Hate the way I look

LegacyUser

For years I've battled with myself over an issue that I just cant resolve with myself. How I look. I know looks aren't the be all and end all of things, but for some reason I cant just accept how I am. I spent years being overweight and eventually lost the weight through exercise and a change in diet. For a while I was fine. But now I find myself hating how I look once again. I saw photos of myself on a night out, and frankly, they just depressed me. I've always had quite a large, barrel chest, and it's made me think I look bigger than I'd like. I've never been 'skinny.' I've been told I don't need to lose any weight, and that I'm a good looking guy, but somehow I just cant accept it. I exercise regularly and watch what I eat. I don't go up in weight, nor do I go down. I just maintain how I am and nothing seems to change. I just wish I could accept who I am and stop worrying about this issue so much.

spinandscribble

firstly, most girls dont like skinny guys. barrel chests are the classical definition of 'hot' according to my classical studies lecturers anyway. work on your muscles, arms, -defintion.

LegacyUser

LooksNotGood wrote: »

I've been told I don't need to lose any weight, and that I'm a good looking guy, but somehow I just cant accept it.

Why can't you accept it? Who is telling you this that you don't let yourself believe it? Like is it a girlfriend or a mate because generally i've found these opinions to be the most honest you can get. Though it also boosts confidence if the people that think you're good looking are good looking people themselves, shallow as it sounds!
I went through a stage of feeling like that myself til i realised I was probably the only one scrutinising my looks so much as like the previous poster said, most girls don't like skinny guys

estar

its not the weight you need to lose now, its the negative
self thoughts, the over critical over focus on your appearance

your friends and loved ones dont like you for your appearance
they like you for you.

so you must accept yourself and love yourself at all weights.

its ok to be healthy, but we mustnt make it the measure of
how much we like ourselves. neither do we judge on physical
appearance.

i know your thoughts are real, but you must start challenging them
and listening to the feedback you are getting from friends
as it would seem your self perception has been distorted by
those years of being an unhealhty weight

look at the bodywhys website for where these thoughts
might take you

a counsellor could really help you reflect in a guided way on
why you feel like this

Attol

Right now it seems that skinny guys are fashionable. Not my thing at all! If I were you I wouldn't worry about it so much. I personally prefer guys who are a bit built. Maybe it's the cavegirl in me wanting a nice strong boyfriend to protect me, heh. Low self esteem is a pain to get rid of. No matter how much people tell you you're good looking it takes you figuring it out yourself to make it work. Force yourself to be confident for a bit, it may not be sincere at first but you'll learn to get over your insecurities a bit that way.

Marksie

Hi OP. The issue here isn't the weight it is all down to how you percieve yourself.

So all the issues comes from your self view, self worth and self esteem.

Not from any physical deficiency, whihc i seriously doubt you have.

All the people telling you you look good, are grand etc. Are not going to have an effect until you look at yourself and start believing yourself.

But you know all this logically, but not emotionally or psychologically.

With what i do, the self acceptance is a large part of beginning any of the processes. It comes from looking at yourself, literally at times in the mirror and asking yourself why do i feel like this? what is the root cause?
There are things you could do to reaffirm your positive self image, It may be as simple as touching every part of your body and "honouring" it for what it does for you, and merely noting and not dwelling on negative aspects or thoughts that occur.
It may be more mantra like in that every day you repeat to yourself how you are perfect being you, and how unique you are, how worthy you are: getting comfortable in your own skin.

It has happened to me that when i have been doing this, a thought often unbidden, has popped up and i have set it aside for a while and come back to it and seen where its come from and that has helped me to sort out the issue.

However, if that seems a little strange to be doing, it may mean you initially explore the issues with the aid of professional counselling.

Its an ongoing process to for as you detremine the cause of one issue, another will pop up, because its unlikely to be one buig thing overall, but a layering of things.

It takes time and effort and can initially seem to be a slow and unrewarding process, but it will allow you to overcome your self view in the end.

Best of luck

lizzyvera

I think if you're a teenager, how you feel is normal but if you're older you should know by now that nobody really minds what your chest looks like!

Overheal

Im a big build myself. I watched myself get heavier and heavier as I grew up and it was depressing getting told about it constantly. In hindsight: You are growing up - adding height, and mass anyway as a result. So naturally, you are going to have an increasing or a stunted weight during your adolescence as your body develops.

By my late teens this growth game to a stall for me: you learn to ween yourself off the daily junk food and eat when youre hungry. At that stage you bring you seriously cut off the dramatic increases in your weight as it finds a close equilibrium between what goes in, what goes out, and what you burn off. I try to stick with a diet (the word diet has been demonised: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diet_%28nutrition%29) that both suits my lifestyle and my tastes.

Once you directly relate your diet to your lifestyle - instead of thinking of eating as just a chore or an aside - your physique becomes a reflection of your lifestyle: your image becomes a reflection of your lifestyle. Hence, when you reach a point of your life when you like the way you are living, you will happily look at yourself in the mirror and say "This is me". For me: I like beer, and I like cheese and fruit perishes too quickly (so I rarely get any), and I spend ridiculous lengths of time in front of a computer both professionally and recreationally. I don't drive and walking most places suits me just fine; often preferring it over a taxi or having to keep track of a bicycle. And thats the guy I see in the mirror, and thats the guy that my friends seem to like. I see myself in the mirror. He's not lookin' too bad at the moment either.

OP, what do you see in the mirror?

mrsdewinter

OP, we're all like this. In five years time, you'll see those pictures again and you won't believe how cute you were. Why wait five years? Enjoy the way you look now NOW. I agree with whoever said barrel chests were hot. Russell Crowe, Richard Burton,... real men. And you're sensitive too. Really hot.