15 lines. 2minutes30sec.Capo on 4th.

humberklog

We'd talked about the spiders in the banana trees
'bout how they'd fall between the leaves
down into your sleeves.
You held onto me as though you were losing me.
Gonna lose me and never get me myself back.

Tumbling out here in a cold dark deep blue sea.
All alone out here in a cold dark deep blue sea.
You sent me a whale and on the tail of the whale
you lifted me up.
Clear of the brine and into a warm blue sun.

World don't you owe me nothing?
But world why do you even care?
But you sent me this whale and on the tail of that whale
you lifted me up.
Clear of the sea and onto a warm blue sand.

Oink

Being an awkward xxxx, I do have issues about the odd word or phrase here and there. But dadgummit, that's the first lyrics posted on the Boards that I like. You had me at the first line. Who'd have thunk.

For what it's worth, I personally have trouble with the following bit. I like it, but somehow it doesn't seem to fit very well, or miss a link to the rest of the song or sumfink. Doesn't mean you should change it though. Maybe I need to re-read it.

"You held onto me as though you were losing me.
Gonna lose me and never get me myself back.

Tumbling out here in a cold dark deep blue sea.
All alone out here in a cold dark deep blue sea."


Now...You have written decent lyrics (That's a compliment in my book). They're original, simple and straight forward.

But....

Will you follow up with the music, or will it be a brutal let down?
*insert dramatic chipmunk here*

humberklog

It works with the timing of the song. Which when heard sets the punctuation.
The end of 1st verse slows in timing,then there's a simpe coda to kick start 2nd verse. The 'tumbling out here....' restarts the simple chord progression as the same as the 1st(and last verse). My mistake. I shoulda indicated a coda between verses.

humberklog

If it's a literal link that seams slightly jarring between verses it could be that you're looking for straight narrative. A story with a beginning middle and end. But it's not like that. 1st and 2nd verses are 2seperate near death experiences and the 3rd is the ta-dah.

humberklog

Thanks for comment.
I can't put music on tinterweb. But the chords are simple enough.
Capo 4thfret. Play a C shape,softly fingering. End the last word of line on a G shape. (Change started on heavy accent of the high E string). Back up to C shape to start 2nd line. So c.....g c......g til last line of verse.
Then it's just drop,jump, land onto the low E string into a G shape then swiftly to F shape then when you feel like it lower it into Am shape.Happy there. Ok,then to G shape. Ride the pony up to C shape to restart and it should land right on the mat of the 1st line 2nd verse.

humberklog

I can record it onto a cd and post it to whoever is interested.

Jack DeValera

No need - you can play it at our little get together!!

I really like these words you're writing.

humberklog

Cheers jack. I'm not really getting the sound outta my zoom h8 that i want. So could be handy to have an eye thrown over it.

humberklog

I was afraid it read a little too christian rock/ballad(not that there's anything wrong with that,just not my thing).