Cant Choose Your Family

blaze1

Just after xmas we had a christening for my child, my brother came over from the uk and a couple of mates one of which was the god father.
They day/evening went well, a few scoops and a good time was being had by all, until later on that night, i was upstairs with my mate and his missus looking at my little bundle of joy etc etc, and on returning downstairs I was horrified to see my bro trying to have a row with my wife!!!

He said that she was taking the mick out of him, and she just looked shocked! Then went off sulking insistant that it was my wifes fault. so we left it for the night.

He came downstairs the next morning expecting an apology (we've all done stupid things when we've had a few!) but no, he still wanted to argue, I wasn't having it and promptly showed him the door, I said no bad words to him although i was fuming.

Am I right in thinking that I should cut him out completly. If he would have argued with me that would have been one thing, but to pick a fight with his brothers wife is completly out of order.

I heard nothing from him until yesterday I got an email from him, people are saying to give him a chance, but I just feel completly insulted by this?!?!?!?

any advice taken

cheers

Leeby

Was the argument particularly bad? are you sure it was all your brothers fault?

Even if it his your brother who's completely in the wrong I wouldn't say it's worth it to cut him out of your life over one argument, he's your brother after all. Does he realise his mistake now? By which I mean will he apologise to your wife? If he apologises I don't see why you can't just make up and get past this.

Hrududu

How exactly did your wife insult him? It sounds like we are only getting half the story.

blaze1

she said to him, so whats the problem>? they were talking about the situation with him and his bird, I couldn't imagine my missus saying it too him in a bad way, my little sister was there in front of all this, and I spoke to her on her own and said that nothing was said in a bad context and that he just lost the plot!!!

Weidii

Sounds like he took her up the wrong way.

No point in losing family over misunderstanding and arguments.

biko

Sit down with brother and wife and get it all out.
Don't be so quick to cut ties with family, they're the most likely to stick with you when friends fail.

Puffin

Families are complex, and big family events can often bring out the worst in people.

I’d focus on the most important things- you have a wonderful new baby you and you wife are thrilled with; and when your wife is in a difficult situation with your family the two of you pull together and support each other.

As for your brother? Don’t get anxious waiting for an apology. Is it really logical to expect an apology from someone who would behave like he did in the first place?

I’d ercommedn having a serious think about what you can and cn’t expect from him. And then being happy for the good bits (coming form England etc) and never ask for him to give you anything beyond that. That way he’s less likely to let you down

seahorse

Hi Blaze1. I was surprised reading your post; only for a few different details your post could almost have been written by my bloke! I had the mother and father of all rows with my bf's brother last year. The effect it had on everyone, on all sides, was just awful. :mad:

Basically this bloke has a few screws loose, no doubt about it. This was a few weeks before his wedding and my great indiscretion was literally this: to ask him how the wedding plans were going! :eek: He somehow took that and malformed it in his mind to mean - wait for it - you are screwing around on your bird!!! :eek: (If anyone can translate one to mean the other please tell me how you did it, because I'm still trying to work that out)

Anyway, there was murder; him roaring and shouting and me doing the same, the pair of us standing toe to toe with our fingers in eachothers faces and spit flying everywhere! If he'd have been anyone else I'd have gone for him and if I'd have been anyone else no doubt he'd have gone for me. It was a really nasty scene and I still haven’t gotten over it, principally because although his brother has apologised (to my bloke) for one particularly nasty comment he made in the middle of his tirade, what he has NEVER done is acknowledge that he started the sh!tstorm in the first place, and his fiancée who I had only met a few times but who I had got on well with and had come to like was left to believe that I'd had horrible comments to make regarding her fiancée supposedly having been screwing around just weeks before her wedding! :eek: I'm still pissed off about the girl having been lead to believe that, but I suppose some women just take 'stand by your man' to ridiculous extremes.

I am telling you all this because this has caused problems between my partner and me. He wants myself and his brother to "Make our peace", but how can I do that when I am still so insulted that he never insisted his brother accept responsibility for starting the whole thing out of nothing?

Since your wife, like myself, did nothing to deserve what came at her my advice to you would be to be careful in your handling of this and be sure to let your wife see that you are very much in her corner, because if you don't it could lead to problems down the line. In order for this to be resolved what needs to happen in your case is what never happened in mine; your brother needs to accept that he started the whole thing. I wasn’t even arsed about an apology; I just wanted him to accept that he’d started it and that I’d said nothing offensive to set him off.

My own issue is still utterly unresolved as far as I'm concerned and it will certainly raise it's ugly head again as I haven't seen his brother since that incident and there's just no way I'm going to any family functions etc where I might run into him, especially where there'd be drink involved. (yeah, he was plastered that night) But sooner or later my bf will want me to attend some do or something that’s really important to him and I'll refuse and then the whole thing will be dragged up again. There's just no way am I going to allow myself to be forced to be in the company of somebody who is so volatile and aggressive towards me. (Anyway, he started on the wrong fukin woman; I know if I was to get into it with him again there'd be black eyes and busted lips involved, so it's better to steer clear!)

dudara

Trying to have a row - were they actually fighting?

I'm sympathetic to your story, but we are only hearing one side here. To others it might seem that you've cut out your brother for no reason.

What did your wife have to say about all this?

TBH, and bear in mind that I'm saying this without further information, it sounds a bit childish.

Hrududu

she said to him, so whats the problem>?

I really can't get my head around the situation. There isnt enough information to know who said what. What problem was she asking him about? It just sounds like there is a big chunk of missing information here.

promethius

please don't let it drag on it family rows can last for years if untreated