New girlfriend advice

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm looking for some advice and I would be grateful of a female perspective.
I've been seeing a really great girl for the last 4 or 5 weeks. I'm absolutely mad about her and I'd like to make sure I'm progressing things properly. We're both in our early 30's and I suppose I would be a fairly independant type and I wouldn't be used to going out with someone. I've been single for a few years and only really went out with someone for a few months at a time.
We've been on 5 or 6 dates and we talk on the phone regularly. The dates have been a mixture of dinner, live gigs or the cinema usually followed by a drink or two. The night usually ends in a nice snog but that's about it. I haven't been invited into her house yet but I guess that might be because she is a bit shy and maybe a bit private. I would like to progress things along to become a more serious relationship rather than just dating.
Is it the "done thing" to ask a girl to be your girlfriend or is it something that isn't asked?
I was thinking of inviting her around to my place for dinner and maybe arranging a day out somewhere.
I would be very grateful of any advice.
Thanks
Shyboy

MIN2511

Ask her if she would like to take things seriously as you like her and want to progress things.
Asking her around to your place seems ideal, don't over do things though(e.g. flowers)
I really am impressed that a few men still worry about such details.....

You seem to have everything covered i don't think you need any advice from us

hermit

Just make sure that she doesn't think "by making things more serious" you mean sex. i.e. if you wanna discuss the issue with her perhaps doing so after/over dinner in your place MAY give the wrong signal as to what you really mean. Having said it will be depend on the way you discuss the topic and also on the girl herself. Generally, I found that you generally just slide into these situations without actually formally discussing the "are we going out now/are you now my girlfriend/will you be my girlfriend" topic.

Best of luck with it.

Rememeber if she keeps wanting to meet up with you and its not for sex (yet) then things must be going pretty well so far.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice Min & Hermit.
I see where you are coming from hermit regarding making things more serious just for sex. That's not the reason for it so I'll have to be careful how I approach it. It just feels like we are "dating" at the moment but i would really like her to be my girlfriend. I think she's fairly old fashioned when it comes to this sort of stuff.

Any advice is appreciated...

Miss Fluff

hermit wrote: »

Generally, I found that you generally just slide into these situations without actually formally discussing the "are we going out now/are you now my girlfriend/will you be my girlfriend" topic.

Agreed. It is still early days and while I can understand your impatience I wouldn't be that keen on having that type of chat.

I think dinner in your place is a good idea though, it will be more intimate and because it won't be as distracting as a gig it will give you the chance to have a really proper chat. Cook her a really nice meal and take it from there, I wouldn't go about having a chat like that just yet.

How long have the snogs gone on for? Do you want to sleep with her? Why do you say she is old fashioned? i.e. Have you tried to drop the hand?;)

JackieO

Hi man

This actually sounds very like my relationship - although a little bit further along - almost 6 months.

My BF said to me on about our 4/5th date.........something along the lines of 'were we an item - because he wanted to be'. I thought it was very sweet. We haven't looked back since.

I also would be what I would consider very old-fashioned and appreciated the fact that my BF was not rushing things in the bedroom.

However, you also need to make your intentions clear so that you don't slide into the friends category.

I think an invite over to your place would be a really nice idea. At the end of the day, I always think you need some privacy if you're going to really get to know each other - when ye are out on dates in pubs and restaurants, thats just it - its just a date. At least at your place, it is more an attempt to invite her into your life.

She sounds like a nice girl and if she is shy and private will probably be waiting for you to make your intentions clear before she reveals what she is thinking. I think she is just being cautious. I would definately have the discussion with her about the status of your relationship. Tell her you really like her and are interested in having a relationship with her. Perhaps you could approach this by saying that you are not seeing anyone else and would like to keep it that way, or ask her if this is something she is interested in.

Don't be nervous, she's defiantely interested, she's just taking things slow.

I'm told these relationships turn out the best.

Good luck. Keep us updated on progress.