BF partying

LegacyUser

Ok so I've been with my bf for just over a year now. At first he was really really into me, would prefer to be with me than go out, and always begged me to come out if he was doing anything. He really disliked me going out to parties etc without me, he thought it was inappropriate to be hanging out and drinking with other guys when I was with him. I wasn't a party person anyway so it didnt make much difference, but the few times I did want to go out were ruined by him getting in a mood about it.

So now my bf has joined a new society in college and goes to parties all the time. Last weekend he didn't get in until 7am, and I'm starting to get really cheesed off about it. There are pics on his facebook of him hanging out with loads of girls and getting really drunk. I wouldn't mind as much except that anytime I ever wanted to go to anything without him, he ruined it for me by not speaking to me the next day and being jealous with no reason. And I DEFINITELY wasn't out until 7am! I just find this behavior inappropriate, tbh. I am totally aware that he's a young guy and wants to have fun but we're supposed to be a serious couple. And I feel very resentful that he's doing exactlly what he didnt want ME doing, and I'm never going to get those nights out back that he ruined (graduation, end of college party etc) what should I do? Am I just being overly paranoid and controlling or is he being unreasonable here?

Weidii

I think an good quality to have in a relationship is that neither person ever holds the other back from doing something they want to do (obviously not including breaking the ground rules of a relationship)

If I were you I'd chat to him and try to come to the agreement that you're both allowed to do/go wherever the hell you want at night time.

Let him know that you trust him to make descisions about what he "should" do. Don't let jealousy get the better of you.

dresden8

He's a selfish prick.

Dump him.

Barlow07

Amand151 wrote: »

Last weekend he didn't get in until 7am, and I'm starting to get really cheesed off about it. There are pics on his facebook of him hanging out with loads of girls and getting really drunk. I wouldn't mind as much except that anytime I ever wanted to go to anything without him, he ruined it for me by not speaking to me the next day and being jealous with no reason. And I DEFINITELY wasn't out until 7am! I just find this behavior inappropriate, tbh. I am totally aware that he's a young guy and wants to have fun but we're supposed to be a serious couple. And I feel very resentful that he's doing exactlly what he didnt want ME doing

Its simple, you confront him about all this and tell him exactly how you are feeling and see what he has to say. It sounds to me like you both want different things at the moment in life. I wouldnt put any girl like this and im sure you will get a few here telling you the same.

Talliesin

I think there isn't so much a problem in this itself as a problem beyond it that this is a symptom of.

Coming in at 7am from a party can cause practical problems, especially if it happens frequently, but probably won't very often if you're of college age. Beyond that there isn't really much of problem with what he's doing then given the relatively small number of responsibilities people often have at your age (possibly that doesn't actually apply to the two of you for reasons you don't state and you actually do have some heavy responsibilities this impacts upon).

His reaction to your occasional partying is a much more serious issue. It's a major warning sign if someone has issues with their partner occassionally socialising. Someone having issues with their partner being in mixed-sex company goes well beyond warning sign territory and the burden-of-proof is on the other side so to speak - it's no longer a matter of "is there any other evidence that there are issues here" but rather "is there any evidence that this guy isn't just a total lost cause".

The combination of the two though is what really points to things being seriously screwed up. I would have extreme concerns about his whole concept of what your being a couple means.

On your part though, I would have some concerns about why you say "we're supposed to be a serious couple". There's something in that expression that strikes me as odd. Not that I don't think you shouldn't be a serious couple, but just why is that the adjective that came to your mind when you were describing where you feel you should be. At your ages you should hopefully be a fun couple most of the time and not need to be serious all that often. I know that's not what you mean, but there's often something worth considering in terms of which words come to you first.

In both your cases, I think it might be worth examining just what this relationship is meant to do for each of you.

LegacyUser

I should state in my BF's favour that hes been very, very good to me in that he basically supported me for a few months when I was in a situation where I had to repay a large amount of money. He is very reliable, always picks me up if I work late at night etc. I think that perhaps such responsibility at his young age has gotten to him, and he feels like he should be enjoying his life and not just worrying about me all the time. He says he was concerned about me going out without him at teh beginning when we weren't together long as he'd been hurt before, but now we're together a while, he trusts me, knows I'd never do anything to hurt him, and that theres no problem with either of us going out to socialise. That sounds fine in theory but as I said, I'm wondering why suddenly he's such a party animal. Last year he was happy to stay at home with me and have dinner or a few drinks, or go to the cinema, and now he doesnt seem to appreciate my company the same way. I think living with him for a few months perhaps made him take me for granted (and me him, if Im honest)?

I said 'serious couple' as in, a serious, long term relationship, not a short fling, or the kind where its on/off and you see other people.

StormWarrior

dresden8 wrote: »

He's a selfish prick.

Dump him.

+10000000!

Reminds me of my ex. He was in a band and attempting to go on tour. He expected me to stay home and wait for him. Then, when I decided to go to university, he said, "Well you can only go to our local uni (even though it didn't do the subject I was interested in) because I need you to stay here and be with me." Needless to say, I dumped the prick and went to the uni of my choice.

,mnb

He has a serious jealousy problem. That needs to be sorted. It springs from lack of self esteem at some level.
Now you are developing a bit of a jealousy but I'd say it's less chronic than his. You're more annoyed that he goes out till very late but still stops you from going out at all.
You should communicate on this. Talk about it. You explain to him your concerns. He explains his. You both accept that you are really into each other. But that you need nights out without each other now and then. Without jealousy. You might find he changes or he cant change (he needs to learn this outside of a relationship) in which case...DUMP him...the relationship just cant be worth it the way it is now.

CrazyNoob

OP your BF is a prick

You should go out till 7am yourself and give him a taste of his own medicine.
He has a bloody cheek dictating to you and doing the very thing himself he doesnt want you doing