Closing the deal

LegacyUser

22 yr old guy here. I have no problem chatting up girls but I cannot seem to go ''in for the kill'', for want of a better word. I seem to freeze when it comes to the time to go for a kiss.
Its happened so many times where I just completely bottle it. How do I go about actually making the move? Do i just go for it and risk looking sleazy?? Or is there a more natural way of doing it?
Sorry if this thread is a bit stupid, but its important to me!

You just go for it.An element of risk is usually unavoidable and often worth it for it kick starts something nice

Hint: If you've been dancin/chattin all night and you are walking her home and she takes your hand when offered, thats usually a good sign...

seahorse

My bloke was just as you describe yourself in that department when I first met him. I had to go "in for the kill" myself, lol, and I found it endearing and arousing, so you shouldn't feel badly about yourself over this. I'm sure I cant be the only woman who thinks this way!

babydoll2008

Its a spur of the moment thing, exciting, nerve racking but fun!
Enjoy it! Dont plan it and dont be saying to yourself sud i kiss her now or should i wait or anything like that, just go for it when it seems right!

Profiler

Like a lot of guys the reason you can't "go in for the kill" as you call it is the fear of rejection, we've all been there, you make eye contact and move towards her and she pulls away. The thing is if you never try you will never succeed.

The thing is by the time you are ready to do that she will have given you enough signs to indicate if she wants to kiss you or not.

Some of these signs are subtle some are not but by the time you think you are ready most women already know if they want to kiss you or not.

Some things to look out for are her preening herself, licking her lips, brushing her hair away from her neck (if her hair is long enough) if she touches her ear or her hand lingers on her thigh or the area of her chest between her throat and her collar bone.

One of the best signs is if she touches your arm in a conversation, like if you tell a funny story or you make her laugh if she reaches out and touches your arm then you can usually tell that she likes you.

But the way I find easiest to know is if when you are one on one I brush her hair away from her ear, or if it is tied back or not around her ear reach for her ear ring, tell her it is really nice, then leave your hand on her neck your palm on her cheek, look her in the eyes and say

"I'd really like to kiss you"

Might sound simple but I've found most (but not all) women like that approach.

Now I'm not trying to come across as some kind of super slick player here (trust me I'm not) but I think the honest approach is always best!

Sprouts

Just go for it, thats if your getting the right signals of course. Ten years time you'll think back and what seems like a planet earth of a problem for you right now will be a tiny spec and you'll be thinking, 'if only I knew then what I know now', It's funny, bet you down the line, your other half will be nagging you for not kissing her enough. Good luck.

LegacyUser

There is one girl in particular and she is giving me some signs like the ones mentioned. Touching my arm is a regular one, and the other day she put an x at the end of a text. I haven't watched out for any other signs. But one of my friends said he thinks she might have a boyfriend so if thats the case, I might as well forget about her! Women!!

Overheal

Do the cute thing (works for me): just tell her youre nervous. 'Why?' 'cos I wanna kiss you' and then it usually works itself out one way or the other.

Stev_o

Women really need to stop putting x's at the end of the texts messages it becomes so damn confusing to interrupt it these days.


Tbh you should feel yourself its the right moment to kiss [lets hope thats not too late though] and go in then. Try not to think about it too much enjoy the moment your having with her and then go for the kiss

whoknows

i have the exact same problem..closing the deal..but it happens much sooner for me, i was talking to a really nice girl during the week, she works where i go to college and i called back in the next 2 days but i couldnt even ask her her name, i couldnt bring myself to do it and im the same if i ever get talking to a girl when im out.. i just cant push myself out of my comfort zone.all we can do i skeep trying...im def ogin to ask her her name this week

Overheal

whoknows wrote: »

i couldnt even ask her her name, i couldnt bring myself to do it and im the same if i ever get talking to a girl when im out.. i just cant push myself out of my comfort zone

Translation: you masturbate too much. Not trying to be insulting here, but when you get into these situations you dont have the balls to act because your balls are already complacent and satisfied; small and drained. Starve em and see if you dont get better results. Its called growing a pair for a reason.

Profiler

One more important thing, you really only have one opportunity to seize the moment, if you think you have a chance then go for it, if you are in the moment and you back out she will think you are either uninterested or too indecisive.

That is why I make my intentions clear by trying something like I said above, If she rejects you then so be it, even the best looking most charming guys in the world suffer rejection, but if you try and fail then at least you will have no "what if" regrets

Profiler

Overheal wrote: »

Translation: you masturbate too much. Not trying to be insulting here, but when you get into these situations you dont have the balls to act because your balls are already complacent and satisfied; small and drained. Starve em and see if you dont get better results. Its called growing a pair for a reason.

:eek: what? and more importantly what?

Sorry but I think that is just not right, in fact it is so far from being right it is bizzare

Overheal

It has stuff to do with it: getting rid of your sexual complacencies. If you don't stock a man's fridge, eventually, he will go to Tesco.

Profiler

Overheal wrote: »

It has stuff to do with it: getting rid of your sexual complacencies. If you don't stock a man's fridge, eventually, he will go to Tesco.

....... Wow...... I take it you are trying to be funny and don't actually believe that!

Overheal

Take it how you want but dont knock it till youve tried it.

Marksie

Overheal, I admit to that having me completely stumped.

I just cannot see the correlation between excesive masturbation and not asking somene for a kiss etc.

Unless of course you are meaning complkete frustration??

I would think personally that its more due to lack of confidence in being able to ask.

Anyways i am a harrods type of guy

Profiler

Overheal wrote: »

Take it how you want but dont knock it till youve tried it.

That approach resulted in a scene that had me laughing out loud when I saw it in "There's Something About Mary" but like a lot of things borrowed from Holywood it simply does not work in real life i

Marksie

OK. Now
Back on topic please

whoknows

i get what you are all saying, im taking it onboard,some more so than others, but has anyone any advice on how to get out of this lack of confience rut im in

Profiler

whoknows wrote: »

i get what you are all saying, im taking it onboard,some more so than others, but has anyone any advice on how to get out of this lack of confience rut im in

Where do you lack confidence? is it approaching girls? is it going from talking to kissing?

whoknows

its more approaching girls, i always think that they wont like me or they not single. like the other day when i was talking ot that girl who works in my college, i couldnt even ask her her name, i wanted to so bad but i couldnt. i just kept thinking why would she even want to talk to me, why bother.

Gordon

If you don't give it a shot then you'll have to rely on her making the move, which may not happen. So, you may get rejected, but if you don't try then your chances are far less. So, why not just give it a go.

Overheal

whoknows wrote: »

i get what you are all saying, im taking it onboard,some more so than others, but has anyone any advice on how to get out of this lack of confience rut im in

I usually flirt with my friend's g/fs for practice sake. It can result in bruising however... but not entirely useless because you get an idea for what works and what doesnt. It helps if your friend knows full well youre not trying to steal his girlfriend.

But outside of specific examples the only thing you can really do is jump out of it. You need to identify what is sapping your confidence (ie. wimmins) and just bite the bullet. You will feel better in the aftermath knowing that you got out there and went that much further; in this case, asking her name.

No matter how it turns out after that, you will look back on it and know that you had the balls to ask. You will then be that much further out of the rut.

In this case you've already spoken with the girl. Even better! Just approach her and say oh yeah btw my name is WhoKnows. I never did get your name but its been bothering me

whoknows

i know it osunds so easy and i tell myself exactly what you just said gordon but i just cant, it is fear of rejection but i have myself convinced that there no chance she'd like me

Overheal

Ohhh wait.... *works* in your college....

Is this the shop girl? Those things are always pretty. And occassionally foreign

well look; hopefully by talking with her previously you mean a conversation and not "Eur 1.60 please". Just get into another conversation with her. Then another. Then another. Then another. One foot in front of the other.

Gordon

whoknows wrote: »

i know it osunds so easy and i tell myself exactly what you just said gordon but i just cant, it is fear of rejection but i have myself convinced that there no chance she'd like me

Start by asking her name. In fact, if you like, start by saying hello to a random shopkeeper and ask them a question like "how much are your lottery tickets?". Then ask a passer by how you get to Gordon Street from here. Then ask a bartender what the hours are like being a bartender as you'd really like to work in a bar. If he's cool (or she..) and you're comfortable then ask them if it's good for meeting women being a bartender. At the end of the conversation ask for their name. Try and build up your confidence slowly maybe?

Profiler

whoknows wrote: »

its more approaching girls, i always think that they wont like me or they not single. like the other day when i was talking ot that girl who works in my college, i couldnt even ask her her name, i wanted to so bad but i couldnt. i just kept thinking why would she even want to talk to me, why bother.

OK, you are not the first to suffer that problem, you won't be the last.

Again honesty is the best approach.

Next time you see her go over and say "Hi again, sorry but when we spoke I never asked your name, sorry I was so rude, I'm Whoknows..." so if she tells you her name then you at least have a starting point you can work with!

Oh and one way to get around it that I try from time to time is I walk up to her and have some general chit chat and then say

"Hey! I was talking last week to a girl who says she thinks she knows you, what is your name again?"

most people will respond with their first name so for example she will say

"I'm Jane"

you respond

"I knew THAT, I mean what is your sir name?"

Now again that is just a way to get talking to her so when she says her sir name then you say something like. "Oh! OK well the girl my friend knows is Jane Bloggs and not Jane Murphy"

whoknows

Overheal wrote: »

Ohhh wait.... *works* in your college....

Is this the shop girl? Those things are always pretty. And occassionally foreign

well look; hopefully by talking with her previously you mean a conversation and not "Eur 1.60 please". Just get into another conversation with her. Then another. Then another. Then another. One foot in front of the other.

thankfully the conversation hasnt been 1.60 please:p

she works in an office and after first time i talked to her she said "call back in sometime"so i did and said the same thing again and i called in again....i had decided to ask her her name this time but when i went in i frooze....then other people walked in so i couldnt and now i dont realy have any more excuses to go back in to that particular office

Profiler

whoknows wrote: »

i know it osunds so easy and i tell myself exactly what you just said gordon but i just cant, it is fear of rejection but i have myself convinced that there no chance she'd like me

You are right it sounds easy but it is not, but what Gordon has said is great advice, you can get great confidence from just having the ability to chat to random strangers.

It is good practice to say for example to a really good looking girl you are stood beside at a red traffic light "Hi, sorry to disturb you but do you know where the nearest ATM is?"

Then the next day and another random stranger you move on to something like "Hey nice shoes! where did you get those, my girlfriend would LOVE those" (oh it is REALLY important to notice things like what clothes they wear, their hair, their ear rings, girls put so much more effort into these things they like it when a guy notices!)

One other thing I like to do is when you can smell some nice perfume and you can tell which girl is wearing it, then walk up to her and say "Wow, I really like your perfume, do you mind if I ask you what it is called?"

It is all about practice, practice, practice... if you can't talk to a random stranger who you have no intentions towards what chance will you have with a girl you really like?

Overheal

whoknows wrote: »

thankfully the conversation hasnt been 1.60 please:p

she works in an office and after first time i talked to her she said "call back in sometime"so i did and said the same thing again and i called in again....i had decided to ask her her name this time but when i went in i frooze....then other people walked in so i couldnt and now i dont realy have any more excuses to go back in to that particular office

........the plot thickens.

Methinks theres policies against such happenings. This isn't the counsellor or something is it? I mean, if you're SU president is a foxy chic, then thats different.

Seriously, time to be specific: who is this object of your affections?

whoknows

Overheal wrote: »

........the plot thickens.

Methinks theres policies against such happenings. This isn't the counsellor or something is it? I mean, if you're SU president is a foxy chic, then thats different.

Seriously, time to be specific: who is this object of your affections?

she not a councellor or the su pres, she is a secretary in a particular office.

Overheal

I....erm.....uh..................


...............the plot thickens?

If you have no further reason to be in that office than in all honesty maybe this one is best left alone.. it might not be confidence in this situation; merely rationale. I'm not saying relationships of this nature are never viable; its just seemingly very rare.

whoknows

Overheal wrote: »

I....erm.....uh..................


...............the plot thickens?

If you have no further reason to be in that office than in all honesty maybe this one is best left alone.. it might not be confidence in this situation; merely rationale. I'm not saying relationships of this nature are never viable; its just seemingly very rare.

maybe im not explaining myslef properly or maybe your right, ya see the last time i went in was just to ask a qs bout something but i only did it so i could talk ot her, maybe im wrong but thats normal if ya kinda fany someone isnt it, but if i go in agian with another stupi qs she goin to know that i only goin in to see her and then il be really awkward.

i dont know, maybe your right and il just give up, let it go

Overheal

Well I'm not trying to slick mud at you here but this is one of those really awkward cases. If you feel you want to pursue it then don't let anonymous ol' me take the wind out of your sail. I can only say from what I hear she is a college secretary; and that I can be fairly certain at the very least there would be some professional issues involved. I can see where your doubt is coming from though.

LegacyUser

whoknows wrote: »

maybe im not explaining myslef properly or maybe your right, ya see the last time i went in was just to ask a qs bout something but i only did it so i could talk ot her, maybe im wrong but thats normal if ya kinda fany someone isnt it, but if i go in agian with another stupi qs she goin to know that i only goin in to see her and then il be really awkward.

i dont know, maybe your right and il just give up, let it go

She might cop what youre up to asking another question. She might like you and might be flattered.One way or another you will get your answer.If she talks to you after said "stupid qs" then you know theres a chance, if she doesnt then you have your answer and need not worry about it anymore.

Id say to go for it, i know i know easier said than done, but women really do make their minds up on men as prospective partners quite fast.....REALLY fast, so if she leaves any kind of space for you to talk to her then your chances are good.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice so far. If anyone has anything else to add I'd be grateful.
does a kiss at the end of a text mean anything??

Talliesin

Yeah, but not much. X

Victor

itsonlyme1 wrote: »

does a kiss at the end of a text mean anything??

It means affection. On a text its ambiguous, but I'd say its a good thing.

Overheal

Its a good sign but hardly has the same weight as it used to. The information age killed everyday romance in a way :rolleyes:

Profiler

itsonlyme1 wrote: »

thanks for all the advice so far. If anyone has anything else to add I'd be grateful.
does a kiss at the end of a text mean anything??

No, all the stuff before the "X" should mean a lot more.

LegacyUser

Can be a tricky one to get around the first move.

But whats worked for me very well in the past,When your getting on well with a girl you've just met and want to kiss, is just to put it out there in the middle of a conversation.

Just ask the girl, "Would you mind if i kissed you?" then wait for response, she doesn't even have to answer, a smile is usually a good sign, then slowly edge your way in for a kiss. Works all the time for myself, ive never had it fail.


A good way to approach this question is this way

Boy says: Do you have a boyfriend?
Girl : No
Boy: Then i don't suppose he'd mind if i kissed you.
Note* (if she doesn't give a straight answer, ease off)

then its sweet sweet Smoochy-time

Pen1987

^^trying that is all well and good when you've been speaking to her for an hour at a bar and shes been super-chatty and throwing all the right signals. Trying to gauge the interest of a secretary in a college at 10AM on a monday is a different kettle of fish IMO

What type of girl is she? Would she be constantly getting chatted up by students who drop in and out of the office, or would she be a girl whos' more to your own personal preference?

If shes not a girl who'd be constantly chatted up then she'd probably be just as awkward and shy about any conversation as you will. So relax.

If she is the mainstream-societal-image of a beautiful woman then she may just be friendly (unless youre actually her "type", and just shy because youre out of your comfort zone and not used to express your desires). Or she could be interested in you but sick of lads trying it on, so "trying it on in" in the workplace wouldnt be all that great.

What type of lad are you?... If she does like you then there is no point in going in there acting like Casonova by using lines given to you by some bloke on boards.ie, she likes you, not you pretending to be Mr.Smooth... Just be youself, if youre awkward and shy but can still get the basics what you want to say "out" then she may find that cute or flattering.

Oh and IMO an X at the end of a text means absoultely nothing unless you've been texting her for a few days and she starts hinting subtly at going out then adds an x... Like "blah blah... Im really bored, the girls are all going to town but Im not in the mood to party, I just want to stay local and watch a film? Are the lads going out? X" (translation: ask me out to a film, or to watch a DVD or for a quiet drink)

LegacyUser

whoknows wrote: »

i know it osunds so easy and i tell myself exactly what you just said gordon but i just cant, it is fear of rejection but i have myself convinced that there no chance she'd like me

Jeez lad life is too short to fear rejection. Ffs take the bull by the horns and ask her to go for a drink. One of the worst things in life is having regrets. Having regrets, in any walk of life, will consume your thoughts in years to come. You need to start making conversation with her now and let her know that your interested. The ball will be in her court then. If she says no then so be it. Worst case scenario you will lose her as a 'chit chat' buddy. When i was about 20, a really cute girl started working in the local Texaco. I made an effort to talk to her anytime I went in. We used to talk about college stuff (even though we were in different colleges), weather, holidays,etc....anything just to get talking to her. It made me feel a lot better when i had conversations about her. Eventually I went into the shop one night and asked her to go for a drink with me. She said no saying she had a b/f or whatever. I don't have any regrets. I asked her out and she rejected me but at least i tried. If you like her then make the effort! Nothing comes easy in life, nothing!!