interview reveals weakness

LegacyUser

right so i've perfect grades, little miss volunteer for causes, awarded scholarships, solid work experience and im a mature capable person. so why can i never calm down and stop worrying im not god enough? i've recently had an interview thats very important to me that'll let me travel, receive further education and good enough pay and its the perfect stepping stone to my ideal career. i wont know for a week or two if i've got it. the company that set me up with the interview literally rang me after to say the interviewers said i came off well (and strangely that i looked like a movie star at it lol) and to relax.
any time i've had anything important to me, i mean really important, the type of thing that keeps you up at night ect i've failed or got 2nd or 3rd as it were but not quite there. Things like winning at a sport competition when i was younger or getting that extra ten points in the leaving to do x course, i havnt made it. i've always found a way around it, do y course so i can end up with x degree but i secretly feel like a fraud. i have very little confidence.
my interview went well, i spoke to others about how theirs went... one froze ...one didnt have an answer to a very simple question that if i was him i'd just pick my stuff up and leave....but all i want to do is cry now, im holding back tears. im so scared of what my family/friends/peers will think if i dont get it.
i just want to know how to make it through the next week or so before i hear back? my hearts in my mouth the whole time and i feel as if if i dont get accepted by this crowd into their programme i'l lose ALL confidence i have. i can see logically i've lots going for me but that just doesnt seem to connect up with how i feel about myself.
what can i do? its all in their hands i know that but how can i pull myself together incase they say no and it crashes around me?

antoinolachtnai

Apply for the next best thing. That way you have a backup plan.

Really, there's something out there that's just as good, maybe better.

You've got the basic act down by the sounds of it. You do the best you can, you don't do as well as you'd like to, but you do pretty well and you can pick yourself up, pat yourself down and you try again. Keep doing it and you'll score big-time, but it might take a while.

If you can keep doing this, you are no fraud. Practice smiling and being proud of yourself.

Glad to hear you looked like a movie star!

Overheal

I think its important to hit rock bottom a few times personally. It keeps you grounded in reality.

For starters, head to the local rental store and fetch a copy of The Pursuit of Happiness. It sounds like you are in the perfect frame of mind to watch this one. Its one of my favorites.

It sounds to me that you've become so used to setting the bar so high for yourself that you see failure in relative terms. For example, Failing wasnt failing the leaving cert (for me): failing would have been if I didnt go back into 6th year and try again. Now I have the course I wanted. I would say the same thing about college to be honest.

Its natural to consider what will happen if you fail at something and you should. What happens if you fail a sports event? Ultimately: nothing. You forget about the consequences with a couple weeks. Failing college? I'd have to move home and start from scratch. A bitch, but hardly the end of the world.

The more you can visualise what you do if you fail a goal, you end up worrying less about failing the goal. Right now I imagine you're seeing the failure as something foreign and frightening. For a kid this might seem like a monster under the bed. For an adult it can feel like a numbing dread. But the more you put a human face on it the less it scares you; the less it stresses you; and the calmer you are about tackling your goals.

edit: theres also something to be said for placing things up on a pedestal. If you don't accept that your hopes goals and dreams are subject to change/failure then you're going to have big problems.

Miss Fluff

Sometimes you don't obtain the things you want, or the things you think you want, immediately. Sometimes it means taking the scenic route. Life is an adventure and you have yours ahead of you so stop wasting it away stressing about everything. Best case scenario is you get the job, great. Worst is what? That you don't? Believe me it's not. Try and learn to look outside the box and have a list of back-up plans when things don't go your way. Put it this way. You were 10 points off in the Leaving like you said to get the course you wanted. You didn't get it. When you got those results did you envisage then that you would want this job so much? The job you wouldn't have applied for had you pursued your dream course? No, of course not. Try and relax OP.

RedXIV

I'm with Overheal here OP

You've obviously had an incredible amount of success in life and to you failure is not reaching the same standards your constantly pushing higher.

Shocking to some people to believe, i won countless academic awards in school, all the way up to the leaving cert. and then i got lazy. i had set my target points range in 3rd year as 500+ but ended up barely breaking 400. i was depressed for all of 25minutes before i realised that it was still better than alot of my friends.

College has also given me a fair share of scares with years of me being convinced i was gonna have to repeat, oh the shame! but thinking about it in hindsight, the worse that could happen is my lifeplan gets set back a year.

OP there is always gonna be a second chance, always a back up plan and you'll find that with your past successes, people don't think you'll automatically get what you want, more that you'll bounce back from whatever happens. Don't be afraid of something as trival as a failed interview, thats nothing in the bigger picture of things

muppetkiller

The only thing that might not get you the job is that you may appear for too confident and come across as overly cocky.
Reading your post I think (my Opinion) you come across as a little too full of yourself even if you think yourself that you lack confidence.

As as someone who interviews people there's no worse trait in a person that over confidence. And in fact most times people who get the interview are those who I think will fit in with the team personality wise...their CV can be tested easy enough.

Like others have said you need a backup plan and not to be putting your eggs in the one basket as they say. Either way best of luck with it

muppetkiller

Just incase you took offence to that what I meant was that many people who lack confidence give the appearance of over confidence ...it's a very easy trait to pick up on so just try and be yourself. BE NATURAL.

LegacyUser

muppetkiller wrote: »

The only thing that might not get you the job is that you may appear for too confident and come across as overly cocky.
Reading your post I think (my Opinion) you come across as a little too full of yourself even if you think yourself that you lack confidence.

As as someone who interviews people there's no worse trait in a person that over confidence. And in fact most times people who get the interview are those who I think will fit in with the team personality wise...their CV can be tested easy enough.

Like others have said you need a backup plan and not to be putting your eggs in the one basket as they say. Either way best of luck with it

well i definitely WASNT cocky in my interview (they said they knew i was nervous) and being cocky is never something i've been accused of.i stressed my positives in the post because i wanted to show the gap between what i've achieved and still how afraid i get. i dont think its normal to be acting as silly as that. i didnt take offence as i know you dont know me as a person and my friend beside me has laughed her hole off at the thought of me being cocky when she read that. i do definitely see where you though this so fair play for saying so.

i know i'd had success and tbh im proud of that and wont deny it but im still not confident about it. i always put it down to chance or circumstances. i do indeed have a very good back up plan. i know things could be alot worse for myself and i feel better after getting a good sleep. if this doesnt work out i'l find a way around it.
guess i just want tips on how to relax?

RedXIV

best thing i ever discovered was in a little town called Clara in Offaly for chilling.
They have a relaxation village with saunas, steam rooms, massage chairs, jacuzzi's, power showers and a bar i've never been so relaxed as sitting in a jacuzzi with a pint beside me. If you can find a place like that you're sorted.

If you can't, relaxation comes in a varieity of forms for different people. I personally like doing something physical like training for a while and then going for a social drink with the club i train with. or even if you invite friends over and do a DVD night. Find the thing that makes you happiest and go for it

Overheal

What really does it for me is Places of Zen: That hidden away spot in the fields where you can just get away from everything, or the top of the hill/mountain where you can just look down on it all and put it into perspective. I could do this for hours at a time and its one of the only instances where my brain actively seems to just completely switch off. Nirvana