Just want some opinons

LegacyUser

Basically im 22 fiance is 25 with him for 4 years, we were out the other night and i was at the bar with my friend and this guy starts annoyin me tryin to kiss me even though i showed him my engagment ring and told him to **** off, so at this stage he wraps his arms around me and tries to drag me into a corner while tryin to get his hand up my skirt, i elbowed him into the balls and walked off.

Anyway went back to my table and my told my fiance what happened and he didnt seem to care, he just said"what ya want me to do about it now sure" I was like "Your just gonna let some guy molest me" and he was like" i knew you could take care of yourself and ya did"

Now this guys my world and i suppose after 4 years he knows i can take care of pervy guys myself(and i can) but should i be a bit insulted he didnt want to jump to my defence.I know he hates arguments and fights and avoids them as much as he can but surley some guy molesting your fiance shouldnt be worth avoidn an argument?

Just want some opinons

dudara

I know you feel that your fiance should have stood up but in reality do you want a man who gets involved in fights and causes aggro?

TheNog

What did you want him to do? The most he could have done is say it to security . The days of confronting a another male, especially if alcohol is involved, is gone 'cos you just don't know who you are up against. They could be a very dangerous person with a knife, gun or just plain scumbag who could smash a bottle of over your head. How would you feel about yourself if you insisted your b/f take action and he was seriously injured?

If you can take of yourself, then well and good. You hit the man in the balls and fair play to ye. It worked out ok for you in the end and you didn't get hurt.

Let it be

seamus

If he had seen it happen, then I would be surprised if he just sat there, but as you recounted the tale, clearly you were well able to handle yourself.

If you'd come back blubbering and wailing, he probably would have been a bit more bothered about it.

Beruthiel

ooo wrote:

Anyway went back to my table and my told my fiance what happened and he didnt seem to care, he just said"what ya want me to do about it now sure" I was like "Your just gonna let some guy molest me" and he was like" i knew you could take care of yourself and ya did"

He knew you took care of yourself.
You did take care of yourself.
So exactly what did you want him to do? Go over, beat the guy to a pulp and end up in hospital or court?
As seamus said, different circumstances would probably have had him react differently, but in this day and age, you don't just go picking fights without a damn good reason.

HJ Simpson

Hi, just to give you my experience on this I was walking out of a Dawson St pub one night following my fiance and my sister. When my fiance dived back past me slapping a guy walking the other way. She told me he "dropped the hand" so to speak as she walked passed him. I then followed him in an instant and smacked him around the head. Not my proudest moment!
I am sure I looked like a total scumbag to everyone watching. .
The guy had a bottle in his hand but ran up the pub away from me (lucky for me). The whole way out of the pub I was thinking **** what if this guy is with a group of lads and I get a kicking.
Anyway my rambling point is its probably better if you already hit the guy for your b.f not to start anything.
HJS

How Strange

OP, I think you're being a bit immature about the situation to be honest.

As other posters have already said, did you really expect your bf to get into a scrap for you. In this day and age that would be a very dangerous and stupid thing to do. He could get kicked half to death, stabbed, glassed etc etc.

You really need to get over your 'my man must beat his chest and protect his little woman' way of thinking.

Sort out your own problems. He was exactly right when he said he knew you would sort it yourself. It actually shows a maturity and a respect for you from his side.

TheDriver

a) it was over and you stood up for yourself
b) It takes a much much bigger person to walk away from this situation and to the poster regarding not knowing what your up against, just think of the 2 Polish lads 2 weeks ago, its the better thing to walk away.
You should be happy with him and maybe pick a different pub in future!

tbh

weird. I would have thought the OP's boyfriend would have been more upset. not even "kicking lumps out of some guy" upset, but certainly "having a word with the bouncers and getting the guy who tried to molest his girlfriend thrown out of the club" upset. Maybe I'm just old fashioned like that when it comes to random blokes putting their hands up my g/friends skirt.

Duckjob

I think you should split up with your bf and find a grunting 6"6 neanderthal who will be more than happy to jump in no questions asked and pulverise any guy who displeases you.

Or you could grow up.

Oryx

I think your fiance has a good, relaxed attitude. Try dealing with a guy who has the opposite approach and is insanely jealous, and see what a picnic that can be.

He's your boyfriend, not Prince Charming coming to save you, or a bouncer. Be glad hes so confident in you and not an insecure guy who'd beat up stupid men too drunk to know better. Having two men fight over your honour is a romantic notion, but as has been said, noone with a bit of sense throws punches now, unless they want to be hauled to criminal and (worse) civil court.

gcgirl

From another womens point of view you handed yore man very well there was no need for your oh to get involved ! personaly i hate getting in to **** i would just walk away from things would drag away friend if they got into spot of bother as well in long run its not worth it !

fits

tbh wrote: »

weird. I would have thought the OP's boyfriend would have been more upset. not even "kicking lumps out of some guy" upset, but certainly "having a word with the bouncers and getting the guy who tried to molest his girlfriend thrown out of the club" upset. Maybe I'm just old fashioned like that when it comes to random blokes putting their hands up my g/friends skirt.

I agree with this post. While its great your boyfriend didnt want to get into a row, the behaviour of that guy was completely unacceptable and he should have been kicked out of the club for it tbh.
Having a word with the bouncers would have been the way to go ( actually you probably should have done that yourself).

I personally cannot stand the way groping like this is almost acceptable in some clubs. It makes me very angry.

RedXIV

Time and a place lass, time and a place.

Any guy that tries fighting in a night club these days is in for serious trouble.

As said above, if you handled it yourself, what more do you want your man to do? Personally, i'd be more proud than anything that my missus could take care of herself.

Marksie

maybe its juts me, but another couple of posters have picked up on it.

But i would seek clarification OP if i may.

I agree that getting into a raging fight over it is not the way to go. All that is fine and dandy.

But my question is this. I am picking up from whjat you wrote that he really wasn't concerned about you.

ooo wrote:

"what ya want me to do about it now sure"

Would that be right? or did he actually appear concerned to see that you were ok?... it may be the way i have picked it up from what you have written

Puffin

this is utterly ridiculous. Does everyone who responded to this post genuinely believe there are only 2 options in the world for Irish men-

1. beat someone up
2. sit like a lump, do nothing, say nothing, offer no support or care

guys, there’s a BEER ad on telly that goes on about exploring the ‘option C’ in life. I can’t believe I’m writing this- I think a 20 second ‘humorous’ BEER COMMERICAL has a more intelligent and evolved approach to Irish men’s role in society that the respondents here.

Duckjob

ooo wrote:

Now this guys my world and i suppose after 4 years he knows i can take care of pervy guys myself(and i can) but should i be a bit insulted he didnt want to jump to my defence.

As other posters have pointed out, it would be a different matter if your fiancé was sitting watching you being dragged off by ths socially inept moron and didn't react. A you tell the story though, he only heard what happened afterwards so if he took action t would be to "defend your honour", not to protect you.

I know he hates arguments and fights and avoids them as much as he can but surley some guy molesting your fiance shouldnt be worth avoidn an argument?

Think about it though. What sort of argument do you think can happen in those circumstances?
Your fiancé: "I say, you're a blaggard, sir" (slaps white glove across face of drunken idiot)
<Drunken foppish bitchslapping ensues.>

This isn't Bridget Jones y'know. The reality is more likely to be the two of you sitting in A & E with your fiancé waiting to have his face stitched up.

RedXIV

Puffin wrote: »

this is utterly ridiculous. Does everyone who responded to this post genuinely believe there are only 2 options in the world for Irish men-

1. beat someone up
2. sit like a lump, do nothing, say nothing, offer no support or care

guys, there’s a BEER ad on telly that goes on about exploring the ‘option C’ in life. I can’t believe I’m writing this- I think a 20 second ‘humorous’ BEER COMMERICAL has a more intelligent and evolved approach to Irish men’s role in society that the respondents here.

You didn't offer an option C

Be realistic, what can be achieved here? If you're gonna suggest start pampering the girl because she had a bit of trouble in a night club which she more than capably handled, you haven't encountered the same irish women i have.

It happened, it was dealt with, move on. Otherwise you're gonna end up getting worked up on it and following option 1 anyway

RubyXI

I think he should have showed a bit of support. I mean u you can look after yourself but if my bf got hassel from someone I would be at his side tellin them where to go. And he can definately look after himself. Its just nice to know someones on your side i suppose.

Das Kitty

I'd be upset if I told my fiancé that some randomer tried to put his hand up my skirt and he didn't get annoyed.

If something like ever happens to me, he offers to slap the other lad but I'll refuse. To be honest I think this is more of a ritual because if I told him to go ahead and wallop him I doubt he would and I wouldn't blame him. Who wants to get into fisty-cuffs on a night out?

Anway I think your fiancée should have been at least concerned, it was a bit of a close call for you. We're not talking out of jealousy but out of concern for your safety.

Overheal

TheNog wrote: »

What did you want him to do? The most he could have done is say it to security . The days of confronting a another male, especially if alcohol is involved, is gone 'cos you just don't know who you are up against. They could be a very dangerous person with a knife, gun or just plain scumbag who could smash a bottle of over your head. How would you feel about yourself if you insisted your b/f take action and he was seriously injured?

If you can take of yourself, then well and good. You hit the man in the balls and fair play to ye. It worked out ok for you in the end and you didn't get hurt.

Let it be

+1. He might go off and defend your honor (which is really what this is about, isnt it) and get himself bludgeoned hospitalized or killed. Its not as if he was watching it happen going 'ah look at her go' - you told him after the fact. Told him you handled the situation. After that its up to your boyfriend and how he reacts to drink as to how understanding he was about the situation. I'm guessing you're not some helpless damsel anyway.

Wagon

Das Kitty wrote: »

If something like ever happens to me, he offers to slap the other lad but I'll refuse. To be honest I think this is more of a ritual because if I told him to go ahead and wallop him I doubt he would and I wouldn't blame him. Who wants to get into fisty-cuffs on a night out?

Exactly. You just said it yourself, getting into a fight is dangerous because ultimately nobody wins, chances are both parties get injured, may end up in hospital and look like arseholes to everyone in the vicinity. So why would you want him to jump up and offer to defend your honour when you know he's probably too intelligent to start a fight with someone and you don't want him to anyway?

OP, your fiancee did the right thing here. You took care of yourself, he could see you were alright and he just didn't want to ruin the night by starting something with a complete stranger who could have been carrying a knife. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you but he was thinking ahead to what could have happened and you might not have been able to fight your man off so well if it came to that situation later in the night if it came to blows. So, grow up.

Blk150

This is just so annoying.If he had have went over and kicked the **** out of your man what would you have said to him?? He handled it in a mature manner.Move on:rolleyes:

TheNog

Puffin wrote: »

2. sit like a lump, do nothing, say nothing, offer no support or care

Support or care? The woman handled the situation well. There was no need for an afters drama party.

What would you have expected? What support and care do you feel should have been dished out?

It has happened to my g/f and I always say "fair play to ye. Lets celebrate, what ye having?". See no need for a big fuss

LegacyUser

I think your all getting me wrong- i wasnt bitching that he didnt go over and deck the guy- i was giving out cos I know that if he had been standing there he wouldnt have done nothing(happened before though wasnt as serious) i love this guy to bits but just cos i am a tough girl who can take care of myself doesnt mean i dont want (or sometimes) need help when things go bad

RedXIV

ooo wrote:

i was giving out cos I know that if he had been standing there he wouldnt have done nothing

I'm not sure if it's grammitically incorrect or i'm not getting it anymore, you want him to have done something right?

OK well lets be analytical here, i did bouncing for a little bit and i've seen situations that are guys fighting over a woman's honour. These are never pretty and nobody comes out a winner. As much as i hate to admit it, and whether people agree or not, security watching a fight between a man and a woman are automatically gonna assume the man is fault, haul him out and check on the girl. so much for equality between sexes but there ya go. The simple fact of the matter is, you can more than likely get away with handing out a few slaps, guys are given that luxury

Also, you're making assumptions about your fella now. assumptions are about as useful as a glass hammer. for all you know, if he had seen that situtation, he might have lost the rag. but you don't know.

muppetkiller

Why didn't you have him arrested for sexual assult ...that's what it sounds like to me ...I mean pinching a girls behind is one thing but puttin his hand up your skirt !!!

Coffea

This guy tried to drag you off into a corner to molest you and your fiance didn't show any concern. Yes, I would be extremely upset if my other half reacted the same way.

Your fiance didn't see the incident happening so he can't be blamed for not intervening. Also, as already pointed out, he could land himself in trouble for doing so!

However, surely, he could have asked you if you were injured, if you wanted to report the incident to the club bouncers/management/Gardaí. He could have given you a hug or expressed his concern in some manner!

It's not a matter of 'defending a woman's honour' etc.. I know that if something similar happened me, there would be absolutely no doubt that my other half, my parents, siblings, friends (male and female) or whoever happened to be with me at the time, would certainly show concern. If they didn't I would definitely start wondering how much they cared about me.

However, maybe your fiance is just really bad at expressing himself??

Das Kitty

Wagon wrote: »

Exactly. You just said it yourself, getting into a fight is dangerous because ultimately nobody wins, chances are both parties get injured, may end up in hospital and look like arseholes to everyone in the vicinity. So why would you want him to jump up and offer to defend your honour when you know he's probably too intelligent to start a fight with someone and you don't want him to anyway?

Why not? It's not like it's doing anything but showing me he cares in our own twisted little way.

If OPs fella saw this happen he should have tried to stop it. If not he should have at least shown a little concern about it and offered to go to the bouncer / bring her home / give her a hug. I think that's the issue, correct me if I'm wrong.

Lizard Queen

if somebody put their hand up my skirt and my boyfriend did nothing i would be very upset to. The poor girl wasnt expecting her boyfriend to beat up the fella but just to show some concern. If that was my friend and i was there when it happened i would tell the bouncer and get the scumbag kicked out . Theres no such thing as prince charming coming to defend our honor theses days.

Ickle Magoo

If some drunken bloke molested me while attempting to drag me into a corner & I manged to fend him off then I'd expect my partner to at least ask if I'm ok & give me a hug after my ordeal when I recant the story. I wouldn't want him to get involved with the drunken idiot but I'd expect him to care about whether I got a fright or felt shaken or whatever. If he asked me "what I expected him to do about it", I'd ditch him for someone with a bit more maturity, tbh.

Mikel

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

... I'd expect my partner to at least ask if I'm ok & give me a hug after my ordeal when I recant the story...

What are you? Eight?
The OP wanted him to be upset, not upset enough to do anything about it, just the 'right amount' of upset.
Similar to when a girl is chatted up and wants her boyfriend to get jealous, not jealous enough to start a fight, just the 'right amount' of jealousy....

Grow up

Ickle Magoo

Pffft, that's exactly the immaturity I'm talking about - and no, I'm loooong way from eight, lol. :pac:

It's nothing to do with jealousy, it's to do with caring about your partner. If I tell my husband I went over on my ankle this morning he asks how I feel now, if I went to the dentist at lunch, when we see each other he asks me how things went. If someone mauls me in a club he would most certainly ask if I'm ok & give me a hug. I'm not sure if you've ever been mauled in a club - I'm guessing not - it's not a nice experience.

Redpunto

Das Kitty wrote: »

I'd be upset if I told my fiancé that some randomer tried to put his hand up my skirt and he didn't get annoyed.

If something like ever happens to me, he offers to slap the other lad but I'll refuse. To be honest I think this is more of a ritual because if I told him to go ahead and wallop him I doubt he would and I wouldn't blame him. Who wants to get into fisty-cuffs on a night out?

Anway I think your fiancée should have been at least concerned, it was a bit of a close call for you. We're not talking out of jealousy but out of concern for your safety.

My fella would be the same, he'd be hell bent on kicking the ass out of this guy if it happened to me but would probably ask me first. DId your fiance not even ask you were you ok or did the other fella hurt you? Like the other posters said, if you do get into a fight these days then youve a high chance of getting a bottle in the head but my fiance would definately get angry over the fact some ejjitt tried to have a go and would be seriously worried over how i felt about it.

Mikel

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Pffft, that's exactly the immaturity I'm talking about

How is that immature?
Who is the one infantalising themselves?

I'm not sure if you've ever been mauled in a club

If I was I wouldn't be going looking for a hug afterwards

It's nothing to do with jealousy

I didn't say it was about jealousy, I compared it to another common scenario

Ickle Magoo

Since when is wanting or expecting a hug, infantile?! Are only babies allowed physical comfort? Wow.

You were going on about the OP engineering some kind of upset output for her other-half, actually, I'm not sure what advice, if any, you were giving the OP tbh - my post just stated that my partner would be concerned, it wouldn't take any effort/engineering on my part - and that's the way I'd expect it to be. I took the OP's post to mean she wanted him to show her some concern, not deck the guy, not cry - even if she saw the guy off she's going to be shaken, it wouldn't have killed her fella to comfort her - or give her a <shock horror> hug.

Anyway, my advice was for the OP, they can take it or leave it - whether you think it's any good is irrelevant. :rolleyes:

Das Kitty

Hug it out guys!

useful_contacts

My friends was in a situation like this three weeks ago, and her boyfriend quitley took the guy aside and had a word with him, and got a bottle in the face for his concern.

And he was only letting the guy know she was taken , he wasnt in any way hostile and he nearly lost his eye in the process:eek:

Wibbs

useful_contacts you and "ooo" share IP's so I'm closing this thread until I get an explanation by PM as you're contradicting yourself so I'm calling troll on this one. I'm also watching your other thread very carefully.