Sick of 'dating'

,mnb

I'm 32. I've only had one serious relationship and that finished 10 years ago. I've dated quite a lot of girls since. The last 2 I met I was being positive and upbeat about it...but they both kinda ended the dating cause they weren't sure. I'm not at all upset about losing them cause I was only giving it a go but it just makes me feel like it's all such an effort.
I've only fallen really for a girl 3 times in the last 10 years. One wasn't interested. The other 2 were taken but I only discovered that after I fell for them (and we didn't get it on or anything).
I'm a happy person. And things are going pretty damn well in my life. It's rare for me to fall for a girl and in the last 10 years it hasn't worked out when I did. When I do fall for a girl it can happen fast and I don't need to date or anything to get to that stage. When I really like a girl I just want to be with her. The sex thing is just a bonus.
So I'm kinda thinking of dumping the whole dating thing and just let it happen if it happens. If it doesn't it would be a pity cause it'd nice. But I think the whole dating this is rubbish. I know me and I know when I like a girl. I never grow to fall for a girl. It's either there from a very early stage or it's a non starter. And unfortunately that could mean a long time without sex or dates but feck it it's a more solid approach to things.
So what do you think guys and gals? Am I wrong?

DILLIGAF

ah i kinda know what you mean dude. I slut myself around and generally speaking it would seem like i dont care about who im with.But i've been looking for a real girlfriend, someone i can love and respect and admire and all that jazz, but its just not happening. it 2nearly did a couple of times but never quite hits the mark and falls flat.its not easy but I did hear somewhere that you only fall in love 3 times every ten years. Sounds like you've had yours, so it cant be too long before you meet your next one. ^^ All I'll say is, I met my best girlfriend at random one day, so worrying about something that might well happen tomorrow, is nothing to worry about at all! Keep the head high, oh and a tip, try NOT to meet them out drinking. I know some people would question or disagree, but I've found that the girls in bars thing, has an air of 'meh' about it. Other social places, groups,gym even a net cafe work for me. But you gotta be brave at sparking up a conversation and stuff. It's tough but it's a whole lot of fun if it works out!You seem like a pretty sensitive guy so just go for it my man

_Kaiser_

I know what you mean OP. Last girl I was seeing for any length of time ended about a year ago (ultimately I got tired of making all the effort and her cheating on me didn't help matters).

Since then I've had a few dates and such but nothing that's led anywhere. It's a lot harder too in your 30's as most of my friends are settled/married and so opportunties to get out and meet new people are fairly rare. Plus they all talk about how "you should settle down", but seem to forget how the dating scene can really be hard sometimes. Again, being older you're gonna be meeting girls with kids, exes, baggage, who "aren't ready/sure" etc - all of which can make you wonder why you bother sometimes!

Like you aside from that everything else is pretty good.. and also like you I tend to know very early on if I'm interested or not. i'm also not into the game-playing that goes on in a lot of dating .. if I like someone I'll say so - maybe not literally, and not to the point of declaring my undying love, but I would rather know where I stand with someone and vice versa.

I've decided myself that whilst I'm certainly still open to the idea of meeting someone and it'd be nice if it happened, I'm not sure if the dating scene is for me anymore... that may be a contradiction, but that's how it seems

Anyway, just wanted to say you're not the only one mate.

whatsgoinon

DILLIGAF wrote: »

ah i kinda know what you mean dude. I slut myself around and generally speaking it would seem like i dont care about who im with.But i've been looking for a real girlfriend, someone i can love and respect and admire and all that jazz, but its just not happening.

have some respect for yourself and the person you are with, this might be a good place to start in your quest for your 'real girlfriend'. I seriously don't understand how you can say stuff like that, basically saying you slut around, but at the same time are looking for someone to love, respect and admire, it doesn't make any sense to me.

OP, you are most definitely not alone. I am single also, have had a few realtionships over the past few years which for one reason or another haven't worked out. I agree that bars and clubs are not conducive to finding like minded people. Have you considered online dating? You can build up a relationship with people with the same interests, then if you feel things are going well, then maybe you could organise a meeting. When you fall for a girl, do you fall for her looks or her personality? I firmly believe there is someone out there for everybody. Try not to worry about it, and don't rush things, slow and steady wins the race. good luck

,mnb

I'm really glad I posted this now cause it's good to know I'm not weird. Thanks all for the replies.

DILLIGAF

@whatsgoingon: stay on topic, I already had my own thread about this AAGGES ago so there's no need to try and understand me at all,help the OP ok?

@OP: take what advice you think will help or at least make you smile mate, it's all good and will work out in the end

little lady

I know how you feel, I'm 32 female and have the exact same problem, plus pretty much all my friends are either married or getting married so it makes it hard to go out and meet guys as the girls for obvious reason are interested in that anymore.

Don't stop dating, dating is the only way to meet and get to know your potential life long partner, however, try not fall in love so quickly, get to know the person and your suitability before falling in love. I know this can be hard but generally after a couple of months you should be able to get the vibe of how interested the other party is, if it's good, great if not then either talk to them and see how they feel or end it before you get hurt again.

You will find some, we all will.

_Kaiser_

little lady wrote: »

I know how you feel, I'm 32 female and have the exact same problem, plus pretty much all my friends are either married or getting married so it makes it hard to go out and meet guys as the girls for obvious reason are interested in that anymore.

Don't stop dating, dating is the only way to meet and get to know your potential life long partner, however, try not fall in love so quickly, get to know the person and your suitability before falling in love. I know this can be hard but generally after a couple of months you should be able to get the vibe of how interested the other party is, if it's good, great if not then either talk to them and see how they feel or end it before you get hurt again.

You will find some, we all will.

Ah I wouldn't say I've "given up" by any means, just that the more traditional Irish means of meeting people - in a pub/nightclub - don't really work once you pass 30 (or 32 in my case) because, as you say, your friends are married/may as well be, maybe with kids, and also (in many cases) moved away because of property prices.

Plus I think I'm getting a bit old for nightclubs with all the early/mid 20-somethings. Don't wanna be one of those "creepy older guys in the corner" either . And unless you're after a one night stand that seems to be mostly what's out there in my experience. Anywhere where drink is involved isn't a great place to meet someone I think.

Someone else mentioned internet dating. While the theory of meeting someone there, getting to know them etc souds good as they describe it, it leaves out one major thing.. the ever elusive "spark" that you only get when you meet someone in person. Of course, ye can always meet up, but what if it's not there despite how well you got on online? If anything, would that not make the whole thing harder as you've (probably) lost a pretty good friendship as well (why else would you be meeting otherwise, right?)

Ah maybe we need to start a Boards "over 30's singletons support group"

gcgirl

yes we should push for a over 30's support group!! as for OP just go with the flow and see what happens !

little lady

Definatley wouldn't go to a pub\club with the intention of looking for a man, actually don't really go to clubs any more. As for internet dating, I'm kinda dabbling at the moment but not really sure if I'm that interested or comfortable with it. We'll see.....

,mnb

Dating is hard at any age; This thing of using age I can't really see how it would be an issue unless things like your partner having a past, an ex spouse or children would bother you.

Just let it happen really because if you live an anyway normal social life you will have encounters with the opposite sex regularly Try not to think of it as looking for someone to live happily ever after with but someone you can just talk to and become friends with, this will take the pressure off and if you then don't click with the person you have someone to socialise with therefore increasing your opportunity to meet someone new.
If it meant to be it won't pass you by

,mnb wrote: »

I'm 32. I've only had one serious relationship and that finished 10 years ago. I've dated quite a lot of girls since. The last 2 I met I was being positive and upbeat about it...but they both kinda ended the dating cause they weren't sure. I'm not at all upset about losing them cause I was only giving it a go but it just makes me feel like it's all such an effort.
I've only fallen really for a girl 3 times in the last 10 years. One wasn't interested. The other 2 were taken but I only discovered that after I fell for them (and we didn't get it on or anything).
I'm a happy person. And things are going pretty damn well in my life. It's rare for me to fall for a girl and in the last 10 years it hasn't worked out when I did. When I do fall for a girl it can happen fast and I don't need to date or anything to get to that stage. When I really like a girl I just want to be with her. The sex thing is just a bonus.
So I'm kinda thinking of dumping the whole dating thing and just let it happen if it happens. If it doesn't it would be a pity cause it'd nice. But I think the whole dating this is rubbish. I know me and I know when I like a girl. I never grow to fall for a girl. It's either there from a very early stage or it's a non starter. And unfortunately that could mean a long time without sex or dates but feck it it's a more solid approach to things.
So what do you think guys and gals? Am I wrong?

newestUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Dating is hard at any age; This thing of using age I can't really see how it would be an issue unless things like your partner having a past, an ex spouse or children would bother you.

Just let it happen really because if you live an anyway normal social life you will have encounters with the opposite sex regularly Try not to think of it as looking for someone to live happily ever after with but someone you can just talk to and become friends with, this will take the pressure off and if you then don't click with the person you have someone to socialise with therefore increasing your opportunity to meet someone new.
If it meant to be it won't pass you by

9 times out of 10, Coolsmileygirl irritates me with her constant, attention-seeking references to her sex life. However, this is the 1 time out of 10 where she has given very sound advice. Dating *is* tough, at any age (from a lads perspective anyway). There's potential pitfalls and difficulties whatever your age is. Don't use your age as an excuse. She's right about chilling out and not trying *too* hard to force it. You can't force 'click' or chemistry.