A Few More

rocky25

A man and a woman were deeply in love. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted so bad.
In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can’t stand it anymore," she told him. "Let’s play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing."

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.

He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.

At 60, off came the pants.

At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now, seeing her naked for the first time, and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, over an embankment and wrapped the car around a tree.

His girlfriend was thrown clear, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas, he was stuck. "Go up to the road and get help," he said.

"But I haven’t anything to cover myself with!” she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.


Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend, my boyfriend!" she sobs, "He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!"

The truck driver, looking down at the shoe between her legs, replies,

"Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid there’s no hope for him."
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A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating.

"My son, you shouldn’t be doing that,"
said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said,
"Yes, Father."

About 10 years later, the priest was in his study when a young man in his early twenties came in.

"Yes, my son?" said the priest.

"Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I’ll never forget the advice you gave then."

"And what was that, my son?"

"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving that stuff for when I get married," said the young man.

"That sounds like something I probably would have said," said the priest.
"Did you take my advice?"

"Yes I did, Father, but there’s only one problem."

"What’s that, my son?"

"Well, I have a 55-gallon drum of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck.

Now that I am getting married, what am I supposed to do with it?"
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40 Lessons.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian; any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth, Women are from earth... Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. You know you’re getting older when your medicine cabinet is better stocked than your drinks cabinet.

19. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

20. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

21. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

22. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

23. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

24. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

25. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

26. Its not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

27. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

28. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

29. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

30. You should not confuse your career with your life.

31. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

32. Never lick a steak knife.

33. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

34. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.

35. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

36. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

37. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

38. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

39. Your friends love you anyway.

40. Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark, and a large group of professionals built the Titanic.

whiskeyman

really like the 40 lessons! Hadn't seen a lot of them before.
nice one Rocky

rocky25

whiskeyman wrote: »

really like the 40 lessons! Hadn't seen a lot of them before.
nice one Rocky

Cheer's Whiskyman:D


Hope you are keeping well m8:)