what next?

filament

Ok, in a nutshell, about a year ago i finished my last year of college, near the end of it my g/f of 4 years leaves me very suddenly and handles the whole thing in a way that was incredibly painful. oo hoo. More importantly i realize i hate my course, i have no plans for after college and id become so lazy and uninspiring that i would estimate it had been about 2 years since id done anything productive for myself or even gone out and had fun.

basically id been wasting away and i don't blame her for leaving or my friends for slowly disapearing and what followed was a torturous summer of unemployment and loneliness and several months of extreme depression leading me up to about a month ago. I did a really cool 4 week course and now im working in that sector and even though im up to my eyeballs in arrears and creditors and people cutting my services off and loans <etc> ive got a source of income and a job i really like, for the first time since i started college i actually feel generally quite good about myself and where i <might> be going. but im confused. i still feel quite anxious and the smallest of things can violently change my disposition. i haven't been with anyone since my ex, there where two but i didn't like them and can't stand bad sex so i've been voluntarily celebrant, every now and then i feel like i should call my ex just to see how she's getting on because i still genuinely worry about her but whenever i think about her and stuff in the past i end up feeling angry and sad so i only have about twice.

so im kind of on the brink of being happy for about the first time ever what i want to ask you out of all that crap is: what else should i do? ive always considered seeing a shrink or taking drugs, at my lowest points i considered checking myself in for a stay at the mad house but i've never committed to them as it just seems like it might be counter productive <from what ive seen in friends etc>

should i try and remain friends with my ex or cut her off completely? should i do something radical and just leave the country to start a fresh or work with what i already have? it might seem like a dumb question but i really don't want to ruin this

thanks for reading

Overheal

Id try a counsellor personally. Theyre great for getting things off your chest and helping you figure out what you want. They aren't shrinks, they dont prescribe you pills, they just know what questions to ask - then you provide the answers and through the catharsis you almost always land on something profound without them actually telling you anything.

Sherifu

If I was you, i'd stick with what makes you happy - work and avoid what makes you unhappy - your ex, and build from there.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

The slightest thing triggering you off again can be a sign of the remnants of depression. Stick to positive circles - positive people, positive activities and so on.

I second counselling, don't do drugs.

I can't see anything good from contacting the ex - she may have moved on, she may be in a far different place and may be in a position thst's hard for you to accept.

RedXIV

i recommend picking up a martial art. when i picked up tae kwon do a few years ago i entered a community of fun people, physical exertion resulting in a healthier body and i found something to give me a bit extra drive.

If martial arts aren't for you, try a team sport? something to get you involved with other people. also if you find one cheery optimistic person in these places, stick to them like glue.

DON'T contact your ex. think about it, you've left someone, they get in touch and they could be in better shape, that is not enticing for anyone.

Get yourself sorted and everything will fall into line shortly afterwards.
Congrats on the job too

filament

RedXIV wrote: »

i recommend picking up a martial art. when i picked up tae kwon do a few years ago i entered a community of fun people, physical exertion resulting in a healthier body and i found something to give me a bit extra drive.

If martial arts aren't for you, try a team sport? something to get you involved with other people. also if you find one cheery optimistic person in these places, stick to them like glue.

DON'T contact your ex. think about it, you've left someone, they get in touch and they could be in better shape, that is not enticing for anyone.

Get yourself sorted and everything will fall into line shortly afterwards.
Congrats on the job too

after i broke up with her i took up full contact fighting, helped a lot

i dunno, thanks for the advice everyone, i will consider therapy but the whole ex thing. She lives in a different country now and im sure she's doing better than i am, with other people etc. and im ok with that. im just genuinely worried she might not be ok because she was a pretty weak person and tended to get walked on a lot and generally quite depressed <rubbed off on me> I can understand the reasoning for not contacting her and thus far ive mostly agreed but i just feel like we where so close and i guess i feel obliged to look out for her, after all i promised her i always would. no? it's confusing, but yeah ive cut out off a lot of negative people, im working on moving out and getting away from my incredibly boring/negative friends and trying to stay in contact with the few friends that still matter more often than i used to

as i said, i jsut don't want to screw up when things are finally looking good, thanks again for the replies