Confused!!!

fiftirxiebell

Hi, i don't know really where to start with this, i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, theres a bit of an age gap he's 25 and i'm twenty, this has never been as issue for me but its started to become one recently. He's always been a bit over protective of me, because i go to uni far away and go out alot without him, i stopped going out cos the texts he sent would put me down cos he didn't trust me and it wasn't worth the row. But this is my final year and i wana go out and have fun...i don't enjoy socialising with him and his friends because they always make smart ass comments that get to me. I know thats typical of lads to take the piss but it gets a bit much and i rather going out in uni with my mates without the abuse. I feel like he wants me to sit like a quiet little girlfriend similar to his friends...the only problem is i have nothing in common with these girls. It feels like i don't fit in with him and his friends. Things are getting incredibly tense. He says he loves me...i do believe him but sometimes i honestly forget why we;re together.

Sherifu

Do you think he's worth the hassle?

Ruu_Old

Did you tell him how you feel about it and that you get annoyed by his friends? You shouldn't have to stop seeing your friends because he is feeling insecure.

ken4doon

Hey der!! bit of a sticky situation u got here!! but i cn prob speak frm experience wen i wnt to college and left my grl frnd durnin d week!!

Your bfrnd no doubt does love you, but hes vry insecure and as much as he dosnt want to put you down he does so bcos hes some what jealous of the tym u spend away from him, going out and enjoying yourself. In fairness what 25 year old fella wouldnt love to move away nd go n beer durin d week. Its prob as simple as sitting down and havin it out, even tho been a fella he will prob initially deny how he truely feels. All relationships should be built on trust and honesty and dat has to be mutual. You shouldnt have to stay in while your mates go out and enjoy themselves, dats not buildin trust its nly makin him feel in control and dats no grounds for a relationship. He's 25 and mature Id like to think, your have ur last year left in UNI, he sould be BIG enough to understand that you wouldnt do anything to hurt him, its also good to tell him that too. You also d'ont need the hassle of arguments wit exams cumin up. Wen he learns to let go and let you enjoy ur life yer relationship will slowly begin to wrk. The only reason you dnt enjoy the company of his frnds wen you are out is bcos you miss the company of your frnds.

In the end if he cnt let you enjoy your life its prob best you walk away now - love should be shared together and with others - thats not what you have now . Best of luck.

Sherifu

Please don't use text speak. It's hard to read.

Wibbs

I second that ken4doon. Use the entire keyboard. Txt speak is not tolerated around here. Thanks.

Beruthiel

ken4doon

Text speak is frowned upon in this forum and makes you look about 14 years of age.

fiftirxiebell
You're a grown up, you're in college, now's the time you should be out having fun with your friends, this time will never come again.
If your b/f does not trust you to behave yourself in these situations then your relationship is doomed to failure anyway.
Go out, have fun and if he doesn't like it, then the door's over there -->

TheDriver

you need to "put your foot down" on this one as I'm afraid its just going to get worse over time if you find it difficult now. Discuss it with him and again, have fun or you'll only regret it

ken4doon

I apologise for my text speak - I have a bad tendency to abbreviate when writing. Apologies again, it will stop!

fiftirxiebell

I never actually thought that maybe i don't like his friends simply because i resent the fact i'm forced to spend more time with them then my own!!
Its hard to put the foot down because he makes me feel so guilty for leaving to go to UNI, i reassure him CONSTANTLY and i've never cheated on previous boyfriends...i'm just not that type (although he's cheated on his previous girlfriend, but like i don't distrust him because of actions in past relationships). Its just becomming increasingly difficult to be happy with him, when we're alone it grand and all that but when i suugest going out with my friends it becomes and issue...we have discussed this....it hasn't improved, the more i type here the clearer it is what i should do. I used to be so happy with him, like we were a happy couple....but the longer we're together the worse it becomes. Would it be cruel of me to give up now?

Lurvely

It wouldnt be cruel at all...your at college & you should be going out having fun, if your boyfriend is not letting you do that because of his own insecurities then you have to seriously consider whether you want to be with him. Judging by your last post i think you already know what to do.

Redpunto

Relationships are meant to be a partnering not a "force my ideas down your throat". Seriously you shoud move on, could you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him. A bloke should never infringe on when you want to see your friends, thats a dangerous road to go down.

the_syco

fiftirxiebell wrote: »

because he makes me feel so guilty for leaving to go to UNI

Dump the f**ker, and enjoy the best years of your life. Or in your case, year

fiftirxiebell wrote: »

Would it be cruel of me to give up now?

Cruel? How so? The only person being cruel is him, by guilt tripping you to stay at home. I'd surprised if he hasn't told you to get back into the kitchen and make him some pie! He sounds like an a$$.

Next time he tries to guilt trip you into saying at home, tell him to shove it, it's over. He'll get the message loud and clear.

SarahSassy

fiftirxiebell wrote: »

i've never cheated on previous boyfriends...i'm just not that type (although he's cheated on his previous girlfriend

This is so common.... He doesnt trust you because he knows how easy it is to cheat because HE has done it..... He wont change... He has an issue with fidelity mainly because he was not capable of being faithful.... You can try to convince him til the cows come home but in the end he will will doubt you and you will be tortured trying to convince the unconvinced....

You are young and I would move on but I would explain clearly to him why you are finishing it. It may be the short, sharp shock he needs to wake him up and wise him up.

muppetkiller

Here's a little question for you...besides him being an overly posessive, insecure person ,the constant sending of hurtful texts whenever you seem to enjoying yourself...the fact that his friends treat you like crap and he doesn't stick up for you...what is it again that you get out of this relationship ?

P45 asap...

milod

muppetkiller wrote: »

Here's a little question for you...besides him being an overly posessive, insecure person ,the constant sending of hurtful texts whenever you seem to enjoying yourself...the fact that his friends treat you like crap and he doesn't stick up for you...what is it again that you get out of this relationship ?

P45 asap...

QFT!

You're missing what should be one of the best times of your life. Socialising with fellow students helps to build the network of friends and contacts you'll want and need in later years, probably well after you've dumped that eejit. And you're prepared to forgo this for a jealous tw*t?!

Beruthiel

fiftirxiebell wrote: »

Would it be cruel of me to give up now?

No, it would be cruel to stay.
You're clearly not happy in the relationship, you're b/f has issues which he needs to address and will not do so until he realises he actually has them. You cannot help him with that.
You're young, no use flogging a dead horse, go have fun.

RedXIV

This is easy. Tell him to get over it. You're going out coz you're a free individual. you don't place those restrictions on him, why does he get to place them on you??? we live in an age of equality between the sexes, that means he has to learn that you aren't going to follow his every instruction. this is a lesson he NEEDS to learn

Stench Blossoms

SarahSassy wrote: »

This is so common.... He doesnt trust you because he knows how easy it is to cheat because HE has done it..... He wont change... He has an issue with fidelity mainly because he was not capable of being faithful.... You can try to convince him til the cows come home but in the end he will will doubt you and you will be tortured trying to convince the unconvinced....

You are young and I would move on but I would explain clearly to him why you are finishing it. It may be the short, sharp shock he needs to wake him up and wise him up.

+1

I had an ex who was like that. Made me feel guilty anytime I went out without him.

Move on. You'll regret it in later years that you wasted so much time on him when you could have been out living your life.

ken4doon

fiftirxiebell wrote: »

I never actually thought that maybe i don't like his friends simply because i resent the fact i'm forced to spend more time with them then my own!!
Its hard to put the foot down because he makes me feel so guilty for leaving to go to UNI, i reassure him CONSTANTLY and i've never cheated on previous boyfriends...i'm just not that type (although he's cheated on his previous girlfriend, but like i don't distrust him because of actions in past relationships). Its just becomming increasingly difficult to be happy with him, when we're alone it grand and all that but when i suugest going out with my friends it becomes and issue...we have discussed this....it hasn't improved, the more i type here the clearer it is what i should do. I used to be so happy with him, like we were a happy couple....but the longer we're together the worse it becomes. Would it be cruel of me to give up now?

To be honest your better been happy alone, than been "happy and sad" in a relationship!! Sure relationships need work - but unless the work is developing positive outcomes, your heading down a bad road.

MIN2511

This is your last year in college, enjoy it!!!!! Leave him, he seems to be holding you down. My ex had similar traits, he hated when i went out with mates and would ring me to find out what time i got home(as far as ring my landphone) just so i wasn't lying...
I broke up with him and i have to say there have been good times and bad times since i became single...