My Beautiful Friend

LegacyUser

Hey All,

I’ve been seeing a really cool guy for the last 3 months and so far so very good. He’s really funny and we get along great and make each other happy. I realise this next bit is going to sound incredibly immature and that’s because it is. I am a good looking girl, not stunning by any means but I would consider myself to be attractive and my boyfriend obviously thinks so too. I have a friend who I’ll call Lucy. She is an absolute knock out, I’m talking Angelina Jolie caliber.
We’ve been friends for years and I trust her and him so it’s not about that. My problem is this; he hasn’t met her yet and has only heard me talk about her. There’s a party on in my friends house tomorrow evening and she’s going to be there. I’m DREADING my new man meeting her because any man who meets her becomes putty in her hands. She is also a very funny, lovely person too and is only single because she has very high standards.

Anyway, I know that there are stunning women everywhere; bars, clubs, walking down the street but the difference is that she’s my friend and not just some random girl in a pub. She will be chatting to him all night and making an effort to get to know him for my benefit. I know I sound like a bitch but I’m not. I think she’s really lucky to have been blessed with such beauty and I don’t begrudge her for a second. I can’t believe I’m even feeling this way but I’m thinking of not going and coming up with some excuse. There is no way in hell that he could meet her and not fall for her. I’m almost in love with her and I’m a straight woman!! She’s irresistible.

What can I do (apart from pushing her under a bus – kidding!). Seriously, help me to cop on because I can’t keep them apart forever.

Thanks for reading and please don’t be too harsh. I can’t help feeling this way but I’m trying to deal with it. I love this girl and it upsets me that I don’t want her to be there tomorrow night. I kinda resent that she’s gonna be there. Help.

aye

are you going to stop being friends with her, or stop introducing guys to her?
i would hope not.

if the guy is worth his salt he wont be too pushed, she may be gorgeous but if he's with you and you make him happy then what does it matter.


she's a friend of yours, she wont do anything but be friendly, i presume.
your bf wot do anything either, dont worry about it.

Dragan

Despite popular opinion the majority of guys don't go out with girls based purely on their looks.

And the majority of guys that claim they do are just trying to be "cool", whatever the **** that is.

And anyone who actually does is a ****tard.

Don't worry about it. Your fella is with you for a reason.

Hellm0

I've been in two relationships now where women thought their friends would steal me away and it has yet to happen. If this guy really likes you he's not going to be interested in your friends, he may find them attractive of course(cant blame him if even you find her attractive!) but I wouldnt worry about that.

PS Love the thread title. The charlatans rock:P

MIN2511

Is this post by dudara or anonymous?

My thoughts on your situation, if your new man loves/likes you nothing can take him away and if he doesn't nothing can make him stay...
So all the best tomorrow and hopefully things work out

Sprouts

Listen this happens everyone, I don't know your fella but if your in a relationship with him there must be trust there or you have nothing. I have gone out with girls who had amazing looking mates doesn't mean Id want to run off with them.

Overheal

A Man's Moral Compass is not always equivalent to his penis.

Sherifu

Dragan wrote: »

Despite popular opinion the majority of guys don't go out with girls based purely on their looks.

Don't worry about it. Your fella is with you for a reason.

That's what I think tbh. If he's any good he won't be bothered by your friend.

ojewriej

Sherifu wrote: »

That's what I think tbh. If he's any good he won't be bothered by your friend.

Yeah, same here.

You will both meet a lot of attractive and interesting people in your life. You can't be worried about every one of them.

fsgewg

can I please have your friends phone number?

seriously though, he most likely will be attracted to her. He most likely will actually fantasize about her. You might not want to hear that, but it's absolutely true for all red blooded males. In fact, the best friend fantasy is pretty much alive and kicking even when she isn't a goddess :eek:

But there is a huge difference between wanting/thinking about it and physically doing it
Firstly, as you and everyone else has said, he's with you for a reason. Secondly, if he's serious about you he wont consider jeprodisring that. If he's not serious about you, well, then it was was only a matter of time anyway.
Thirdly, if your friend is any sort of friend, then she wouldn't dream of doing anything.

I think you have already agreed with the above. If thats the case, then the only real problem is your jealousy.
So what if he is attracted to her, so what if he is putty in her hands. If that's a power she has over all guys, then why should yours be any different. The problem with majority of these situations is the person in the middle. If you make a big fuss over it to either her or him, then you will cause a rift.... and in all likelihood it will end badly. Either you lose him... you lose her... or you lose both.

I am stating this from a past experience by the way. Except in my case it was a reversed sexes. Due to my own jealousy of the situation I ended up in a huge fight with one of my best mates.... and almost driving the two of them together against me.

I did end up staying with the girl for a while, but it was forever a wedge in the relationship.
I have since learned that jealousy is for the weak. We can all feel a little jealous, but it's something that must be controlled.
Note, this freedom you allow your partner comes with rules... i.e. you don't fly into jealous rage, but if he ever does actually let you down, then it become a very big deal (unless your the type of couple that is down with that sort of thing;)).
When someone understands this as part of a relationship... everything is much simpler.


So, at the end of all that, my advice is to take control of your jealousy. Go to the party. There is not that much wrong with a bit of friendly flirting / oogling. A lot of people will disagree, or maybe find that hard to comprehend.... but more open/understanding relationships can handle small issues like this.

wow, that's some rambling. First time posting advice in this forum too...lol, and it's about relationships....

LadyJ

OP, no matter how "universally hot" someone is, it is safe to say that there will always be people who do not find them physically attractive. Also, I'm sure your friend is lovely and all but your boyfriend fell in love with you for lots of reasons I'm sure. Personality, sense of humour etc. It'll be fine.

I have a hot friend and my boyfriend thinks she's weird looking. Guess it's just different strokes and all that.

IrishMike

Uglyduckling wrote: »

He’s really funny and we get along great and make each other happy.

Most important thing you wrote to be honest.
Looks are great but after a few months looks become secondary to things
like sense of humour, patience, kindness, attitudes, personality etc
Its not every day you meet someone you think is attractive and you
connect with, its very damn rare ask all the single people out there.
Im sure your b/f has seen lots of hot women since ye started going out, im
sure he has good looking female friends, doesnt matter though because he
is going out with you for more reasons that physical appearance.
Oh and just because you think she is great, doesnt mean he will like her
There is a difference between lust and love, you should remember that

jdivision

I think you should have a higher opinion of your boyfriend and show him some trust.

LegacyUser

Thanks a million for the replies guys, feel better already. I'm just gonna go to the party and be my usual wonderful self and have fun instead of worrying that he's falling for her. Self confidence is also very attractive so if I start acting like an insecure jealous baby it'll only make her apear evn more attractive to him.

Thanks guys!

tbh

I feel sorry for you, you must be tearing yourself up about this - it's human nature. All I can say is, think of your friend as an arsehole filter. If he makes a move on her or whatever, then it saves you both a lot of hassle in the long term.

maria

OP i know where you're coming from. my best friend is the same- stunningly gorgeous and one of the lovliest people you'll ever meet. i mean i wouldn't be so close to her if she wasn't a really cool girl, i think she's funny, caring and all the rest!
BUT, you really needn't worry. if i've learnt anything over the years is that everyone has different tastes. when my current boyfriend met my friend he thought she was 'boring'. physical attractiveness only gets you so far, if you've been seeing this guy for 3 months i'd bet that your personality plays a huge part in what he likes about you, men aren't so shallow as to only care about looks.
so don't worry, go to the party and show him off. your friend is probably really excited about meeting him after hearing so much about him, which i also think is really nice cause it shows that she cares.

Catari Jaguar

My (ex) friend was a model, like an actual proper agency model. She was really popular too. But she was a tool and my boyf helped me see what a selfish, insecure eejit she was. He hated her, and he didn't see what the big fuss was about when she got lad attention in clubs. That said, I always got about as much or more attention...

So you know, beauty is in the eye and different strokes and all that jazz...

Don't worry about it. Let your confidence and fun ooze out.

Eviledna

I was previously worried about the exact same situation, and low and behold, my current boyf didn't find her attractive in the least bit! And I mean really didn't find her attractive, not just the saying it to be kind type of response. I was chuffed and realised that beauty indeed is in the eye of the beholder!

Basically, don't stress it, be more confident than you usually are, because he is with you.

Mrs_Doyle

Uglyduckling wrote: »

I’ll call Lucy. She is an absolute knock out, I’m talking Angelina Jolie caliber.

I think we all have a friend like this tbh.

However, you BF fancies you, he likes your personality, and even if he does find your mate attractive, its YOU he's interested in.

LegacyUser

Have some confidence in yourself! Go to the party and enjoy the night.

challengemaster

Uglyduckling wrote: »

There is no way in hell that he could meet her and not fall for her.

Well, actually there is. I can certainly say that if I was with someone*, I could meet 30 hollywood celebs, have them all drool over me, and still walk away with the person I care about. No falling for anyone.. Really depends on the person, and how they/their feelings are, etc.. Go, enjoy the party, see what happens.

People spend too much time worrying about what could happen, instead of doing things that actually can happen/making things happen.

Zascar

I don't think your being unreasonable, you are entitled to feel that way. I think best to casually tell him to please not drool over her when he meets her and have a little respect for you. He'll probably do that anyway but just to be sure. It'll be fine...

Let us know how it goes

Davei141

Zascar wrote: »

I don't think your being unreasonable, you are entitled to feel that way. I think best to casually tell him to please not drool over her when he meets her and have a little respect for you. He'll probably do that anyway but just to be sure. It'll be fine...

Let us know how it goes

Jesus whatever you do dont take that advice. Just chill out go the party and have fun, bit more trust in the people you care about wouldnt go amiss.

WindSock

Uglyduckling wrote: »

I think she’s really lucky to have been blessed with such beauty

Sounds more like a curse to me, if thats how you see her.

funloving

Two of my best friends are models so you can imagine they way the look and how stunning they are...
I have NEVER been jealous and I actually love going out with them and I soon introduced them to my bf..
If you start worrying about any good looking girl you are ****ed...and I can guarantee that sometimes guys cheat on their stunning girls with ugly monsters so...

Talliesin

Uglyduckling wrote: »

There is no way in hell that he could meet her and not fall for her. I’m almost in love with her and I’m a straight woman!! She’s irresistible.

This woman does not exist.

Really, have you ever met a man that it would be impossible for you not to completely fall for? Why then believe that this friend of yours is a modern Deirdre of the Sorrows?

Unless he's some sort of horn-dog that's going to be trying it on with any woman he meets anyway the strongest likely reaction from him is, "Yeah, she's pretty hot. Pleasing on the eye, and perfectly charming. Nice woman." and then his focus will return to you.

Also likely are "yeah, I suppose she is kinda pretty" and "huh? I thought you said she was very hot".

Even the first one isn't a problem.

Lil Kitten wrote: »

My (ex) friend was a model, like an actual proper agency model.

The only time I ever taken a model out for dinner it was because I felt someone ought to feed the poor waif! I really didn't find her that hot. There really isn't any sort of objective measure of beauty or attractiveness.

AnonoBoy

Zascar wrote: »

I don't think your being unreasonable, you are entitled to feel that way. I think best to casually tell him to please not drool over her when he meets her and have a little respect for you. He'll probably do that anyway but just to be sure. It'll be fine...

Let us know how it goes

What sort of guy would drool all over their girlfriend's best friend no matter how good looking she is? Please OP do not take this advice. If a girlfriend said this to me I would be pretty insulted, as if she thought that I was so easily distracted that I would forget all about her and just start drooling at any hot girl I saw.

OP - if your boyfriend is with you then it's because he's attracted to you. You may not be as good-looking as your friend but believe me when I say that looks aren't all that men look for in a girlfriend. Sure he will see your friend and notice that she's very good-looking but that no more than you would see a really hot guy and notice how good-looking he is before returning your attention to your boyfriend.

Sangre

Zascar wrote: »

I think best to casually tell him to please not drool over her when he meets her and have a little respect for you. He'll probably do that anyway but just to be sure. It'll be fine...

I think that would be possibly one of the most insulting things a gf could say to me and would no doubt result in a huge fight. I would consider it a slap in the face and two fingers up to any standards I have on respect, relationships and plain common decency.

Call Me Jimmy

tbh wrote: »

I feel sorry for you, you must be tearing yourself up about this - it's human nature. All I can say is, think of your friend as an arsehole filter. If he makes a move on her or whatever, then it saves you both a lot of hassle in the long term.

Good point. OP I completely understand how ye feel and what tbh says above is the best way to look at it.