Is this it?

LegacyUser

My girlfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me. I don't know what to do. I use boards a lot so I guess its as good a place as any to turn to for support. I thought we were going alright, not as good as we had been but not as bad as this. She works during the week and some weekends and I'm in College although my college is only about 45 mins from home. I only got to see her at weekends. She said I was suffocating her. That if she wasn't working she was going to see me or I was going to see her. She felt that she was losing touch with her friends. She said one of them said I was dragging her away from them.

She wanted to be able to go out with them again. To go out proper, like on the pull with them. She said she missed it. I'm really cut up over this. She was the first thing I think of in the morning and last thing at night. I loved her so much. I still do. I'm absolutely heartbroken at the minute. No-one realises how much I loved her except her. I could see it in her eyes how hard it was for her to do it. I really want her to be happy, she's the most wonderful person I've ever met and all I ever wanted was for her to be happy. It kills me to think that it might not be with me. But she deserves to be happy and even if its at my expense.

I feel so sick and empty right now. I know you can all say that I'll get over it and give me the usual advice of getting busy, go out with your friends and all that ****e. I've told all my friends and my parents but right now I just want to be on my own. I keep thinking that its just a bad dream I'll wake up from. I just want to curl up in bed right now and not wake up in the morning. I don't want to go on. Life lost its purpose for me today.

Puddleduck

First of all youve got to relax. Thinking this over and over only makes it worse. Its better that you didnt waste time and effort on somebody that dosent want you, yes breakups are hard but clearly it wasnt what she wanted. your still young, go out and experience life a little.

LegacyUser

Everyone says experience life; what the hell does it mean? That you go out and get drunk and have sex with random people? It means nothing to me. I thought I had something more than that here and to have it just taken away like that is soul destroying. A year and a half forgotten in a few words. I don't particularly feel like experiencing life. Life is **** right now.

Mr. Incognito

She wounds like a selfish twit. Better off without- look. You're only a kid, it'll pass.

veryangryman

Not to be blunt and to the point, but cop on. Thats the best advice i can give you. Take the time to enjoy yourself, travel, pick up a new hobby. You dont necessarily have to go on the pull to enjoy yourself.

Hang out with your mates, talk to them etc (even if it is just to whine - good to get it out of the system i have found)

Alas, the only real cure my friend is time. You go through basically the same stages that you do when someone dies

Shock or Disbelief
Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Guilt
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Long story short, it takes time, but youll get over it. Good luck!

Marksie

IsThisIt? wrote: »

Everyone says experience life; what the hell does it mean? That you go out and get drunk and have sex with random people? It means nothing to me. I thought I had something more than that here and to have it just taken away like that is soul destroying. A year and a half forgotten in a few words. I don't particularly feel like experiencing life. Life is **** right now.

No that you open to it all, good and bad.

Thats unfortunate that you dont like expriencing life. Close off from it then go through it like an automaton. While it goes on around you opt to watch others living it,.
Both good and bad.

You cant have one without the other. Sure you have just broken up so it sucks.
A little self pity is allowed.

But dont take it too far.
There is always a lesson in things.

If you chose to believe that experiencing life is getting drunk and empty sex, then you have missed the whole point up til now

Tails142

Everybody goes through what you're feeling and experiencing now at some stage. Except maybe for the lucky few; or perhaps they arent really lucky as it is one of the major defineing life experiences, getting dumped by someone you deeply love.

You gotta get up to get down - the highs come with the lows; just sentiments but they do have a truth to them.

You will get over it, it might take months or even years - you will go through very destructive stages (try stay away from whiskey); its all part of the adjustment process. Eventually you will meet someone else and you can go through the whole process again - and maybe this time you will be lucky and stay with each other till death do you part.

As to experiencing life, this is it buddy, you're living it, jog on!

Call Me Jimmy

IsThisIt? wrote: »

I don't want to go on. Life lost its purpose for me today.

Don't be so dramatic. If she felt smothered, and you want her to be happy, then accept that she will be happier now. She's not the only one who can go out on the pull now. Quite frankly, I'de be pissed off at someone if they stayed with me for a second longer than they wanted to. This is not THE end, it's the end of your time with her, now ye go onto the next one. Don't take it personally (as odd as that sounds), if you were brad pitt she probably would make the same decision, because it's the lifestyle change she was clearly after.

LegacyUser

Thanks lads for the advice, I'm sorry if I come across as petulant or narky but I'm pretty cut up at the minute. You see this type of thing happen to other people, you read it in this forum and think it'll never happen to you. I just don't think I could ever feel for another person what I felt for her. Its a large part of my life that'll never be the same again. I tried so hard for her, too hard sometimes she said (Last Monday I came down as a surprise for her to wish her luck in her driving test - she failed it. I still have to congratulations teddy and choc's sitting on the shelf in fron of me). I just don't understand.

macbarbie

I know how you feel.... same happened to me 3 years ago... except a little worse he cheated on me then dumped me.... i honestly thought.. that was it my lifes not worth living... everyones advice is the same... go out have fun.... blah blah... but no1s good advice can fix how your feeling..... only time im afraid.... all i can say is... it looks like the impossible now.... but i can promise it will get better....

Its ok to be down, depressed, every1s been there... but just dont take it too far because as i said i can promise ul look back at this and realise time heals.....

good luck and take care of yourself......

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew but you can love again!!

ziedth

veryangryman wrote: »

Not to be blunt and to the point, but cop on. Thats the best advice i can give you. Take the time to enjoy yourself, travel, pick up a new hobby. You dont necessarily have to go on the pull to enjoy yourself.

Hang out with your mates, talk to them etc (even if it is just to whine - good to get it out of the system i have found)

Alas, the only real cure my friend is time. You go through basically the same stages that you do when someone dies

Shock or Disbelief
Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Guilt
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Long story short, it takes time, but youll get over it. Good luck!

+1, out of interest how old are you? it's just your coming across a little over dramatic and the reason she gave to end the relationship seems very late teens.

we have all been through a particulary heartbreaking split at some point and we have all got past it. I wish you the very best just try not to get lost in your own thoughts, treat one day at a time.

IrishMike

You sound very very young to be honest.
College should keep you occupied for the next few weeks.
Throw yourself 100% into something constructive like projects or exams.
Please dont start saying stuff like i cant eat/drink/go on because thats bull.
It was a year and a half and ill bet it hurts like hell but there are a million worse things in
life than heartache, no-one died, you are still healthy etc etc
Make the best out of what you have.
She sounds like she is too young to be in a serious relationship, better she broke up
with you and told you this now than if she actually went on the pull while ye were
going out, thats an entirely different heartache mate trust me

Call Me Jimmy

macbarbie wrote: »

Its ok to be down, depressed, every1s been there... but just dont take it too far because as i said i can promise ul look back at this and realise time heals.....

I don't necessarily agree. Why even bother being down or depressed? He's had a good relationship for at least a year with what seems like a nice girl. It's over now sure, but at least it ended as smoothly as one could hope. She didn't cheat, it isn't anything personal, there's no reason not to continue as normal imo. I just say "if that's what she wants then ok".

I don't mean to be harsh, I'm trying to help by giving you perspective. You doubt you'll feel like this again for anyone else but I am almost 100% sure that you will. You give her too much power if you let yourself be down about it.

macbarbie

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I don't necessarily agree. Why even bother being down or depressed? .

i know but being realistic no1 gets dumped and is walking on sunshine the next day, its good to know that your not a weirdo to feel like this everyone else feels the same, you get me now??

Plus some ppl bottle it all up and never get over it, then when starting a new relationship they have pent up anger and fear.. have your crys etc.. let it out... ul feel better then bottling it up then exploding!!

Overheal

IsThisIt? wrote: »

Thanks lads for the advice, I'm sorry if I come across as petulant or narky but I'm pretty cut up at the minute. You see this type of thing happen to other people, you read it in this forum and think it'll never happen to you. I just don't think I could ever feel for another person what I felt for her. Its a large part of my life that'll never be the same again. I tried so hard for her, too hard sometimes she said (Last Monday I came down as a surprise for her to wish her luck in her driving test - she failed it. I still have to congratulations teddy and choc's sitting on the shelf in fron of me). I just don't understand.

That was your first mistake. You have to see every problem as potentially happening to you, if ever so slight, so it doesn't come as a complete shock.

----

The truth is you may never feel the same way about anyone else. The other truth is that you will more than likely feel differently about another person. Its also likely you will feel more for someone else later on. Every coupling of love is its own flavor from what I've seen. Its like 'Oh noes, you lost strawberry', but you need to wake up and see Baskin Robbins.

Its reasonable to lock yourself up for a day or two to mourn it all but do yourself a favor and start by getting the whole of it off your chest. Then we can talk about moving on.

LegacyUser

Just wanted to say that I had a horrible sudden break up at the start of December. Was at the point of moving in with someone and all that jazz, and suddenly it was over, and I was so down over it.

The reason I am telling you this is because you need time to grieve for your relationship, and you're allowed a bit of time to feel crap and miss the other person. That's only normal!

I thought my doom cloud would never clear, especially around Xmas, but the past three or four weeks, I've been feeling 'normal' and not 'lacking' any more. Also met someone else - not necessarily someone I'll see in a relationship, but it's reassuring to know that there are other single, fun, attractive people out there who are up for a laugh!

That's not much use to you right now, but rest assured, given a bit of time you'll be ready for the next phase. And speaking as a woman, it's a lot more attractive to meet a bloke who's had a serious relationship because I think they appreciate their next one more and know how to treat a person properly.

Mind yourself!

dudara

You sound as if you are someone who invest heavily and emotionally into relationships (forgive if I'm wrong). To the other person in the relationship this might come across as oppressive and too much.

Given that you're still young, try to learn some lessons from this and take the time to move on.

LegacyUser

Thanks again guys for the advice. Its going to be so hard to go out with anyone else again. I just can't see myself doing it. I really really miss her and the thought that I might not get to hold her close again or any of that is really hurting me

Call Me Jimmy

macbarbie wrote: »

i know but being realistic no1 gets dumped and is walking on sunshine the next day, its good to know that your not a weirdo to feel like this everyone else feels the same, you get me now??

Plus some ppl bottle it all up and never get over it, then when starting a new relationship they have pent up anger and fear.. have your crys etc.. let it out... ul feel better then bottling it up then exploding!!

Yea I'm not saying bottle it up, I'm just saying that he shouldn't get into a negative pattern of thought. His language in the OP was like "life has lost meaning, is this it?" etc. which, if that sort of thinking continued, would cause problems, unnecessary ones at that. And also, realising that you don't need to be unhappy isn't bottling it up. The OP needs to keep perspective even when he is feeling sad about it. But always remember that it's not him personally, it wasn't because he was boring or ugly or anything, it was completely out of his control so he shouldn't spend a single second trying to beat himself up.

Call Me Jimmy

IsThisIt? wrote: »

Thanks again guys for the advice. Its going to be so hard to go out with anyone else again. I just can't see myself doing it. I really really miss her and the thought that I might not get to hold her close again or any of that is really hurting me

And let me tell you, it will ALWAYS hurt IF you think about it. Until you haven't thought about it for a long time and you realise it doesn't hurt

Overheal

IsThisIt? wrote: »

Thanks again guys for the advice. Its going to be so hard to go out with anyone else again. I just can't see myself doing it. I really really miss her and the thought that I might not get to hold her close again or any of that is really hurting me

The physical longing will take a while to mend if you keep dwelling on it. All I can suggest is mindless amounts of pornography or a rebound.

Puddleduck

I wouldnt reccomend a rebound. I dont think the OP is mentally able to handle all the ****e that comes with it. The only thing Id suggest that yeh, you get the crying and anger and all that out of your system, but everytime you think about her you should try to train yourself to think of something else..it works..eventually. Youll eventually start to feel normal and not like your gunna crack.

lushballs

One day at a time at this stage. Be kind to yourself for the next while. You have tunnel vision right now (which is very normal) and cannot see the big picture ie you will get over this and meet someone new. Use your supports and give yourself time to get over the pain of heartbreak.

Overheal

Rebound wouldnt be my personal choice but a lot of people seem to have vouched for the option in the past, citing it as constructive in their own experiences.

LegacyUser

Didn't sleep too much last night. There are pieces of her everywhere around my room in college. Almost everything reminds of something. Pictures, reciepts from places we went, birthday cards. I just want to hold her right now.