Lonesome

LegacyUser

Hey, I'm noticing these threads building up but here's mine anyway...I'm 20, which I'm also havin some issues dealin with, feel like I should be somewhere else in life...and this is where it really starts to get me. Not been in a proper relationship since summer 07, which was a bit of a crappy one anyway. Despite this I've had three "almost" relatioships which failed miserably within weeks, two of which were really important to me, so to speak, like I really liked em and would have done anything to make it work...Before the summer I had been with a guy who I worshipped, would have been happy to settle down with him, even now if he asked me in the morning I'd marry him...but he's been with his ex since we broke up, they're continually at eachothers throats fighting and me and him are still very close friends but when I'm honest with myself I never see us being together again, and that in itself kills...

I know among the responses I'll get are at least these two things, don't try so hard and you don't need a man in your life to be happy/complete.

I never have tried that hard, when I was younger I was never all that popular with the guys, I was one of the lads more than anything, but from about 16-17 on it got easier and easier. I never went out of my way to, "look sexy" or whatever, just dressed how I wanted, how suited me. I never tried to get guys, I was me, I still am and if people like it well and good. From about 18 right through to 20 I was pretty popular with guys, always very confident etc and would attract attention in that way.

As for "needing" a fella, I don't, I know full well I don't. I just like to have someone there that I know is "mine" so to speak, that I know is there for me, that I can cuddle up with the watch a movie or whatever...

But not long before christmas, I decided to take a year out of college, change my course n stuff, so I got a full time job to support myself for the time being. The job has very sporadic hours and as a result I never get to go out at all, to see my friends or anything really, plus I'm always broke with rent but sure can still head out without much money! Anyway lately, what with literally only ever being in work or at home, I feel like I've no friends left other than the people I work with, and I never even get the chance to go out and meet new people at all, nevermind fellas! And as a result of all this I've been very very down the past few weeks...

On the upside I have applied for a new job closer to home, which will still have slightly sporadic hours but it will cut the commute, so I'll have an extra two hours in my day, and the money will be better, so I guess things are on the up...

Sorry this is so long, just really been wanting to get this out for ages...

kev_s88

thats exactly the way i feel.except im only 19 and still liveing at home and i went straight into full time employment after college.been the worst 6 months of my life so far.fair enough the money is good and given that i dont have much to spend it on that im saving a lot.but id prefer to be able to get out and be with friends or meet new people.

i work in a small office with only 5 people, one of whom is my brother.the other 3 guys all have their own lives.

the only advice i can give is to just stick it out until that one time you do go out and you find the right guy.then everything will have been worthwhile

Defenestrate

Same boat here guys, 20 years old on a year out of college working. It's hard at first but it WILL pick up if you put effort into it. I'm not gonna tell you not to try too hard at all, quite the opposite. If you don't get yourself out there then you're not gonna meet anyone. That doesn't necessarily mean you need a bf/gf though, it's a desire for company you feel and that can be achieved by friends too.

My personal situation was that I was working in Dublin, living alone with no family anywhere near me. My friends were a great laugh the last year but were just not proactive enough to ring me up and invite me along anywhere as nights out etc were usually impromptu decisions when we all lived together. I went through the same range of emotions, loneliness, considered getting a girlfriend just for the company etc.

Anyway, you have to take the initiative and invite your friends out somewhere, it's very easy to organise a time to meet up somewhere central like town and just go to the cinema where you can remind them you still exist! When I did this I would also hint heavily for them to invite me along the next time they headed out, which they did.

Additionally, don't feel too shy to swallow your pride and text them now and again. This keeps you in touch and means they'll invite you along with any recent plans, you kinda find out who your real friends are when some respond to your efforts and are pleased to keep you in the loop whilst others are laid back and not too bothered.

Now, you might be thinking "yeah but I never have the time, I'm tired etc...". Well you cant be working ALL the time, a couple of vodka red bulls will keep you partying long into the night without having to stagger into work the next day hungover assuming you dont have a day off.

At the end of the day, what's the worst that can happen if you try? You fail? Oh big deal, those people werent talking to you any more anyway lol. I personally feel I've got much stronger from my 'ordeal' so to speak, I'm more brazen now (I wasnt exactly shy before!) and much more friendly and outgoing as I really appreciate it now. I've made friends through friends and socialised with whole new groups of people whom I barely new cos I tagged along with the new friends I'd made, it's amazing what a night out can do for making friendships (if youre a good laugh without making a fool of yourself that is!) Additionally I think I've matured a great deal, wanting a relationship for the company is a heck more mature than wanting it for eh.. y'know :rolleyes:

These days I have plenty of friends to socialise with again on the weekends (and sometimes during the week if I can handle the day of work as a zombie the next day) and am always bumping into people I know around and about, its amazing how everything falls into place. Although, I still cant wait to go back to college!

It's tough, and I know it's tough cos I took the time to write out this big long post, work screwing with your social life sucks but if you try, you can at least make it a little bit better. Ireland is very clicky, especially Dublin and it can be hard to make friends and feel isolated here which really gets you down. But if you try, it will at least get a bit better, right? Anyone can message me here or pm me or something if they want to talk about it some more, in more detail. Even though I sympathise alot I'm not gonna post in too much detail for all to see!

Dudess

I personally think all three of you should consider going back to college. You don't realise now how exceptionally young 19/20 is, but it is. You're much too young to be working full-time.

KrazeeEyezKilla

Dudess wrote: »

I personally think all three of you should consider going back to college. You don't realise now how exceptionally young 19/20 is, but it is. You're much too young to be working full-time.

That's the best option. I'm 22 and have been working for most of the last three years and I'm bored. I thinking of going to college next year (I can't go this year) and I'm only two years away from a degree (If I could get a job from an Ordinary degree after one year I'd take it). I would rather have a job that interests me than a better paid job that bores me.

Dudess

And it's not just the job prospects but the social life, the new friends - you could end up making fantastic new mates. If you're 21 by September/October I know you might be put off by the fact the class will have 17-year-olds in it. Believe me, there's barely any difference. There'll also be plenty of 21-year-olds, as well as 31-year-olds, 41-year-olds. 21 is not one bit late to be going back to college.
I went back at 23 and finished up at 28 (worked for a year between 26 and 27). Best thing I ever did. Had a brilliant time and made fantastic friends. Some of them are my age, some of them are five years younger. It doesn't matter though - age gaps narrow as you get older.

LegacyUser

Ah I'm not a complete introvert and I get the whole you learn who your friends are at times like this thing, I've a few left over from college, where at the time I had tonnes, but even then I could tell the ones I'd be closest to later in life...

I'm an exceptionally confident person and can talk to total randomers, and have made some pretty good friends from doing so.

I've reapplied to college, for courses I'll enjoy and be good at, I left cuz I was miserable in my course, wasn't me at all, my mates were the only things that made me wanna stay cuz I knew I'd miss em...

As for the relationship bit, having a bf for sex, thats as good as a fcuk buddy, I've been in those situations, they're fun for about a week, then you get bored and want to do summit else other than have sex, (I can hear people screaming FREAK at the screen reading this now but there is more to life people!) don't get me wrong, sex is all good but being able to go for a walk on the beach with an ice cream, all wrapped up against the cold is sometimes far nicer...:) hey I can't help being a romantic! We can all dream!
Anyway, I learned a long time ago if I want sex that bad just go to XXI for a few hours or summit!

As for having time and no time, believe it, no time, get up at 5am, work from 7-3, home by 5pm WRECKED, so end up falling asleep on the couch before 9, could sleep right through to 11 the next day, then get up for work at 3 that day till 11...home at 12, bed...my days off are spent catching up on sleep, maybe go in to college to see mates, or doing groceries, washing, general duties of living in the real world...

kev_s88

yep i agree about going back to college.im going starting this summer after failing my LC.but im already starting to notice that the friends i had through school are already starting to come out less due to college friends.and with my reduced social life im seeing my friends less and less.im beginning to feel like an outsider even if theres only 3 or 4 of us out.and its a horrible feeling.

but i cant wait to go to college and finally get on woth my life and meet new people.one thing ive always been good at was integrating in new groups.

and to lonely boo, its good to see that there is still the odd romantic out there.

Dudess

Oooh! Do I see a beautiful friendship blossoming...?

Lonely Boo wrote: »

As for having time and no time, believe it, no time, get up at 5am, work from 7-3, home by 5pm WRECKED, so end up falling asleep on the couch before 9, could sleep right through to 11 the next day, then get up for work at 3 that day till 11...home at 12, bed...my days off are spent catching up on sleep, maybe go in to college to see mates, or doing groceries, washing, general duties of living in the real world...

Ah now. That's no way to be living at 20! If you didn't apply to the CAO, then do a PLC course next autumn. Or else try to find a job with nicer hours. That kind of tiredness is not good for you.

kev_s88

Dudess wrote: »

Oooh! Do I see a beautiful friendship blossoming...?

haha you crack me up