Advice please

Whispered

Morning everyone, haven't been around in a while. But now I could do with some advice please. My boyfriend recently lost a friend in a car accident. He (my b/f) is not at all religious, but up until now just didn't think about it enough to decide whether he believes or not. His friend however was very religious, he was fit, never drank or smoked, prayed all the time went to mass all the time etc. Something the priest said at the funeral really upset him.Apparently god was "testing" people through this death.

I dont him to turn from "belief" in anger. I want him to be able to make a decision through learning and not through an emotional reaction - If he decides that he doesn't believe or if he becomes athiest - that is totally fine by me, I have a lot of respect for the athiest way of thinking.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can encourage and support him? This is not just a crisis of "god or not" he is thinking about death/ meaning of life etc.

I will not push him in any direction as it's very important that he makes his own decision.

Thanks x

18AD

If you don't want to influence him but want to help him through it then you'd have to drop your belief systems.
If you're talking about these things use language that he's familiar with.
So if he doesn't know what spirit is, don't talk about spirit. If he has his own definitions of words then discuss things from that perspective.

Explore every possibility!

Good luck.
AD.

hiorta

Whether a person is 'religious' or not makes no difference whatsoever to their status on 'passing over'

The constant theme is that it is what we do in terms of kindness shown to others, helping the less fortunate and generally being a decent person, are the the real things that matter.
Any religion chosen or followed should enhance these qualities, but simply believing blindly in something is worse than useless.

The lad will come to his own conclusions, which are likely to change, as he grows in spiritual maturity and experience, on his Journey through Life.

Non-judgemental kindness and support would be useful, as would a listening ear.

ladybirdirl

First of all, it's soad to hear of someone fit & healthy dying so tragically.

I've heard a priest use that sermon before, I think they normally use it when the loss seems senseless ....hence the testing bit.

I think you've also to remember your bf is in the fullness of gries with it's many stages & aspects so what he thinks today will be in constant flux.

I would echo what everyone else has said & just provide a listening ear & shoulder to cry on. When you're in the throes of grief it's not the time to be making decisions about your spiritual orientation...best you can do is allow him to vent

Good luck

LB

Whispered

Thanks everyone.

poster

Hi Helen,
It is not easy to deal with the loss of someone close and you love. It is interesting that your bf is nowe looking to find out more about afterlife, meaning of life etc, this was the same with me 8 years ago when I lost an uncle that was very close to me. I wanted to find out about where he was , was he happy and communicate with him. I am not religious and not one for the church really but do believe there is a greater soruce.

As I am writing this I am getting all tingly and the name John is coming to me if that makes any sence to you. I believe that the pasing of your bf friend neede to happen for him to get on to his own spritual path, it happens in the most unusual ways. What I would say is just encourage and support him, let him decide the pace of information he wants to digest and see how it goes.

Whispered

Hi,

The name John means nothing in relation to the death of this man.

I am delighted that he is looking at the possibility of an afterlife and thinking about spirituality. He seems to be leaning towards athiesm which is good in a way, it will have him think critically about things and reach a decision when he is able to.

As of last friday he was no longer my boyfriend.... He is now my fiance

poster

Congrats to you both

The name John was not the name of the guy who died the name is connected to your bf, thats what I got.

Whispered

I see, I thought you meant connected with the guy who died. Do you have any more info on John? Thanks

poster

I got that need needs to watch his back with this guy.....all does not appear to be as it is

Dont know if this helps or makes sence but I am just passing on what I got