Still Virgin.

LegacyUser

I don't why this really bothers me this much but it does. I'm 21 (i know its still pretty young) and i'm still a virgin. I've had a couple of girlfriends but i never went all the way with them. The fact that my recent girlfriend (in a very serious relationship) left me and started sleeping with this other guy got me a good bit disturbed to (the fact she moved on and i'm still where i was when she left).
Now in all fairness i wouldn't be bothered a bit bout this the least but lately all this social pressure seems to be catching onto me and well, i don't feel too good about the fact that everyone around me are scoring chicks while i'm here still a virgin.

All along i believed i'll save it for the right person or till the right time and all. But now i feel i've left it a little too long and the "right person" doesn't exist.
I feel i'm getting in despair and desperate for sex. I've been finding myself watching a lot of porn lately (which i think is not helping much either) and seeing every girl as potential mate.

This is not who i am. But this is what i've been finding myself becoming into. I've been giving into all this social pressure around me and now i feel desperate. Which i feel is the worst. The fact that i can't do anything about it doesn't help much either. Now i'm not gonna go find a hooker and get my virginity out of the way. I'm not gonna go that far. I just feel the need of getting out of this social pressure and just living a satisfied (no pun) life.

I hate all of this and i can't help but say, no matter how hard i try to move on with my life, this stays at the back of my head constantly bothering me.

Sherifu

The pressure is all in your mind. It's normal to have these kind of feelings but your time will come(pardon). Hang in there.
Oh and stop looking at women like sex objects. That'll help too.

spinandscribble

why did you not have sex in your recent serious relationship? are you holding back or are you scared? i'd say wait until your ready and stop viewing every woman as a chance for sex.

spurious

underprerssuer wrote: »

All along i believed i'll save it for the right person or till the right time and all. But now i feel i've left it a little too long and the "right person" doesn't exist.
I feel i'm getting in despair and desperate for sex. I've been finding myself watching a lot of porn lately (which i think is not helping much either) and seeing every girl as potential mate.

You haven't left anything too long. It is not a race. Desperate is not at all attractive.

Seeing every girl as an opportunity to have sex comes across as desperate and will do you no favours.

Stop trying so hard. You'd be surprised what will happen when you stop 'hunting'.

Talliesin

underprerssuer wrote: »

All along i believed i'll save it for the right person or till the right time and all.

So, you were living a lifestyle in which you weren't going to lose your virginity any time soon, and now you have decided you don't have the same views of virginity that you once did.

This happened how recently? A few months? A few weeks?

Still being a virgin after a few weeks isn't really a long time, is it?

gerbilgranny

Take things easy. Yes, you've got plenty of time. Sex is better when love and trust are involved.

And I would suggest that you try and ditch the porn. Better spend the time going out and mixing with people, including women. Be yourself, and enjoy life. Porn is not about reality, honestly, and it's a much better idea to live your own life, with it's imperfection, and ordinariness.

I'm not sure there's a 'right one' for everyone - I think it's more likely that there are many people who could be right for us. When you find someone like that, things will work out, I'm fairly sure.

LegacyUser

Try not to let it get to you so much; I'm a 22 year old girl and have yet to lose my virginity. It's not that I haven't had the chance but I just don't like the idea of one night stands and the last boyfriend I had wanted to wait but we broke up before we got around to it!

I do agree with you that the more you worry about it, the more obsessed you become (I never stop thinkin bout it and want nothin more than to have sex!!) but I'm not gonna go sleep with the next guy that comes along; call me old-fashioned but I want the first time to mean something.

If I found out that the guy I was seeing was a virgin, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest, I think I'd be happier than if he'd slept with loads of girls! Thanks for your post, it's given me hope that there are still people out there like me!! Any girl would be lucky to have u!

LegacyUser

23, male and a virgin.

Had the opportunity to a couple of times, was happy not to push for it and relationships ended for other reasons.

I'm annoyed I'm not in a relationship, couldnt give a flying **** that I'm a virgin.
When I meet the right woman, that will change. Until then, why get cut up about it?

nevaeh-2die-4

once u have sex once u will never look back.

all this holding back is worth nothing, JUST DO IT!

RedXIV

nothing wrong with your situation mate. I'd LOVE to change the way i lost mine, one of the most embarrassing stories i have, but trust me, the more you look for it, the harder it is to find.

Relax, be yourself and it'll inevitably happen

LegacyUser

I've gone unreg'd here for obv reasons, it's a simple as this, I'm now 21 and was in a similar position a year ago, basically I got so embarrassed and frustrated I decided to break my duck, I got hammered and went to an escort/prostitute whichever term you prefer. Horrible decision on my part I really really regret doing this. I have never had any serious adult relationship with any woman yet and this is not a regret compared to losing my virginity this way. I was in college at the time and I thought it was a once off. I now am working and making a reasonable income for myself except I get quite depressed with things from time to time, my Day is 7 to 7 in a male dominated environment and I don't have much free time TBH so I don't really get to approach girls as a result, I usually have a session with the lads from work or just a couple drinks and grub. So I get quite lonely and It's all since I moved to Dublin. I have some friends here in college but we have different circles and different timetables so we rarely meet up either. So to cushion this and some of other inadequacies I feel I will maybe 1 or 2 times per month visit one of these ladies of the night.... I reckon I've spent well over 1500 quid at this stage in the last 3/4 months. I don't know what to do as I like sex obviously but there is no intimacy and it leaves me feeling very empty but at the same time it kind makes me anaesthesized for a while. I seem to physically manifest my own frustration through this and I feel like I'm in a vicious circle. I'm sorry for bumping and derailing this thread but I really had to get this off my chest. I know I'm not a bad person and have some redeemable qualities but I would really appreciate some advice here....

Heckler

Jesus wept. I don't mean to trivialise anybodys experience but Christ, tis only sex !! Once you've had a shag or two you'll realise its not the be all and end all of everything.

Rule 1. Play it safe. Insist on condoms whether you're male or female.

Rule 2. You don't have to be in love with, be going out with or even know the first/2nd/3rd etc person you have sex with.

Rule 3. Your first sexual (intercourse) experience is probably going to be quick, messy and uncomfortable (depending on lots of circumstances). If you're a bloke you'll have shot your wad and you'll be happy enough to be able to tell your mates "I shagged last night". If you're a gal you may or may not laugh with your friends about the 2 minute loser who rode you the previous night.

Rule 4. You don't have to wait for the right man/woman. Thats a romantic notion that if it happens is great but probably won't.

Rule 5. Relax and enjoy it and remember its only sex. In the great scheme of things it ain't as big a deal as you might think it is.

Kevster

To the original poster: I'm male, 25, and lost my virginity at the age of 23. I didn't enjoy the experience either and haven't done 'it' since then. Please don't feel pressured to do what others are doing. There are much better and important things to be doing in life than worrying over something like this.

kraggy

Hey OP.

First of all. Relax.

But don't force yourself to relax. Just LET yourself relax.

Whatever else, do not go out and try to "score" for you will not only end up with no result, but you will end up even more frustrated and worried than you are now. If you never took another piece of advice again, please take this.

Most people my age (I'm 30 soon) don't refer to their age of losing their virginity as any important reference point in their life at all.

Now I know you're thinking "30, that's ages away and surely someone that age has been shaggin for years and they're enjoying it now and can't remember the stresses of losing virginitiy" etc.

But believe me, and many others reading this, we have all gone through the pressure that you are going through right now. And the most important aspect of it all is how unnecessary it all was.

All I can say is THINK ONLY OF YOURSELF AND FORGET WHAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE EXPERIENCED AND FORGET WHAT THEY SAY TO YOU TODAY.

Why? Because most of it is probably bullsh1t and they're only spouting it to you because they were once in receipt of such garbage themselves and for societal reasons feel the need to pass on such peer pressure.

If you can at all, forget about being a virgin at 21 and forget about sexual status and age altogether. If you do this, then when it happens on your terms, on your time and when you are ready, then it will prove to be more magical than the first time most posters here will have experienced themselves.

Take your time friend. And if anyone tries to make you feel like you've fallen behind, then many of those people are not actually happy with their first experiences themselves.

Final Point.

Like I said, I'm 30 years old very soon, and my experience of sexual discovery was very pressured compared to my older friends and brothers. And yours will be more difficult than mine. That's the society we live in because of stupid tv programmes and a more affluent atmosphere.

But I promise you, if you take your time and do it at your pace, you will look back on your initial steps on life's journey with a happier feel than most others your age, despite what they say now.

Best of luck.

You'll be fine.

Overheal

RedXIV wrote: »

nothing wrong with your situation mate. I'd LOVE to change the way i lost mine, one of the most embarrassing stories i have, but trust me, the more you look for it, the harder it is to find.

Relax, be yourself and it'll inevitably happen

do tell

Kraggy wrote:

If you can at all, forget about being a virgin at 21 and forget about sexual status and age altogether. If you do this, then when it happens on your terms, on your time and when you are ready, then it will prove to be more magical than the first time most posters here will have experienced themselves.

Take your time friend. And if anyone tries to make you feel like you've fallen behind, then many of those people are not actually happy with their first experiences themselves.

Have to agree with this. When you stop considering the social pressure behind it its really nothing to think about. Respect your own values on the matter and stop worrying about what everyone else is/isn't doing.

Grimebox

interesting read

Overheal

Grimebox wrote: »

interesting read

I've read through some of it and to be honest I don't see it as a very good approach to take for losing your virginity at all. I don't even consider it a moral way to pick up women for that matter.

OP wrote:

This is not who i am. But this is what i've been finding myself becoming into. I've been giving into all this social pressure around me and now i feel desperate. Which i feel is the worst. The fact that i can't do anything about it doesn't help much either. Now i'm not gonna go find a hooker and get my virginity out of the way. I'm not gonna go that far. I just feel the need of getting out of this social pressure and just living a satisfied (no pun) life.

Sums it up nicely. You've given into the social pressure and its taking hold on you. Fortunately peer pressure is one of those few problems you can tell to fuk off. Your sexual history doesn't concern your peers so don't allow them to make it their business.

And like I've already said value your own beliefs: plenty of people will choose to wait for someone special, and about as many people will get it out of the way without too much thought (like Heckler, I'm assuming). Decide yourself where you really (really) stand on the matter and go with that.

LegacyUser

I was in a simular situation, didn't think it would ever happen to me. Luckily I met a girl out one night and it just happend.

I was very glad to get it out of the way. One of the best things I ever did, It really changed me, because I wasn't so ackward around the whole subject, and I could start looking at girls as girls again, not just people who I could protentially lose my virginity to.