31 and far behind

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there with similar problems to me. Basically, Im 31, and I have no direction in my life. I have a long term GF and all I want is to marry her, have a house and settle down. But this seems impossible when I dont want to settle down in Dublin. I want to move back home to my own County but employment is not really there.
We could make a go of Dublin, get a mortgage here etc but I would be very unhappy in the long term.
All my friends are either married or engaged, and have houses. One of my friends wife is even pregnant. Everyone seems to be getting on with their lives except me.
Im also pretty broke, my job doesn't pay very well. How much were you earning at 31?
Should i just "cop on" and be happy with what I have? Its so hard though.
Id like to set up my own business but I have no clue in what.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

heavyheart

Does your GF want to move ? Is she unhappy ?

Cathkins

If you're unhappy where you are located then maybe you should talk to your girlfriend about it? Is there other potential places you would like to live? Weigh up the pros and cons of these places and decide whether it would be worth moving!

You're not old at 31, you're not tied down to mortgage and you already state that you're unhappy in the job?
If the move would make you happier in your life then why not go for it?

jdivision

Get another job? Ask yourself why owning a house is one of your priorities in life? Why have you already decided you'd be unhappy in Dublin. How long have you been living there?

Mr. Incognito

ask your girlfiend what she wants.

How Strange

I'd say stop comparing yourself to your friends and other people. Value what you have and try to find ways of improving the things you don't like. Also, accept that somethings just might not be possible i.e. great job at home. It doesn't mean that everything is negated by that.

IMO, comparing yourself to other people is a recipe for disaster. By thinking of what you don't have you will be constantly miserable. Contentment is hard to find but is priceless.

Every time you compare yourself to X, Y or Z or think if only I had A, B or C I would be happy then stop yourself and try to focus on all the good things in your life.

Beruthiel

isitnormal wrote: »

All my friends are either married or engaged, and have houses. One of my friends wife is even pregnant. Everyone seems to be getting on with their lives except me.

So what?
There are no set rules on how to live your life, it isn't a race. You've got to change your mind set on that one.
First off, decide what it is you want to do with your life.
Talk to your g/f, see if she wants to move to your country. If not, work out what your next step is from there. Pick one thing at a time and change what it is you'd like to change.

NextSteps

isitnormal wrote: »

I have a long term GF and all I want is to marry her, have a house and settle down. But this seems impossible when I dont want to settle down in Dublin. I want to move back home to my own County but employment is not really there.

Ask her to marry you. You don't need a house for that, and it needn't cost the earth either.

Do you have to stick to what you're doing? The pay isn't great, and it means you can't live in your own county. Is there anything you could move to?

So you don't have a house, so what. It means you can make these kind of changes. Renting isn't some mark of failure, you know.

Have you discussed it all with your girlfriend? If not, do!

Coffea

I'd agree with the other posters who've said that you need to stop comparing yourself with others. I'm sometimes guilty of doing the same! My other half always tells me to cop on to myself and live my own life.:)

Regarding starting your own business, maybe you should start reading business magazines and looking at the profiles/biographies of some successful entrepreneurs. You might get a bit of inspiration from what other people have done and an idea might suddenly hit you...

Maybe you could set something up on a very small scale and see how it progresses? You could initially use your weekends and evenings to work on your business idea and if it takes off in the long-term, you might be able to quit the day job altogether.

When it comes to setting up your own business the fact that you don't have kids, a mortgage etc. might make it a little bit easier to take some calculated risks (i.e. you don't have to worry about feeding hungry little ones!). Think about the positive side of things and good luck with everything

Quality

isitnormal wrote: »

Hi all,
I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there with similar problems to me. Basically, Im 31, and I have no direction in my life. I have a long term GF and all I want is to marry her, have a house and settle down. But this seems impossible when I dont want to settle down in Dublin. I want to move back home to my own County but employment is not really there.
We could make a go of Dublin, get a mortgage here etc but I would be very unhappy in the long term.
All my friends are either married or engaged, and have houses. One of my friends wife is even pregnant. Everyone seems to be getting on with their lives except me.
Im also pretty broke, my job doesn't pay very well. How much were you earning at 31?
Should i just "cop on" and be happy with what I have? Its so hard though.
Id like to set up my own business but I have no clue in what.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Getting a mortgage in Dublin does not have to be a long term thing.. If the job scene is a bit better for you in Dublin, why dont you try and make a go of things here and then in a couple of years time reassess your life. Hopefully with a bit of luck you will have made a few quid off your house and will be in a better postition to get up on your feet in your home town.

Best of luck with whatever you choose..

LegacyUser

Ok, I will stop comparing myself to others. One of my biggest problems though is trying to decide what to do NOW as it will probably determine the rest of my life. In the past, I've had alot of different jobs, ranging from entertainment to manufacturing. One of the reasons I am where I am is because I follow my GF around the place rather than do my own thing. This is because Im afraid of losing her etc. Stupid I know.
We have talked about this, but I feel like a homesick baby each time I do talk about it. My GF would say I complain alot and that I should just do what I feel is right. But its so hard to make decisions.

Coffea

UB wrote: »

Ask her to marry you. You don't need a house for that, and it needn't cost the earth either.

I agree. If getting married is something that would make you happy then just go for it!

Don't worry that you don't have a house. I'm married and (shock, horror ) not a home-owner. More and more of my friends are engaged and planning weddings but they've no intention of buying a house for another few years.

How Strange

also, you have a girl you love and who loves you and whom you want to marry. If you're familiar with PI at all you will know that is a rare and wonderful thing to have.