Tokophobia

LadyJ

Just read a post on PI that mentioned this.

Tokophobia is the fear of childbirth.....Now, I don't know about any of the other women here but I just thought everyone was terrified of giving birth! I didn't realise that there was a name for it.

Can this really be described as a phobia per se? I don't find it irrational in the slightest! Just reading the wikipedia article, they seem to make out like it's not normal to be freaked out by the idea of squeezing another human being out of your vagina. Sorry but if I were to let myself really think about childbirth a lot on a regular basis then I would surely be having panic attacks too!

Also, I read some other article on tokophobia that was saying that the reason this phobia has come about is due to the unrealistic way in which labour is portrayed in films etc. Does anyone agree? I don't know, I have heard first hand from many of my friends who have children that yes, labour is extremely fcuking painful! Why should anyone not be afraid of it? In fact, I'd almost consider being afraid of childbirth a woman's right rather than a phobia!

What do we think?

bronte

I for one am terrified!
A few years ago I discovered what an episiotomy is and since then have been petrified about the whole thing.
I was suprised it was considered a phobia, as I don't consider it irrational at all! :eek:
I dunno guys, I just hope that by the time I'm considering having children there'll be some amazing, pain free, dreamy, floaty way to do this.
I will provide a large sum of money to its inventor!

Be interested to hear other views on this.

Chet T16

LadyJ wrote: »

Also, I read some other article on tokophobia that was saying that the reason this phobia has come about is due to the unrealistic way in which labour is portrayed in films etc. Does anyone agree?

Me wife is doing her midwifery at the minute and she has commented on how unrealistic TV births are.

She sees births all day everyday and still comes homes looking for one of her own so it can't be as bad as made out

ballymary

what sane woman wouldnt be afraid of squeezing a person out through her vagina!!! i love kids but ive never had that strong urge that it had to come from my vagina!! i always fancied adopting-giving an existing kid a break...but if my hubby really wanted his own kid....could i actually do it?? it crosses my mind alot...

Peared

Theres a huge difference between being tokophobic and being scared of childbirth.

Everybody fears childbirth to some degree, some people get quite freaked out and sick and panicky at the thought.

But this is nothing like tokophobia. Kinda like the spiders thing. Not many people like them and a lot of people wont touch them and scream when they see them etc but you wouldnt say they are phobic as such.

If you ever come across a pregnant tokophobic woman, you wont forget it in a hurry. The fear is heartbreaking and theres only one way to go.

Nightwish

I reckon I've got tokophobia. I do not ever ever ever want to have children. I know that this may anger some ladies but I think childbirth is probably one of the most unnatural occurances in a womans life. Its demeaning, disgusting, horrendously painful and something I could never ever do.

Seraphina

hrm, i wouldn't exactly say i've got tokophobia, but i do agree with Nightwish, apart from maybe the unnatural and demeaning aspects, i reckon childbirth is pretty ****ing horrific.

i remember when i was about 9, i saw a program on tv which showed proper childbirth in all its glory, the blood, the piss, the poo and the ripping skin :shocked: it scared the bleedin shoite out of me! pretty much decided then and there i didn't want to have kids, though as i've grown older i've developed a number of other reasons that aren't based on a 9 year olds traumatic viewing of a tv program.

frankly though, how anyone could ever put them through that just to have their own screaming brat is frankly bizarre. if the mothering instinct ever kicks in, i'll probably adopt.

pumpkinpixie

I am one of the many stuck in this terrible situation I have only recently found out about the name for this and that i am not alone!
I cant think of a specific event that caused this,its been with me as long as i can remember, i remember being 4 years old and getting a doll for my birthday and wishing that she would come to life if i looked after her well enough so that i wouldnt have to die having a real one when i was a grown up...at 4 years old!
I am 26 , and up till now i haven't had to really confront the issue in relation to me as i never thought id be with anyone that would love me enough to think about...that sort of thing...However 2 and a half years ago i met my soulmate, we moved in together, got engaged,whenever the subject of kids was raised by him i jus laughed it off and changed the subject , now i am so sad. he'd be a great dad i can so painfully see that, and if i could just make a baby appear in front of me right now i would...i can feel time ticking and my partner is sooo nicce and knows how i feel now and will go with whatever i choose ...but i am so scared and so torn and i need help but i dont know where to go or what to do.

Is it possible to get over?
Is there anyone out there who has got over it that can tell me how?

Weidii

Nightwish wrote: »

I think childbirth is probably one of the most unnatural occurances in a womans life.

As a biologist I'd have to disagree. True, as humans our gestation period is quite lengthy, thus our young are born quite large, but if they were born much younger/smaller than they are now they just wouldn't have the same chance at survival. It's a painful but necessary comprimise.

All that said, a phobia is afterall irrational, so I'd never look down on anyone for being afraid of childbirth. My own phobia is quite silly afterall


Just out of curiosity; is the phobia just for natural childbirth, or can it kick in for cesarian sections too?

Seraphina

pumpkinpixie wrote: »

he'd be a great dad i can so painfully see that, and if i could just make a baby appear in front of me right now i would...i can feel time ticking and my partner is sooo nicce and knows how i feel now and will go with whatever i choose ...but i am so scared and so torn and i need help but i dont know where to go or what to do.

Is it possible to get over?
Is there anyone out there who has got over it that can tell me how?

why not adopt? i know its a lengthly process and its not quite the same, but its also great to know that you're helping an unfortunate child live a better life and get better opportunities than they might otherwise.

there's no real reason to have your own kids in this overpopulated world, apart from the natural instinct to procreate, which is silly considering the human race is very far from dying out.
there are so many orphans that would be thrilled to have a happy loving couple to raise them! the only thing that makes it seem weird are chemicals in your brain that over rule your sense!

Alice1

Pumpkinpixie, my heart goes out to you. I was the same as you, absolutely terrifed of the childbirth experience - although I did like sweet cute little babies.

I became pregnant and was in a state at the doctors - what am I going to do? I just can't do the childbirth thing etc etc. The doc was lovely and said lots of ladies are equally scared and she reminded me that having an epidural takes away the pain.

Magic! I had the epidural for all three of my children and believe me I will die grateful to the person who came up with the idea. It is super.

Don't have children just to please your hubby - you will just resent him and them. But if you do want children, then learn all you can about pain relief - it will ease your fears a lot.

I didn't find giving birth the least bit demeaning - in fact I have to say I found it an empowering experience.

Best of luck my dear and big hugs to you.