brick wall

berno17

Having a quick read through the forum I see there have been some very similar posts to this one, but I'd like to go ahead and share this anyway. I presume much of the advice will be the same and to be honest I suppose i've kind of already made my mind up about whats going to happen. Here goes.....

I have just turned 21 and am in my 3rd year of a 4 year course at uni. My girlfriend is 23 and will be finishing her masters in september and from there she will be going on to get a real job.

Generally it's been a pretty good year and a half, the usual ups and downs and what not but it's my first serious relationship and its been good. Recently, however, she has been questioning my commitment and asking why i never make plans with her for when i've finished uni in september 2009.

Without ranting on bascially she wants me to make commitments and plans to do things waaay in advance when I dont even know what i'm doing tomorrow. She's not being unreasonable, she's older and wants to see where our future lies. I just feel like at 21 thats crazy talk. I was happy to continue to float along, have a good time and see what happens, if abit down the line we feel like moving in together or something then fair enough.

Part of the problem is her friends are all starting to settle down to full time jobs and whatnot and she's the one with the young boyfriend. My problem is my dad became seriously ill in his mid thirties and is now completely dependent and in full time caring accomodation. I know i shouldnt but I take the view that I need to do as much as I can when i'm young incase something similar happened to me.

Maybe the issue is that she isn't "the one", perhaps i would be willing to say i'd love to go travelling with you when i graduate if it was someone else, whereas at the moment i see myself doing that alone or with my fantastic group of mates.

I think that pretty much covers it, we had a big chat about this the other night which involved her crying for hours and me storming out (wasnt the best idea). I know its something I need to consider and sort out in my own head but any advice or opinions would be much appreciated.

Sorry for length!

RedXIV

You have a girlfriend who is worried that she won't be part of your life after she gets a job, this is perfectly reasonable. If you were single in college you know how much fun you can have and she more than likely does too.

Read the other posts in this forum, you have it pretty good in this relationship, your GF obviously cares alot about you. If the relationship isn't the one to live with, then you should probably end it. I got told before if the first thing you think of in the morning when you wake up is your GF, you're set for life. see if that applies to you.

All in all, i think you have very little to worrry about. reassure your GF that you will still do things together by doing something as simple as taking her out to dinner.

Overheal

Does she know what she wants to do and where she wants to go? Do you know what career you will be taking up? Just start looking around and giving a thought to what might happen next.

On a related note how long did you leave it in the Leaving Cert to decide what was going to happen next? How long beforehand did you know what you wanted to do?

Just start making the bare bones of where you see yourself in 5 years. Where do you want to be? A different country? A new city or town? Just start vaguely and as the idea takes more shape in your head add the nitty gritty to it over the next couple years; eventually reaching the stage where you start looking for accomodation but thats a long way off yet.

Puffin

Some people spend high school planning their wedding to their sweetheart

Some never doubt they want to marry but think they will ‘miss out’ of they ‘settle down’ before the age of 30

And some view marriage like retirement homes- maybe I’ll be desperate for it at some stage… but I can’t imagine it

Different people have different timelines for marriage. Work out what your timeline is and tell her. Then ask her what hers is. If they are the same, great. If they are different you then need to make a decision- either stay together and compromise OR end the relationship and look for people whose life goals are more similar to your own.