the same place as you are.

You're not alone, so keep talking, and hopefully time will make it easier.

djk1000

I lost my dad a few years ago, the anniversary was yesterday. He went out to play golf on a Sunday morning and had a heart attack, no warning, no ill health before hand. I was the eldest child and a lot of responsibility landed on my shoulders. I had to keep the family on track and together. Sad days happen, I think the only thing I can say about the grief is that it happens less often (if that makes sense). For a few months afterwards, it consumed me. Now, when I think about it, I feel just as sad as ever, but I don't think about it as much.

I didn't deal with my grief for quite a while, it impacted on my relationships and on my business. In the end I was pushed, prodded and pretty much forced by my family to get some councelling.

In heinsight, it was probably the best thing I could have done, my councellor was excellent and brought me slowely out of the dark days.

Get some help, someone to talk to, a professional is the best route because you can really open up without embarrasement or fear, plus a professional understands grief and knows how to help you through it.

Things get better OP, take it from someone that knows

kev_s88

Just keep doing what you are doing.if this is the way you want to release your pain then go for it.i know one of my friends dad's died a few weeks before Xmas and only now is he really starting to come to terms with it.so its completely acceptable to feel like you do now.

anyways just keep at it and hopefully you'll be able to remember your Dad as the great man he was and not get sad when you think about him.

*HUGZ*

The Hill Billy

I've not much to add to what the other posters have said, but here's a * manly hug *

Have yourself a good ol' cry & then chin up & go treat yourself to a pint in memory of your Dad.

tread_softly

I lost my aunt and uncle to cancer within short times of each other last year.

i remember when it happened i cried when i heard the news and then didn't really feel anything.

a few weeks after you'll be thinking about them and it'll set you off.

as mentioned before, everyone reacts differently to grief. don't be angry at yourself and your reactions, it's important to let them happen in their own time and make sure you have someone to talk to if you need to.

i found that i didn't really need to talk to anyone. but now that the grief has passed i enjoy talking to my mum (it was her brother and sister who died) about the fun times we had with them, now i don't really feel that sad anymore and if i do i think about a good moment i spent with them.

Aurora Borealis

There's no formula on when or how a person should grieve. Try to share it with someone though so you can talk about it. Even if it's just a passing "keep thinking about my Dad today". Helps to take you out of yourself just as you're doing by postng on here.

Virtual hugs,


AB

RedXIV

You're doing great man, keep that chin up. I lost an aunt a few years ago and i miss her alot. but i'm a firm believer in Hill Billy's idea of having a quiet pint in memory! if i lose more relations though i suppose i could develop a drinking problem....

MAN HUGS!

karry1412

SetantaL wrote: »

I guess it's like a box you put in the back of you mind and take it out every once in a while to deal with another part of it.

That's the best way I've ever heard grief being described...

I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad. It's perfectly normal to have sad days & I hope you have someone to talk to. Maybe if you talked to your mother or sisters you might find that they are looking for someone to talk to also...

*hugs*

LegacyUser

My dad died very suddenly 2 and a half years ago so I know exactly what you're going through Setanta.

All I can say to you is that the cheesiest line ever - "time is a great healer" - is absolutely true. You're going to have good days, and you're going to have really bad days and you'll have days in a couple of months where the whole thing hits you fully and completely exhausts you. If it gets to a stage where you don't think you can handle it on your own then by all means go and speak to a counseller about it and get yourself sorted but there's nothing weird/odd about what you're going through. The days when you just need a big hug are difficult because you don't want to appear weak in front of your family and friends but think how many times your mates have come to you to talk about their problems. Just talking to your friends about how you're feeling can be such a great help. It's not as though you're burdening them with any great responsibility - it's very easy to listen.

Basically, don't try and battle through it on your own. I tried that. It doesn't work!

Overheal

SetantaL wrote: »

Little things set me off and I feel like it's selfish talking to anyone as everyone has their own **** and my problem is well, my problem. Don't like bringing it up with family as I don't want to bum them out either. I was an only son and now I've my Mum and two sisters relying on me I suppose. Most day's I'm grand but today, well, I just need a hug.

My stepmother died 15 months ago from hypothermia in a ditch. I had the identical idea here: why place your grief on people that are already grieving. We were never really close but she was an integral part of my life. Things you never realize till they're gone, right?
I spent the first 4 months bombing my way out of college and locked away in my room. I came out a much stronger person, yes, but it was a very difficult thing to go through; and when I came out of it I went and I talked - and you notice that its had the same effect on the people you've been avoiding: wishing they could go and say something to you. But most people have that same reaction: that they shouldn't be dumping their grief around.

If you need to talk to someone, or some days you just need that hug, dont be afraid to go ask for it.

cowzerp

Sorry to hear that dude, keep the chin up, talk to the family-it might help them too...

Clare Bear

Sorry to hear what you're going through Setanta. I hope you can find at least one friend who you can sit down with and cry your heart out to. Take care of yourself, *big hugs* x

RuailleBuaille

SetantaL, I've always enjoyed reading your posts, you seem to be a level headed, insightful guy but with the clouds of grief that surround you, you seem to be losing sight of the big picture. You have to allow yourself to grieve. You will be no use to anyone until you start to look after yourself. It is unfair to you to expect to help others deal and keep going if you're struggling yourself. Counselling is a good idea but small things like chatting about your dad with family members can be very healing also. Give yourself time and space to deal, anything buried will only keep resurfacing. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some peace within yourself.
*Big hug*

JuliusCaesar

SetantaL wrote: »

I was an only son and now I've my Mum and two sisters relying on me I suppose.

They may not want you taking on the role...that may be just your own expectations of yourself. How old are they? You might just find they are the best people to have around you at the moment, if you can talk to them, and find out what they want of you.

Otherwise, just HUGS and time.....

McGinty

A big hug to you (((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Anger is a part of the grieving process so allow it to be there, I don't mean to act on it but just be aware that it is a normal emotion to your loss. Like others here I lost a sister two and a half years ago, the first six months I was numb, just focused on college, except for hiding from people, I did that. It hit me with a bang about eight months later because I bottled it away, for me I needed counselling and it has helped me deal with (she committed suicide), but I also went through anger, and it is true time heals I have accepted that she is gone but I still get bouts of where it hits me, I have a good bawl, look for hugs :-) and go with it until the next time, so take care and another hug to you,

DetectivFoxtrot

http://www.boomspeed.com/1631951/hugs05.jpg

*big big hugs*

Stay strong, keep posting on the thread. the best thing is sharing how you feel. x

Ickle Magoo

Big hugs to you SetantaL - it takes a long, long time to get over the death of a loved one. If puting it in a box & taking it out from time to time is how you deal with it, then that's how you deal with it. People deal with grief in different ways - whatever works, that's my motto. Thinking of you. ((((((SetantaL))))))

**Timbuk2**

Try hard to stay positive. Your family will have tough time getting through this by themselves, but if you start getting 'odd' over it, it will be harder

Act strong. Act as if you are made of steel. It takes usually just one strong person to help your family to get through this

Normally I wouldn't suggest bottling up feelings, but for the sake of those coping around you it's probably best. Besides, you don't have to act strong on this forum!

bronte

Very sorry you feel bad, i know it's tough, and it's normal to have the smallest of things set you off.
Big hug to you!
I hope tomorrow's better.