Deformity..

dublad23

Hi Guys...

I feel even weird posting this and I do know a few of ye I think so please bear with me.

I would like proper honest answers and not answers that you might think may make me feel better or that (lol sorry) I'm not depressed or anything just very paranoid about this.

Last September I had to undergo some really heavy surgery after I had a aneuryism in the brain. As a result of the aneuryism I developed complete 3rd nerve palsy which I have been told cannot be treated as the nerve is damaged and as it has now been 5 months won't re-heal.

3rd nerve palsy is basically where your eye lid won't lift / open and this is the case with my left eye. I have pretty much accepted it now and there is little I can do about it but it's just when I go out and have people stare at me etc I feel like a freak

I think the main thing that is bothering me is can people see past this thing and will people notice me in that "oh, he's cute" way. I am going on the initial sighting and not the getting to know a person and liking their personality as I'm quite good in that department

I have found this example of a person with 3rd nerve palsy, jsut so ye know what it looks like.. (It's not me)

http://www.mdchoice.com/photo/img/img0070.jpg

My eyelid isn't that big either...it just bothers me sometimes..when I'm at home and about I never even think about it just when people are staring or i look in the mirror.

Sorry for the rant..and thanks!

Sherifu

Unfortunately some people will always stare when they see something like this. Most won't be thinking you're a freak though, they'll be wondering what it is/what happened to you. Something different will always attract attention, wanted or otherwise. Try not to let it get you down, there are people with far worse problems.

About people seeing past this thing(nice choice of words btw ) Mostly once people will get to know you it won't be an issue at all. Once it's explained to someone, then it's game over. Their curiosity is satisfied. If it's just initial sighting you're wondering about, as I say people are curious.

The Sweeper

As Sherifu says, some people will stare, some won't.

Me, I'd buy myself an eyepatch and work on using it to my advantage to look like a sexy bastard.

karen3212

Lads, I hope that's an official photograph, otherwise that woman will hate you - she looks all sweaty like she's been running miles this morning. uuuh.

I would probably look/stare a bit if I saw someone with one eyelid closed on a night out. But mostly I think if I didn't know if it was permanently closed or if the person knew me and was winking or acting the ass and trying to get my attention or something like that. I know that once I had figured out what it was, it wouldn't bother me at all in the least, at all, at all, at all.

RedXIV

I read a very interesting book recently about how using anything unusual is a weapon on a night out to get attention. feeling confident in yourself as you go out and cheekily using it to get attention could turn out to be useful in the long run. I realise it's not the EXACT same situation but one of my friends has a nose that suffered a nasty break and as a result has a ridge in his nose that he hold coins in to show off to people.
I'll admit that if i saw someone with one eye closed i'd be curious, but i can't help it after reading that book thinking you should automatically use it to your advantage. I've got a scar on my finger and i've been selling it since i read the book

Sprouts

People will look at anything a little different, I broke my nose a few years back and had to wear a white splint on it. The amount of times I had to explain what happened I felt like handing out photocopies of the story. People wont be thinking your abnormal, they're just nosie.

WindSock

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Me, I'd buy myself an eyepatch and work on using it to my advantage to look like a sexy bastard.

I'd do that to. Pirates are all the rage these days so you may have to put up with a few 'Arrrs' every so often.

paul666

I find it strange that the medical people havent come up with away of keeping the eye lid open at day and can be shut at night
i no u would have to blink to keep the eye moistened

the_syco

I'd gp with the eye-patch. At worst, they'd think you're a bit odd for wearing the eye-patch, but at best, it'll be seen as cool.

mikemac

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Me, I'd buy myself an eyepatch and work on using it to my advantage to look like a sexy bastard.

+1

The girls will be mad for you with this.

My sister used to have a condition known as "lazy eye". Basically you wore a patch over the strong eye to force the lazy, weak eye to develop. Much like lifting weights to increase strenght.
I can think of 2 or 3 others who had the same. Wearing a eye patch is no big deal. And you can turn it to your advantage!

Agonist

dublad23 wrote: »

I think the main thing that is bothering me is can people see past this thing and will people notice me in that "oh, he's cute" way. I am going on the initial sighting and not the getting to know a person and liking their personality as I'm quite good in that department

I often wonder about this myself. I don't have anything on my face but I have scars from self-injury. I can hide them but I know they make people respond in a certain way whan they see them and nobody can see them without changing their attitude to me a little.

Anyway, I'd put disfigurements in three categories:

1. Signs of serious problems, e.g Down syndrome features or maybe a feeding tube/sign of a terminal illness. People largely aren't going to find that person attractive in a mating instinct kind of way. (A psychiatric history is a sign of dodgy genes so I would place myself in this category in a minor way)
2. Things that look really gross, like a septic lesion or a large growth (or even manky teeth). For me, that stuff is hard to look at and negates a person's other attractive features at first but I stop seeing it after a couple of weeks.
3. Lastly, things that are very noticeable, don't look icky, and don't signify anything much else, like missing fingers and your issue. These don't affect the person's cuteness factor but I'd say they are a distraction, especially until you find out what the story behind them is.

I knew a woman who was gorgeous by any standards and was really well groomed too. She had a seriously lazy eye and it didn't make much difference to her stunning fist impression - I used to wish she'd have the op and get it fixed. I know a guy who was in a fire years ago and the skin on one side of his face is a different texture - he's an 8/10 regardless of this but it was a distraction until I heard what happened.

Maybe I'm more shallow or less observant than the average person but I hope my opinion helps anyway.

GAAman

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

As Sherifu says, some people will stare, some won't.

Me, I'd buy myself an eyepatch and work on using it to my advantage to look like a sexy bastard.

Or you could go up to a girl and say "You are so good lookin you broke my eye!!!" It would be a good icebreaker i reckon, in fact i might start usin it myself!!

randylonghorn

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Me, I'd buy myself an eyepatch and work on using it to my advantage to look like a sexy bastard.

+1

Firstly, casual passers-by will simply assume "temporary" and pay no heed; secondly, having done the pirate / eye-patch thing for Hallowe'en once or twice, I can assure you 'tis a gooooooddddd look!

Think of it this way, OP ... having had an aneurism, how much worse could have happened than a dodgy eyelid?

Get the hell out there and suck the marrow out of the bones of life, and fvck the begrudgers!!

rainbowtrout

Agonist wrote: »

3. Lastly, things that are very noticeable, don't look icky, and don't signify anything much else, like missing fingers and your issue. These don't affect the person's cuteness factor but I'd say they are a distraction, especially until you find out what the story behind them is.

I'd agree with this. When it's not a digfigurement like a burn that stands out, most people on the street don't notice in passing, and other people you meet will probably just be curious. I'm all for the pirate look, it could be something akin to a Scotsman's kilt , but failing that having a drooping eyelid hasn't stopped Thom Yorke getting places

WindSock

Or Paris Hilton