Seeking ladies advice?!?

v.worried

Hi Going Un-reg for this 1!!

Mod you can throw me out if you mant to just need a bit of advice from the ladies here!!

Im a 22yr old lad was going out with a girl the same age for about 3-4 months last year.I am just finished College and she has a year left.it was long distance(well about1.5hrs drive)..it ended because she felt we argued too much,which i realise now that was my fault,being my first long distance relationship i didnt know how to handle it.I would often put pressure on us to see each other as often as possible and when she couldnt i would get annoyed which would lead to arguments.

After a few months passed we started txtn and began to meet up.We kissed a fair few times,she spent the night a few times too...we jus slept by the way!!

When i asked her about giving us another go she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship which in fairness she had said even before we started going out!!!She said she needs her own time and doesnt want to commit to anything yet.

We have both told each other how much we care for each other and talked about how right it feels when we are together(i mean like in each others company together!)..so what i need to know is when she says shes not ready yet is it the truth or is it an excuse?..Do you think that if i give her time it could work?I dont mind giving her time i guess iom just worried that between now and then she will find someone else or am i being stupid?...Any suggestions on what i should do would be greatly appreciated THANKS!

Sorry for the long post!

V.worried

Mr. Incognito

sounds like a blow off to mne. she likes the cuddles but she won't be taking you home.

Chinafoot

v.worried wrote: »

Hi Going Un-reg for this 1!!

Mod you can throw me out if you mant to just need a bit of advice from the ladies here!!

Im a 22yr old lad was going out with a girl the same age for about 3-4 months last year.I am just finished College and she has a year left.it was long distance(well about1.5hrs drive)..

Ok first of all, I would not consider 1 and a half hours drive to be long distance. Christ, it took me that long to get to college everyday! By apparoaching the distance in that way you are immediately putting unnecssary pressure on the relationship. Granted it's not ideal, but its certainly not long-distance.

v.worried wrote: »

it ended because she felt we argued too much,which i realise now that was my fault,being my first long distance relationship i didnt know how to handle it.I would often put pressure on us to see each other as often as possible and when she couldnt i would get annoyed which would lead to arguments.

Again, waaaay too much pressure.

v.worried wrote: »

After a few months passed we started txtn and began to meet up.We kissed a fair few times,she spent the night a few times too...we jus slept by the way!!

When i asked her about giving us another go she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship which in fairness she had said even before we started going out!!!She said she needs her own time and doesnt want to commit to anything yet.

I'll be honest and say that while it sounds like she does still have feelings for you, she's most likely being careful. You guys broke up before for a reason and she may be worried that you are going to continue to put too much pressure on her if you get back together.

v.worried wrote: »

We have both told each other how much we care for each other and talked about how right it feels when we are together(i mean like in each others company together!)..so what i need to know is when she says shes not ready yet is it the truth or is it an excuse?..Do you think that if i give her time it could work?I dont mind giving her time i guess iom just worried that between now and then she will find someone else or am i being stupid?...Any suggestions on what i should do would be greatly appreciated THANKS!

Sorry for the long post!

V.worried

I don't think it's an excuse. I think she just genuinely doesn't feel ready for the seriousness that you seem to be expecting. You can't get annoyed when she cant see you all the time. You need to respect the fact that she will have commitments outside the relationship.

For me, the crux of this issue is your attitude to the distance. You seem to be lookig at it as though you need to spend every available second together because you are so far apart. Open your eyes and realise that an hour and a half is nothing. Don't put undue stress on when you see each other. Yes, you care for her and want to be with her, but you can't expect it from her all the time.

My advice is to be patient. Don't pressure her and see how things go. Show her that the arguments won't happen again because you plan to take a more relaxed approach to the relationship.

Good luck.

Gyalist

v.worried wrote: »

Hi Going Un-reg for this 1!!

Mod you can throw me out if you mant to just need a bit of advice from the ladies here!!

I am a man but I speak fluent womanese so I'll translate for you.

Im a 22yr old lad was going out with a girl the same age for about 3-4 months last year.I am just finished College and she has a year left.it was long distance(well about1.5hrs drive)..it ended because she felt we argued too much,which i realise now that was my fault,being my first long distance relationship i didnt know how to handle it.I would often put pressure on us to see each other as often as possible and when she couldnt i would get annoyed which would lead to arguments.

After a few months passed we started txtn and began to meet up.We kissed a fair few times,she spent the night a few times too...we jus slept by the way!!

When i asked her about giving us another go she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship which in fairness she had said even before we started going out!!!She said she needs her own time and doesnt want to commit to anything yet.

This girl is playing you. Here's what she is actually saying, "Hmmm, it seems that all the guys at college are immature idiots, but maybe you weren't so bad after all. However, just before I take you back I want to be asbolutely sure that you're the best that I can get, so I'll hold out to see if anyone better comes along at college but at the same time I'll hold you in abeyance. Wait for me, okay?"

Just in case what I wrote hasn't fully sunk in, as soon as she does take you back, it will be only until someone she thinks is a better prospect comes along. Then she'll dump your ass and you'll be back here asking for insights into what went wrong, and will probably start the cycle again.

I can't understand why you are still pursuing her. I can guarantee you that if you reduce contact with her and start socialising with other people that she'll sense the difference and then start to chase you instead. As it stands, you're NOT in a relationship, you're just her cuddlebitch. By being so needy and chasing after her you are in fact pushing her away.

We have both told each other how much we care for each other and talked about how right it feels when we are together(i mean like in each others company together!)..so what i need to know is when she says shes not ready yet is it the truth or is it an excuse?..Do you think that if i give her time it could work?I dont mind giving her time i guess iom just worried that between now and then she will find someone else or am i being stupid?...Any suggestions on what i should do would be greatly appreciated THANKS!

Sorry for the long post!

V.worried

Yeah, she cares for you so much that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. As always, actions say much more than words.

v.worried

Thanks guys suppose i just needed someone to spell it out for me.:(

JackieO

Have to agree whole heartedly with gyalist.

This girls is only using you until something better comes along. If she was interested in making this work, you would know all about it.

pookie82

Got to say, I've never ever understood the whole "Ooooooooh, I care for you so much, you're SO important to me, you make me feel great, we have a real connection....BUT, I can't really be with you right now, so can you hang about for a bit while I decide if I'm bothered??? You like someone/love someone = generally wanting to be with them and make it work. Unless some awful betrayal happened in the past or one hurt the other really badly then these kind of feelings which she professes to have should mean she doesn't want to miss out on a good thing.

Gyalist speaks womanese good.

ciotog

Gyalist wrote: »

I am a man but I speak fluent womanese so I'll translate for you.

You took the Master course by the looks of it (Sorry for the off-topic).

I think Gyalist has spelt the situation out perfectly for you OP.

v.worried

Thanks for the help i think the best thing for me to do is just leave it for now forget about it and just move on.

the GALL

have to agree with gyalist
1 you buying her beer
2 bring her out
3 there when she's nothin better to do
now put the shoe on the other foot
and you'd be a user/waster blah blah blah
drop her, your in collage ffs you should be out there givin it socks with your mates chattin up all the wimmin you can and enjoying yerself.....not unless she's the one buyin your beer
bringin you out
keepin your bed warm
na seriously mate get rid of her

v.worried

Just said i'd give an update eventually told her that I was sick of been treated like this and if she really cared then she would open her eyes and see what she could have if she doesnt realise that im a genuine guy then thats her problem...hope i done the right thing

NeMiSiS

Damn right you did!
Stand up for yourself!

Mazeire

v.worried wrote: »

Just said i'd give an update eventually told her that I was sick of been treated like this and if she really cared then she would open her eyes and see what she could have if she doesnt realise that im a genuine guy then thats her problem...hope i done the right thing

Ballsy! I like it! What was her reaction?