Threesome effects on a good relationship?

LegacyUser

There's a couple of aspects to this which I'd like people's views on. It would be a great help.

I'm going out with my girlfriend for 2 years. We're 26 and 24 and openly discuss our future together. We openly discuss anything and everything to be honest! Anyway, we're in love.

We're both extremely frisky. We have a lot of fun We've talked about having a threesome. She started it with 'is it all guys ultimate fantasy?' and the conversation progressed from there to us talking about doing it ourselves. That was a couple of months ago. We've fantasised about it alot since.

It is something I'd REALLY love to do but I would be absolutely protective of what we have between us - I would not want anything to taint it and would not be prepared to risk that for any kind of sexual fling. One thing is certain - I would not actually have sex with another girl. So when I say 'threesome' i mean mostly girl/girl stuff. She's definitely up for that.

Has anyone any experience of this?
Is there a risk of things being weird between us after?
What kind of girl should we keep an eye out for to join us?
Where might we start looking?

thanks a mil

flogen

There'll be plenty of other people with experience in swinging and threesomes to give you advice about the details of finding people and what it can be like etc. but in terms of there being a risk of things being weird afterwards, of course there is.

If either of you are at all possessive of the other, at all jealous or anything like that there could be complications. Similarly there could be complications if you involve someone you know.

But in short it all depends on what you and your gf are like, where your boundaries are and what you consider to be completely too personal to share or do with someone else.

DetectivFoxtrot

you're assuming that the 3rd person will be a girl. What if your g/f wants a boy? also what if she wants intercourse with him? how would that make you feel?. OP I don't know if you've though this thru, and what sounds like a great relationship could be fu%ked up royally by attempting this...:eek: Iron out the finer details before agreeing to proceed..

LegacyUser

DetectivFoxtrot wrote: »

you're assuming that the 3rd person will be a girl. What if your g/f wants a boy? also what if she wants intercourse with him? how would that make you feel?. OP I don't know if you've though this thru, and what sounds like a great relationship could be fu%ked up royally by attempting this...:eek: Iron out the finer details before agreeing to proceed..

Just to clarify...

We have talked at length about this, both in a rational way and in a fun way. Intercourse with the girl is not on the table here as I said. I simply wouldnt do it. We already have discussed 'the rules' and what the girl can and can't do to me. It's not that much of an issue because the main thing we're after is girl / girl, not really me with two girls. My gf has been with a girl before in a very softcore way and would like to explore further.

I'm all for it as it would be a big thrill. That said, it's not a decision i'd make lightly.

Toots

flogen wrote: »

If either of you are at all possessive of the other, at all jealous or anything like that there could be complications. Similarly there could be complications if you involve someone you know.

QFT, and even if neither of you are jealous, it's unlikely that she's ever been in a situation before where she sees you kissing/touching another woman, and then probably having intercourse. She may feel fine when the situation is fantasy, but when it's in reality she may not feel comfortable at all. I know if it was me, I wouldn't like it, and I'm not the posessive sort at all. If I were you I think very carefully about it. If it's both what you both really really want, then go for it. Just make sure that both of you are 110% comfortable before you do anything.

helimachoptor

Op situations like this are best left our of relationships and more suited to going on holidays pulling 2 girls having fun then going back to normal life. This will impact your relationship most likely in a negative way. A fantasy is great and it allows you to spice up your sex life. The reality of it i am afraid is much worse. Be happy with what you have.

Deadevil129

Having had a completly sucessful threesome in the past I can say, hand on heart, they can be great fun. I was looking at it from a slightly different perspective from you. In my case, we considered having a threesome between my boyfriend and a friend of his.

Make sure you work out proper rules.
Absolutely everything needs to be thought through. Who can do what etc, You've already stated you wouldn't want to have intercourse with another girl and that's fine, but it's also worth putting some thought into what'll happen afterwards. Do you just want to leave and never see the third party again? What'll happen if you run into each other in the street? Or would you prefer it to be somebody you knew. In my case, it just ended up being someone we knew. Personally I found no awkwardness afterwards, but that's just me.

Talk about this over and over again
As fun as threesomes can be, when you deal with them in the context of a serious relationship you can't afford to leave any stone unturned. Ask your girlfriend how she feels about every aspect of this, from seeing you with another woman to heading home afterwards. Is she just doing it for your benefit or is she positive she'll enjoy it too? Now's the time to talk about any worries or doubts you might have, not when you're standing there in the nip.

Remember that nobody knows how you feel apart from you
You'll hear tons of people here saying "Go for it" and probably twice the amount telling you it's not worth it. Unfortunatly at the end of the day nobody here knows the strength of your relationship apart from you so we can't tell you if a threesome will be the best thing you'll ever do, or if it'll shatter everything you have. To make a long story short, if you have doubts that you really can't quench even after doing all I've said above, then it's the wrong thing for you.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

conbob

helimachoptor wrote: »

Op situations like this are best left our of relationships and more suited to going on holidays pulling 2 girls having fun then going back to normal life. This will impact your relationship most likely in a negative way. A fantasy is great and it allows you to spice up your sex life. The reality of it i am afraid is much worse. Be happy with what you have.

completely agree with this!!! dont risk something that u have so well. better safe than sorry. if u wanna risk it then go ahead but remember everything has a consequence no matter how small or innocent it is.....and this isnt small or innocent

LegacyUser

OP me and my gf of nearly 3 years had a threesome last year with one of her girl friends last year. I have to reccomend it, providing both of ye are happy and secure. Ours was not planned, it simply happened so maybe rules are not all that important.

We have had no issues afterwards and I regularly meet the other girl both on my own and with my gf. Me and my gf get a good laugh out of it when we talk about it and have both said we would like to do it again. I'm not saying thats what will work for you but I definitely had a positive experience.

Best of luck.

Talliesin

Well, of course there are risks - there are risks with everything - and I think most will probably be pretty obvious. I think the real question is "how high are those risks, and how can you reduce them?"

You already seem to have a lot of the biggest pitfalls covered.

- You've already defined a lot of what the rules are (it's not clear whether you're talking about F/F with you as a voyeur, you and the other woman sharing your girlfriend or a proper threesome but with intercourse between you and the other woman ruled out, but in any case it reads more like you're just leaving that information out rather than that the two of you haven't decided).

- It seems to be something that really does it for both of you, rather than an attempt to "spice things up", or some losers who ignore their own boundaries while on holiday.

- You seem to be protective of the relationship without being jealous, which is a good balance for this sort of thing.

First thing I'll say though is to fill in any gaps in the above if I've read things better than they are.

One big thing I'll say is not to leave considerations of your bedroom guest out of things. A lot of the time when someone is mentioning threesomes here they seem to completely neglect the fact that as well as whatever may or may not happen between their partner and them there is another thinking feeling human being involved should it ever happen. Besides, it's never good to not be a good host.

Another thing to consider is that a three-way relationship (whatever shape the dynamic takes) is four times more complicated than a relationship between two people: If Alice dates Bob there's the matter of how Alice and Bob feel about each other. If Alice dates Bob and Carol there's the matter of how Alice and Bob feel about each other, how Alice and Carol feel about each other, Bob and Carol and finally how all three of them feel about the entire threesome.

It might be advisable that you should probably back out sooner rather than later if things don't seem to gel. If you're single and looking then it can be worth overlooking a few things at the start and seeing how they go, because you've nothing to lose. That not being the case here you're threshold for warning signs should be a lot lower.

And if that means that you meet someone that one of you thinks is extremely hot but the other doesn't her rate above "I suppose, maybe" then maybe you should back out at that. And if you feel a bit bad for cutting the woman lose when it seemed to be going well from her viewpoint, it'd probably have been a lot worse otherwise.

Also, even though you seem to be thinking about it mainly being a matter between this hypothetical woman and your girlfriend, that doesn't mean how well you and her gel (or don't) is of no importance. Even if you intend that there'll be nothing physical between you and her (either you're doing a voyeur thing, or the two of you will be sharing your gf) it's much more likely to go badly if there's no rapport at all between the two of you. Even if you're quite honestly and blatantly using each other for the sex and nothing else, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to be nice about it

Of the people I know who I know have had some sort of group sex (threesome or more) experiences they've pretty much all either belong to sub-cultures where it's less shocking than in the general population or from amongst their friends. The former way you can't fake (in most subcultures where group sex is considered reasonably acceptable it still isn't necessarily common, and a blow-in who seems to be looking for exactly that and no more will just seem like an asshole) and the latter brings its own risks (since you'll continue to know them).

It can go very well, but it can always not go well.

AngryBadger

I think every'one's covered the bases fairly well so far, I'd jsut like to point out that what you're describing doesn't really sound like a 3some.

To me at least it sounds like you're going to be watching your gf get it on with another woman.

That's all fine and dandy if you've hashed it out between ye already, but from the way you've described the situation it sounds like you're basically giving your gf license to be with another woman while you watch.

If you're considering a 3 some, you're talking about sharing someone you love with another person. You're resposne to that may well surprise you and it's hard to know what it will be until after the fact. In this instance though, I'd be inclined to think it could be even weirder for you, since you're mainly going to be a spectator while your gf is with someone else.

Just something to think about.

Marksie

Well a lot of the info has been covered and it seesm you have talked through things with your G/friend as muhc as you can.

One of the things i always ask couples to look at before embarking on threesomes, open realtionships or group encounters.
Is a simple question, and one of the hardest to answer:

Why?

If it is stemming from a base where you are both exploring and open its is likely to be positive.
If its stemming from a situation of boredom and poor realtionship status it may not be the best to proceed.

As talleisin said, things can go awry. But if you both have your limits set, your rules laid out and aspects such as jealousy discussed about. Then you are as prepared as you can be.

Oh and one thing when in those situations I would recommend. (but this is based on personal experience/inclination)
Is that after any such encounter, you go home and afterwards make love to each other openly and with everything. Thus reaffirming to each other your place to each other in the realtionship

Nevyn

Even if it is him watching his gf with another woman some people have very strong emotional recations to seeing thier partner reach orgasm due to what someone else is doing to them, someone else making them say 'oh god', or 'fúck me' or 'I love what you are doing to me' or eveh I love you' while in the throws of passion.

How will you cope with the emotional reaction to that and the possible paranoia that this girl may appear to know your gf's body better then you do ?

Seriously there is a movied called 'Sex Monster' I woudl suggest that you get a copy and watch it with your gf.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0159730/

Marksie

Thaedydal wrote: »

someone else making them say 'oh god', or 'fúck me' or 'I love what you are doing to me' or eveh I love you' while in the throws of passion.

Its very ture and that can even affect experienced swingers. The authouress Kaye bellameade discusses such a situation. Basically she had finished and was going out for a cigarette when the woman her husband was with cried out his name.
Kaye said that the jealousy was instant, even in an experienced swinging couple.